This is something i wrote as an entry for a writing workshop advert i saw in the papers last week. I changed my mind about sending it in. A friend of mine called it raunchy. Another friend said it had her juices stirred. :D. I totally enjoyed writing it and I hope you enjoy reading it too.
Have a good day :)
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I could hear the rustling sounds of the fallen leaves outside my window, the whirling of the wind and the slamming of windows. The sun had set and the evening breeze was there, sweeping away everything in it's path. One part of me wanted to go and close the window and pull the blinds, but I was being held back, by a force, so primal, so intense, so real. My eyes were closed, but for the clashing winds and the sound of threatning rain, I would have been completely oblivous to the world around me. I hung on to him for fear that if I let go I'd fall down, such was the intensity of the wave that was going through me. I felt his hands run down my back and then up my side, all the while his tongue plunged deep inside my mouth. It was like a dance, a primal quest for survival, what his tongue and mine were engaged in. I gave as much as I got. I gasped, knowing he had his palm on the cusp of one of the nubian twins. He rubbed my nipples and I felt his mouth pull away, I gasped again, as one who was being deprived of oxygen at the same time knowing that I would feel the tide beneath break loose once he kissed my now erect buds. I could only hope as I held him. I touched him, the hard length of him, all mine. I couldn't get a thought through my head, it felt like the whirling winds were only in my head and not outside my window, I could not think straight, because this was Seun. It has always been Seun for me. With him, I couldn't go through the motions, it was like my body recognized his and like a flute at the hands of a seasoned concert player, my body hummed. It wasn't Tumi, head of procurement at Cristol Oil and Gas, this was not Tumi, Chief Usher at Upper Room Fellowship Centre, this was just Tumi, primal female, nubile Tumi, at the hands of the only man who ever made her purr. And like a cat long deprived of milk, I purred as his fingers caressed my now damp panties! "Let's go upstairs", I head his voice ringing far away. How he managed to string together those words will forever elude me for I was ready to be ravished here and now on this wet wet wet June evening..
Sated is really putting it mildly, how I felt hours later. I got up to go to the bathroom and my limbs reminded me of how I felt. I stared at the mirror, I looked disheveled and yes, sated. With a wry smile on my face I traced my lips and thought, it would always be good between us. I thought about the times we spent deluding ourselves that we were just friends, all the years of suppressing what we both felt. Till that new year's day in 2003 when Alex called to tell me our Mom had died! I was confused, and numb. It was like I was on auto pilot. My Malaysian flatmate, bless her heart Christie called Seun. My friend, my gossip partner, my study mate, my confidante, the closest thing I had to family in that cold cold country, he came as soon as he could. He met me sitting on the floor, staring into the closet like a child! He held me for the longest time, and then he kissed me. I remember leaning into that kiss with the force of a thousand tsunamis. I guess I thought somehow, I could ease out the pain and hurt I felt. I smiled now at the memory of how that night ended. I had had the best sex of my life with my best friend. My best friend who was going home in 6months to marry his high school sweetheart.
8 years later, the roles are reversed and he has come to me for comfort. Tolu walked out on him and took his boys. I'd never stopped loving him. I glared at my reflection in the mirror, chiding myself "Tumi, fantastic, mind blowing, out of the world sex is NOT the same as love". But he came to me, I said to myself, he came to me... I have him now, and for me it has always been him. I walked back into the room, got into the bed and went astride Seun. I felt him stir, all of him, I took him inside me and threw my head back. If all I had was here and now, I was willing to take my chances.
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
I shall not die
"I shall not die but live and declare the works of the Lord"
My first conscious memory of these words from the bible was in July 1998. My aunty had cancer and the doctors had told her that it had spread into her bone marrow so she was brought back to Nigeria to die. I'd just come back home from secondary school and my parents were not in the country so my other aunty and I were alone in the house taking care of her. She was in a lot of pain when she was awake and to douse the effect of the pain she was put on Morphine. As you can imagine, the church folk kept trooping into the house with prayers and words of encouragement and bible passages. Prayers of different types, forms and nature (ehn you sha get my point... orishirishi). People came and prayed. She was told to recite that passage over and over and over "I shall not die but live to declare the works of the Lord". She recited the words, and on the 5th of August, my aunty died. I watched her suffer in so much pain, and she died.
