A few weeks ago, a seemingly innocent email popped into my
mailbox. The sender of the email was someone named ‘Tunde Goma’. Other visible
recipients of the email were variants of the ‘Tunde Goma’ name. I did a quick
scan of the contents, and it looked like spam, so I did what ordinarily came to
me – marked it as spam. Next thing I knew, emails poured in, in droves: “Take
me off this list”, “How did I get on this list?”, “I’m not interested in
politics. I don’t want this email”, “Who gave you my email? address”.
Why was I getting emails about people complaining about
receiving an email? Why were they all using the ‘Reply All’ button? More
importantly, why were they clogging my inbox with their rants about wanting to
get off the list?
Ah! Hold on… was my ‘Mark as spam’ button not working properly?
Oh well, thank God for Gmail and the ability to create filters. I created a
filter with the appropriate keywords, and directed all related emails to the
BIN!
The Tunde Goma emails in the trash became my entertainment for
the week. How was it that seemingly intelligent people decided to take a break
from simple logic? In order for the ‘problem’ to go away, you don’t feed the
monster! How hard was it to figure out that hitting the ‘Reply All’ button was
counter productive? One of the emails read: “How did I get on this list at all
in the first place??!! I DON’T want to be here! Full stop”
We needed the ‘Full stop’ for emphasis. Really, we did.
Anyway, what started as a seemingly innocuous email became a
baptism of irritating emails. By the end of the week, I had an idea that the
recipients of the email were people in the Nigerian media industry, Nigerian
entertainers, and Nigerian ‘Twitter Overlords’. People went crazy with the
Reply All button – ignoring the fact that some of their signatures had their
phone numbers and professional designation. Talk about brand promotion.
I’ll share some of the funniest responses to the Tunde Goma
email
Pls
take me off this list as well. At this point I’d recommend that you ask for people’s
permission before you flood their inboxes with emails. Your intentions may have
been good, but this is the worst way to go about it. You’ll end up
upsetting/irritating the very same people you are trying to recruit.
– Nigerian music artiste and co-label head.
Aww, how cute! How about you take your own advice and not hit
‘Send’ after the ‘Reply All’ button? You ended up irritating a lot of
people.
i
dont know why i am getting all these messages?am i a politician?please remove
me ASAP – Popular blogger
WTF!!!!!!
take me off this nonsense – Okay, I don’t know what this guy
does but I see his name a lot in emails. I’m guessing he’s a blogger.
Something
went wrong somewhere pls like the photographer said, stop responding and simply
delete the message(s). You all are clogging my mailbox.
Haba! –
Somebody.
Look how he/she ended up clogging all our mailboxes with his/her
own email.
Guys…
Please… Stop…. Responding… To… The… Email. Everyone wants off the email. When
you stop responding it’ll all stop. A few people have mentioned this earlier
but people still aren’t paying attention. We are the ones spamming our own
inboxes!!
Please let my
annoying, yet clarifying email be the last one. – Creative Filmmaker.
Aww she’s cute… and funny too. But she ALSO used the ‘Reply All’
button. Not so funny.
This
is a lot of distraction, please remove me from your mailing list – Her signature revealed she works in Corporate Services in a
big Nigerian bank.
It was clearly not enough of a distraction as she was focused
enough to reply ALL!
How
do I get out of this ? – The name didn’t ring a bell.
But I could just hear the pain behind these words. Bless!
Filter, honey. Filter!
Three days later, we were still getting the emails.
It’s Unfortunate That People Don’t Listen And Definitely Don’t
Pay Attention To Instructions! I Can’t Count How Many Time People Been Writing
For Others To STOP Replying And I Also Remember Toks Giving Instructions On How
To Unsubscribe From The List! It’s Not Hard! Once You Open The Email Please
Read The Thread BEFORE REPLYING!! Simple As ABC! JESOS! Is That So Hard??? I
Don’t Have Problem With Who Sent! BUT I Have Problem With People That Are
Looking For Solution For The Email To STOP without Following Instructions!
