Friday, February 27, 2009


As I lie awake in the wee hours of the morning I am just grateful to be alive. have played absolutely no part in the process of falling asleep and being able to wake up again.But somehow I am awake. It is definately God!!! I am not one of those people that say "oh .. some higher being up there".. Nope.. It's just God in HIS great AWESOME-NESS. My thoughts slowly drift from the Supreme Being to what lies ahead of me today. The weekend is about to start but the feelings it evokes are not one of relief but the fact that there are so many things to do with so little time to do it... like making my hair for starters. I have been thinking about what to do to my hairlike its some life changing decision. I dont want to stay too long sitting at one salon having the skin of my scalp( is there anything like that??) being twisted and turned into all shapes and things, at the same time... i wanna look nice!!! Go figure... No Pain No Gain .. isnt that what they say? As i type this i am expecting some rush of enlightenment as to what to make but ..inaaa( as the hausa's say) Nothing!!
The next thing that flutters around my head is the kind of despair that awaits me in the NYSC orientation camp. I have prayed it away, I have willed it away, I have cursed it away, thought it away..a nd i am just one step away from writing a petition to the House to have the whole process scrapped but alas, all to no avail. Come tuesday I'll go to Iyana-'paja!!! Argghh!!!
Why does everyone keep saying i'll get used to it like ill get used to lack of civilization. Argghhhh!!! Do they make beasts out of men in those camps?
I try to find a lighter thought... tick tick tick... still scanning for a lighter thought but none seems forthcoming. NYSC has ruined my morning bliss. Maybe I should try and sleep again. Slip back into the cover of oblivious bliss till sunrise, reality, work and its demands.
Yes i guess thats what i'll do. Pray to God for sleep.

Thursday, February 26, 2009

The joys of Talk

Sometime in my earlier adult life, I had a BFF!! Yes what some people call best friends foreva a.k.a bestoes! She lived less than 10 mins away from me and we would stay on the phone talking for hours.. yes literarily HOURS!! the part that amzes me the most about it is that somewhere..3 hours into the phone call she would say " do u know what... I'm coming to ur house" and i wonder.. why did we run up all that bill on the phone if we were still going to see that evening or even the very next day! We talked about everything from politics to bad roads to .. yes you guessed ..BOYS!!! ahh the joys of talking about boys and which one we wanted and which one we did NOT want!!! (i digress...)
..but this is what I learnt from that time... Communication is the best thing in any and every relationship! Because there is no way you can know about the other person except you talk about what is going on with the other person.
There is no other way to be better friends, better colleagues, better mentors, better lovers than by communication. Sometimes its easier for both parties to talk for hours because it makes the relationship healthier. Imagine how it would be if all parents were best friends with their kids, do u know there would be little or no family issues?
When was the last time you talked about an issue you have with someone??
It is very healthy you know...
I wish for the times when i can talk with my BFF for hours but i guess i will have too just take what i get with some 5 minutes here or there.
The important thing is....

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Tidal Roll

Over and over I find myself sitting around waiting for time to go by and when the time flies i knock myself for not doing things i should have done with that precious time!
But in those moments the thoughts that go through myhead are countless, sometimes they are so jumbled up i can barely piece them together. I think of who i would have been had i not been born to my parents, or perhaps what I would be assuming I did not take some decisions I have taken in the past. Offcourse these thoughts are of absolutely no consequence since I have absolutely no role in changing the past, so why dont i leave them there... in the past where they belong?? I have come to the conclusion that they help me remain conscious of the fact that I am still alive and for some wierd reason I'm really scared of having Alzheimer's when I am older so i guess somewhere in my sub conscious I'm thinking thats like oiling the wheels of my memory.. huh? that doesn't make sense one bit but thats what I think.
So what else do i do during this wheely neely time? I think of love. I think what it would be so staggeringly in love that I would be breathless!! you know, real time actual breathless and I wonder if I would ever feel that way, I guess that stuff is made for only the movies.Somewhere in these mindless maze of mine I am jostled back to reality, real life calls ,work is dropped on my desk and there.. I have to face my work and what i have built all those my decisions up to!!
Some weeks ago I found a photograph that was taken at a career day in my montessori class, apparently because of my extremely chatty nature I was channeled towards the legal direction, decades later i find my self doing exactly that... Legal Practice. Do I find fulfillment in what I do? I have absolutely no idea, but whenever I look at that photo juxtaposed with a photo of me in present time i want to struggle to make it worth it!
Is there a general purpose to life? Maybe over al there is.. we just have to find what it is...Have i found mine? I am not sure I have but ...,but I am sure that give or take a few more hours of wheely needling i would find it.