Thursday, May 24, 2012

Been Long Since You Saw Me

I just discovered Windows Live Writer and hence, why I’ve found my way back here.

It’s been such a long time and I feel like doing my best Wande Coal impression and scream “Been Long You Saw Me”. I sha added “since” in my own title because I think Wande gbagauned in that his own song title.

Hmm so I know I should be here writing about how my book is at the second stage of proof reading blah blah blah but this is not so. In my months of joblessness I have been extremely busy… not writing oh.. cooking. Well you see when a person quits their job with plenty plenty lofty dreams of chasing their passion it appears they forget slightly that they have to eat, or buy credit or even fuel their car. It wasn’t like I forgot oh, I had a plan I just didn’t realise that running your own business would be that physically exhausting.

So I started Atoke’s Kitchen and basically what we do (ok I’m saying ‘we’ so you’d think I have a string of people working for me…but the entirety of our staff strength is here typing this post) is cook soup. All sorts of soup. Oha, Okazi, Okra, egusi, Efo riro.. name it… soups and we deliver it to your doorstep. Let me not lie to you… it  is mad exhausting because in Nigeria doing ANY kind of business sucks. Why? NEPA! because there’s never light I can’t store food so any time I get an order I have to go to the market early in the morning, the come back to cook and then do the delivery myself. As much as I love cooking I must say that it is HARD work and the work isn’t in the cooking itself oh.. it’s in the preparation of the ingredients for cooking. The profit margin is also not that wide such that I’d employ someone (even though I doubt I’d allow someone else cook because I like my food a particular way and I doubt if any one else can do it as I want) anyway so I coasted along on the profits from Atoke’s Kitchen for 3 months… not sure where salvation would come from, always too exhausted from the day’s activities to even write. My friends would constantly remind me “ you didn’t quit your job to cook oh” I remembered na but did any of them offer to fuel my car and I said NO? Lol but I trudged on. Then in the middle of all this struggling for money and all I went and got heart broken again! I mean I didn’t even know I had a boyfriend and there I was.. holding the pieces of my heart and soul together because I had been dumped.

My brothers and sisters I will never ever pray that my enemy goes through what I went through. I couldn’t tell anybody. I was crying every damn day for over 6 weeks. I would look in the mirror and it wasn’t myself I was seeing. I struggled to keep up the fa├žade of happy camper all the time. The few friends I told had the most stupid responses in the world, looking back I don’t blame them I just know better than to share my issues with anybody no matter how close they are. People always know how to chat sh*t! they come at you with “You know I’m here for you” and then they turn around and say stuff like “Why are you deceiving yourself. Were you in love?”

A special shout out to my friend Remi who was so incredibly amazing! I can’t tell you enough that this is the second time this girl has shown amazing strength in the face of my despair. The first time was when I went to pick a vault to bury my brother in and then recently when she would call me from jand and I’d spend 30mins on the phone just crying! Hahahaha I look back now and think… she is a champ! I’d go to hell and back for that girl.

Anyway, so here I am, I’ve gummed the pieces of my heart back together, I’m not bitter or broken.. I’m not in that place of “yepa I can never love any man again” I’m stronger and you know why? Because the ONE TRUE friend, lover, companion, savior, KING is with me. My God! My Saviour! My Father. Jehovah! Ok I’ll stop now but seriously if you don’t know God I wonder who you turn to when you’re broken? Chei!!! God is too awesome abeg!

To all the people who felt I was being cold/withdrawn when I was down.. biko I don’t know what to say oh.. I can’t be a happy chipmunk 365 days of the year na! But I’m fine now I’m back and better.

In other fantastic news… I got a job. yeah like a proper 9-5 and it’s at an online magazine called I also got admission for a masters in Creative Writing in the UK so please I shall be going about with my begging bowl for money abeg 11k pounds is not beans.

I’m happy guys, really in a good place but not because of all this good news I’m sharing oh (those ones na recent development 2 weeks ago sef) but because God rubbed my back from January till now. Infact He’s still rubbing my back till now sef saying “Aderonke omo mi… I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU NOR FORSAKE YOU”

If you don’t know God I beg you… FIND HIM TODAY!!!!