Scroll To The Bottom Of The Thread And Click The Link To Unsubscribe that Way
You Don’t Get In Your Inbox! Shikena! Dang People This Is 2015! Lets Be Up for
a Sec! -Somebody.
But your guess is as good as mine. The emails didn’t stop. I
think Jesus was offended that his name was misspelled.
Then, like a ray of hope in the darkness of my Trash Folder,
this came:
Hi
Tunde Goma,
Really
admire the work you’re doing.
Please
keep me on the mailing list, I never want to miss any of your emails ever, even
if I’m the only one left here
Thanks
so much for all you’re doing – Twitter Socio-Political
commentator
I love how we can create gems from rubble! Of course we’re not
Nigerians if we don’t descend slightly.
TUNE
WHOEVER YOU ARE YOUR INBOX WILL NEVER KNOW PEACE AGAIN OH..HEHEHEHEHHEHEHE
I INTEND TO KEEP CLICKING ON REPLY ALL.
LEGGOOOO!!!
SHOKI AAAANH – Popular Blogger.
Then, Jesus was invited back.
Am
begging you in Jesus name remove me from this mailing list – Another Blogger.
Can we take a few minutes to talk about this “I’m”/”Am”
dichotomy? CAN WE PLEASE STOP? LET US STOP!
Okay back to our emails, people! Our Twitter socio-political
commentator came back:
Hi
All,
Sorry
to bother you again but I’ve just been informed by Sir Tunde Goma that midnight
today (Nigerian time) will be the deadline for anyone who wants to escape from
the terror of this mailing list.
If
you do not make your request to leave by tonight, then you will remain here
until May 29th, democracy day.
God
bless
He’s funny isn’t he? Yes, some people actually took him
seriously!
Anyway, since we were clearly not going to get away from the
emails, it was time to socialize… yes?
Since
you people have refused to stop sending emails, and Tunde Goma has refused to
accept my unsubscribe request, let us kuku start enjoying ourselves.
Shall we start with introductions? St**** and F**i, can
you start, since na una dey enjoy this thread pass – Writer/Journalist
Also, we must not pass off a chance to network either
Hi
guys,
There’s
a new paintball spot at Unique World, Wuse Zone 5, Abuja. However you have to
book ahead by calling 08023500446 with a minimum of 6 players for the arena to
be set up.
Come
with family, friends or foes, in fact we can use Tunde Goma as target practice
too if he avails himself.
Cheers – The name wasn’t familiar.
Moving on swiftly… remember I told you some people took our
Twitter socio-political commentator seriously?
Gosh,
this is beyond irritating.
I’ve
been silent, watching it get worse, hoping it will stop, and now we are given a
deadline as though we asked for this in the first place?
Two
days ago I did the ‘unsubscribe’ thing that was supposed to be the cure to this
madness, and thought hey presto, this is it. Two minutes after, more mails,
more mails, more mails.
Kindly
inform Sir Tunde Goma (whoever he is and however it is that he even has my
email in the first damn place!!!) to please take me off this here thing. I’ve
had enough.
Thank
you, God bless.
My favourite… and absolute favourite email from the Tunde Goma
saga was this one:
First off,
I
have no idea where (whoever is the originator of this spam) got my email from
and decided that mandatorily, I have to receive an unending flow of junk mail
on a topic i’d rather not bother with.
With
all due respect and for the respect for privacy, either: give people the
opportunity to unsubscribe from this list or remove their emails from your list
immediately upon request.
You
have NO right to give people you are spamming an ultimatum. I am one of the few
who acts more than I talk. And I will act in a way you may not find palatable
if my email is not taken off your list and I receive no messages from you or
3rd parties you may have sent my email to.
Thanks.
Best,
*cue the hook for Tony Tetuila’s hit single “My Car”*
I think the emails stopped last week;
I’m not sure. I haven’t been digging in my trash for a while.