As a young christian I just couldn't understand it, shebi they said she should declare, shebi she declared. I was torn between my grief and my wavering faith. I knew when my grandma died and she died in her sleep and she was old, but here was my aunty... aged 51 who taught me vowels and consonants... in pain and she still died after all that prayer? ha! I was so so confused. As I grew older I learnt that our prayers have to go with our faith, that when you pray you have to believe that our prayers would be answered. So I said ok, lesson learnt. Later on, I learnt that God has the sole discretion to answer prayers, so even when we pray, and we have faith that our prayers would be heard, HE has the final say cos he's the 'perfect' ONE who knows what is best for us and in the end of the day we say "thy will be done".
So does this mean that there is no need to pray so hard any more? does this mean that no matter how often we DECLARE something it is not a guarantee of getting what we want? I mean does this mean that people who die have no desire to live any more? is their work on earth done? if they had prayed harder, would they have lived? was their faith not strong enough to hold them through? I mean I prayed/ we all prayed for my cousin when he had the accident and he survived, he was bleeding into his brain and he survived, with a facial scar.. he survived.. and then Sage (my brother) dies?? But who are we to question God?? Does this mean that we should just take a siddon look approach with God and just say "You're gonna do what you would do anyway... I don't need to make any effort". If something doesn't work out for me, how do I know if I'm being inhibited by sin or if I'm just not praying hard enough or if I don't believe it enough or if God just doesn't want it for me? How do I know?
I know my blog isn't a theology class but sometimes I'm just sooo confused at the dynamics between God up in heaven and us earthlings, creatures of the Most High. What's our role exactly in the grand scheme of things?
Last night my sister got news that her friend died. He'd been ill for about 3 months and he got better. She was so excited that God did this great tremendous thing in the life of her friend and how He was faithful and next thing she hears Shegzy is dead. How do you reconcile that? is my faith too little to grasp how God works? Do I need to grow deeper in God? How much more faith do we need to have? and is it only when you face the final point of death that we hands off and say "Have your way oh Lord" If I declare that I shall not die but live to declare the works of the Lord, and the will of God is for me to die before I'm 30, does it mean I didn't declare hard enough?
I wanna live my life in such a way that when I'm gone I'd have achieved what I was placed on earth to do. I think I have gotten to the point where I don't care if I pass away today. I am not afraid of death. I have come to the point where I know that any day, any time I can slump and die. No this is not me being "unchristianly". This is me knowing that in the end of the day I'm not the one who determines whether I get to take the next breath or not, so why should I be going gragra. I'm going to live my life in the fear of God, and submit to the total and final will of God. I will have faith that HIS good and perfect will be done in my life. I'm not sure about declaring that I will not die. However, I will declare that while I have breath in me, I will live a life worthy of the number of years that God has chosen to give me...freely.
Whether or not i die... it's completely up to HIM
My first conscious memory of these words from the bible was in July 1998. My aunty had cancer and the doctors had told her that it had spread into her bone marrow so she was brought back to Nigeria to die. I'd just come back home from secondary school and my parents were not in the country so my other aunty and I were alone in the house taking care of her. She was in a lot of pain when she was awake and to douse the effect of the pain she was put on Morphine. As you can imagine, the church folk kept trooping into the house with prayers and words of encouragement and bible passages. Prayers of different types, forms and nature (ehn you sha get my point... orishirishi). People came and prayed. She was told to recite that passage over and over and over "I shall not die but live to declare the works of the Lord". She recited the words, and on the 5th of August, my aunty died. I watched her suffer in so much pain, and she died.
As a young christian I just couldn't understand it, shebi they said she should declare, shebi she declared. I was torn between my grief and my wavering faith. I knew when my grandma died and she died in her sleep and she was old, but here was my aunty... aged 51 who taught me vowels and consonants... in pain and she still died after all that prayer? ha! I was so so confused. As I grew older I learnt that our prayers have to go with our faith, that when you pray you have to believe that our prayers would be answered. So I said ok, lesson learnt. Later on, I learnt that God has the sole discretion to answer prayers, so even when we pray, and we have faith that our prayers would be heard, HE has the final say cos he's the 'perfect' ONE who knows what is best for us and in the end of the day we say "thy will be done".
So does this mean that there is no need to pray so hard any more? does this mean that no matter how often we DECLARE something it is not a guarantee of getting what we want? I mean does this mean that people who die have no desire to live any more? is their work on earth done? if they had prayed harder, would they have lived? was their faith not strong enough to hold them through? I mean I prayed/ we all prayed for my cousin when he had the accident and he survived, he was bleeding into his brain and he survived, with a facial scar.. he survived.. and then Sage (my brother) dies?? But who are we to question God?? Does this mean that we should just take a siddon look approach with God and just say "You're gonna do what you would do anyway... I don't need to make any effort". If something doesn't work out for me, how do I know if I'm being inhibited by sin or if I'm just not praying hard enough or if I don't believe it enough or if God just doesn't want it for me? How do I know?
I know my blog isn't a theology class but sometimes I'm just sooo confused at the dynamics between God up in heaven and us earthlings, creatures of the Most High. What's our role exactly in the grand scheme of things?
Last night my sister got news that her friend died. He'd been ill for about 3 months and he got better. She was so excited that God did this great tremendous thing in the life of her friend and how He was faithful and next thing she hears Shegzy is dead. How do you reconcile that? is my faith too little to grasp how God works? Do I need to grow deeper in God? How much more faith do we need to have? and is it only when you face the final point of death that we hands off and say "Have your way oh Lord" If I declare that I shall not die but live to declare the works of the Lord, and the will of God is for me to die before I'm 30, does it mean I didn't declare hard enough?
I wanna live my life in such a way that when I'm gone I'd have achieved what I was placed on earth to do. I think I have gotten to the point where I don't care if I pass away today. I am not afraid of death. I have come to the point where I know that any day, any time I can slump and die. No this is not me being "unchristianly". This is me knowing that in the end of the day I'm not the one who determines whether I get to take the next breath or not, so why should I be going gragra. I'm going to live my life in the fear of God, and submit to the total and final will of God. I will have faith that HIS good and perfect will be done in my life. I'm not sure about declaring that I will not die. However, I will declare that while I have breath in me, I will live a life worthy of the number of years that God has chosen to give me...freely.
Whether or not i die... it's completely up to HIM
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Wifey Much
I've been meaning to write about this issue for a longgggg time, I've just not been able to put my thoughts together long enough to actually type. I pray I'd be able to hit the 'publish' button today Saturday the 16th of April. hehehe. In other TOTALLY UNRELATED news... we have the presidential elections in Nigeria today. I woke up and i went to the polling booth to get accredited. I'm kinda proud of myself because I never thought I'd actually go through with it for two reasons;1, my mother practically threatened me with all sorts of things to get me to register and 2, I don't know who I'm gonna vote for. I know I want the basics of light, constant power, good roads, running water, a good transportation system and all that but I'm not sure that any of the people running are going to do anything differently anyway so I just felt i'd rather not vote. However, if you're a young educated Nigerian right now, and you dare say you're not voting it's tantamount to saying "may the refineries never work in Nigeria again lai lai" or " Nepa will never give us power again" so when it is 12, I shall stroll back to the polling booth and pray that the Holy Spirit gives me guidance as i thumbprint.
Ok, enough about politics, that isn't the point of today's post. As always I need your opinion on something that's niggling at the back of my head.
As a girl, if your boyfriend has a place of his own and your boo is a bit of a slob, do you clean up while you're there or is that tantamount to being a "wifey". Guys, if your girl helps you clean up a bit, fold your clothes, make sure your sink/work top is clean and dry, do you think she's being forward?
on the other hand if he stays at home with his folks and his mum and aunties are making sunday lunch do you go help out or do you sit not wanting to be deemed forward?
A friend of mine told a story of how she went to visit her boyfriend in Porthacourt and found the dude was sleeping with his landlord's daughter/niece/sister-inlaw. Anyway, my friend B, being a very calm 'porraicourt' girl told the 'helper' that she wasn't here to quarrel or fight with her. She said her issue was this, "if the girl dey help me sleep with am, she suppose dey help me dey clean the house na... no be sey I go come from lagos bathroom go still dey dirty, room go dey dirty,na me go still dey come buy things for inside fridge and all that". It was hilarious. Really what role does one play as a girlfriend play when she's in a 'serious' relationship. I don't mean where you guys are just f&^k buddies oh!!! (pardon my french) cos in that case no one expects you to notice anything other than what you're there for and how comfortable or rough you like getting IT!
Personally, I don't think it's an abomination to clean up your boyfriends place, especially if he lives alone, and if you're not a 'homebuddy' I think you can arrange for him to get a cleaner to come in once in a while to clean up the place. I mean you go there ALL the time anyway, why would you feel comfortable in a place that's so dirty and untidy? and no I'm not encouraging boys to be slobs but if I don't think the girls who date slobs should be given a free pass. Unless ofcourse she's a slob too. My cousin Aji lived in my house once. He's like the most untidy person I know in this world. His room always had dirty plates from two weekends in a row, his dirty shirts were always on the floor, his stinky socks and shoes were always on full display. I remember how my sister and cousin always used to ask him to clean up his room, but one thing I remember vividly is how girls used to come and go through that room. He had girlfriends who brought food to him in that smelly dirty room. I was always amazed. Don't get me wrong oh, Aji is such a sweetheart but I couldn't get past girls who dated him and stayed for hours in that room.
Am i the one with issues? cos no way am I gonna allow you keep me in a dirty place, instead i'll just have us meet somewhere else oh! Hian!!!! Worriz all that?
Anyway, is it too much to clean up where you'd be 'hosted' or is a girl over stepping her boundaries if she washes the dirty dishes in your sink? what if she arranges for someone to come and keep your place clean and tidy? do u assume she's fishing for a marriage proposal?
Is cleaning up too much?
Ok, enough about politics, that isn't the point of today's post. As always I need your opinion on something that's niggling at the back of my head.
As a girl, if your boyfriend has a place of his own and your boo is a bit of a slob, do you clean up while you're there or is that tantamount to being a "wifey". Guys, if your girl helps you clean up a bit, fold your clothes, make sure your sink/work top is clean and dry, do you think she's being forward?
on the other hand if he stays at home with his folks and his mum and aunties are making sunday lunch do you go help out or do you sit not wanting to be deemed forward?
A friend of mine told a story of how she went to visit her boyfriend in Porthacourt and found the dude was sleeping with his landlord's daughter/niece/sister-inlaw. Anyway, my friend B, being a very calm 'porraicourt' girl told the 'helper' that she wasn't here to quarrel or fight with her. She said her issue was this, "if the girl dey help me sleep with am, she suppose dey help me dey clean the house na... no be sey I go come from lagos bathroom go still dey dirty, room go dey dirty,na me go still dey come buy things for inside fridge and all that". It was hilarious. Really what role does one play as a girlfriend play when she's in a 'serious' relationship. I don't mean where you guys are just f&^k buddies oh!!! (pardon my french) cos in that case no one expects you to notice anything other than what you're there for and how comfortable or rough you like getting IT!
Personally, I don't think it's an abomination to clean up your boyfriends place, especially if he lives alone, and if you're not a 'homebuddy' I think you can arrange for him to get a cleaner to come in once in a while to clean up the place. I mean you go there ALL the time anyway, why would you feel comfortable in a place that's so dirty and untidy? and no I'm not encouraging boys to be slobs but if I don't think the girls who date slobs should be given a free pass. Unless ofcourse she's a slob too. My cousin Aji lived in my house once. He's like the most untidy person I know in this world. His room always had dirty plates from two weekends in a row, his dirty shirts were always on the floor, his stinky socks and shoes were always on full display. I remember how my sister and cousin always used to ask him to clean up his room, but one thing I remember vividly is how girls used to come and go through that room. He had girlfriends who brought food to him in that smelly dirty room. I was always amazed. Don't get me wrong oh, Aji is such a sweetheart but I couldn't get past girls who dated him and stayed for hours in that room.
Am i the one with issues? cos no way am I gonna allow you keep me in a dirty place, instead i'll just have us meet somewhere else oh! Hian!!!! Worriz all that?
Anyway, is it too much to clean up where you'd be 'hosted' or is a girl over stepping her boundaries if she washes the dirty dishes in your sink? what if she arranges for someone to come and keep your place clean and tidy? do u assume she's fishing for a marriage proposal?
Is cleaning up too much?
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Intellectual Redundancy
Towards the end of last year I was in a place of confusion with regards my career. I was stuck in a rut, I didn't know what I wanted ( maybe I still don't know sef, hence, why I'm writing this) and I was rather confused and unhappy. Scratch that, it wasn't my career per se that was making me unhappy, it was the fact that I needed more money and I wasn't seeing it happen. So I started poring over the Tuesday and Thursday Guardian, searching for anything, any opening, something, one thing, ANYTHING! I was confused the private sector had nothing for me since all I kuku want is money isn't it? I asked around, "what field of the public sector pays well?" I mean i knoew for sure I definately didn't wanna go to the ministry of justice... hell to the nizzle!!! Not after being in an office with airconditioning and fast inernet and working photocopiers and intercom! no no no!! I wasn't willing to go below what I had grown used to professionally. Special shout out to our friends who work in the civil service... May the Lord bless your hustle! Lol
Ok I digress, sorry. So in my quest for a new job or career opportunities, I was told that federal parastatals especially in the finance sector and in the oil and gas sector were the big payers!!! WooHoo!! I applied to NNPC and SEC. Fingers crossed on that! But the issue that arose is this.."INTELLECTUAL REDUNDANCY" These words have been swimming around in my head since January. I love to have money and all, but I also don't want to have spent 30years of my professional lives writing letters to external counsel reminding them to provide me with an update. **gasp** I mean it's all nice and dandy collecting money and all but what happens if I end up being one of those Director Generals with absolutely no clue on how the system works outside. I mean in this my office, bad as e bad reach I learn new things every day. I get exposed to high level international transactions, I may be getting paid peanuts but when I read about some transactions in the news, I have this secret smile inside knowing I worked on it or I heard about it. I asked a friend of mine what he thought about going to work in the public sector and how I was worried that my brain cells would atrophy if I just went to some parastatal to tweedle my thumbs, he said " Ronke, did you say they pay well? Omo, if you have a chance go there, take the money and if you feel your brain is dying out play Sudoku or something" I laughed really hard that day and thought, wow get a rubix cube, play sudoku, crosswords are there and you'd be find doing "availability at Corporate Affairs Commission"
The silent battle between wanting more money and being intellectually redundant. I spoke to my cousin recently about this issue. He works for a multinational investment bank and he has worked there for three years. He's moving to Nigerian Deposit Insurance Company in April. Now NDIC is a government parastatal and everyone I know who works there says "mehn... that place is the ish!! the money there is not small matter!" However, when I ask these guys about the kind of work they do i get a shrug of "you know this and that, a bit of this and a bit of that". This doesn't help someone like me who's already confused. So I asked my cousin the high profile investment banker "S, why aren't you afraid of intellectual redundancy" and he said " omo, na person wey no get sense go reash dat kain place siddon sey he no go study or advance himself. I mean Ronke, there's so much time and there are so many opportunities for scholarships and study leaves in the public sector that only a foolish person would rest on his oars and become intellectually redundant!" This was such a light bulb moment for me. like Selah or Eureka ( i really don't know if I've used those words appropriately but u sha get the general picture *kaching* *bells ringing*lol)
So there you have it, I found how to go chill with the "chillers" in the public sector and at the same time keep my brain working.
Pray with me oh, because the koko of all this is that I WANT MORE MONEY ;)
Ok I digress, sorry. So in my quest for a new job or career opportunities, I was told that federal parastatals especially in the finance sector and in the oil and gas sector were the big payers!!! WooHoo!! I applied to NNPC and SEC. Fingers crossed on that! But the issue that arose is this.."INTELLECTUAL REDUNDANCY" These words have been swimming around in my head since January. I love to have money and all, but I also don't want to have spent 30years of my professional lives writing letters to external counsel reminding them to provide me with an update. **gasp** I mean it's all nice and dandy collecting money and all but what happens if I end up being one of those Director Generals with absolutely no clue on how the system works outside. I mean in this my office, bad as e bad reach I learn new things every day. I get exposed to high level international transactions, I may be getting paid peanuts but when I read about some transactions in the news, I have this secret smile inside knowing I worked on it or I heard about it. I asked a friend of mine what he thought about going to work in the public sector and how I was worried that my brain cells would atrophy if I just went to some parastatal to tweedle my thumbs, he said " Ronke, did you say they pay well? Omo, if you have a chance go there, take the money and if you feel your brain is dying out play Sudoku or something" I laughed really hard that day and thought, wow get a rubix cube, play sudoku, crosswords are there and you'd be find doing "availability at Corporate Affairs Commission"
The silent battle between wanting more money and being intellectually redundant. I spoke to my cousin recently about this issue. He works for a multinational investment bank and he has worked there for three years. He's moving to Nigerian Deposit Insurance Company in April. Now NDIC is a government parastatal and everyone I know who works there says "mehn... that place is the ish!! the money there is not small matter!" However, when I ask these guys about the kind of work they do i get a shrug of "you know this and that, a bit of this and a bit of that". This doesn't help someone like me who's already confused. So I asked my cousin the high profile investment banker "S, why aren't you afraid of intellectual redundancy" and he said " omo, na person wey no get sense go reash dat kain place siddon sey he no go study or advance himself. I mean Ronke, there's so much time and there are so many opportunities for scholarships and study leaves in the public sector that only a foolish person would rest on his oars and become intellectually redundant!" This was such a light bulb moment for me. like Selah or Eureka ( i really don't know if I've used those words appropriately but u sha get the general picture *kaching* *bells ringing*lol)
So there you have it, I found how to go chill with the "chillers" in the public sector and at the same time keep my brain working.
Pray with me oh, because the koko of all this is that I WANT MORE MONEY ;)
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Know Ya Self
My friend J.D came to the house yesterday and accused me of not updating my blog. She sounded irritated actually, and I sat there laughing because really there's no reason why I haven't posted something new. It's not for lack of having something to talk about or to rant about... it's just........... I don't know! So I apologize. I promise to be more dedicated to the readers of my blog. I mean what's the point of being lazy?
Speaking of laziness, I'd like to tell you guys that two years after I said I was gonna start my piano lessons, I finally started... ( yes let us wave our hands in the air!!!) I have done two lessons and honestly I'm still struggling with my counts but thank God i remember the rudiments from my growing up days The notes on the treble cl eff are "Every Good Boy Deserves Favour", "F.A.C.E" and for the bass clef "Good Boys Deserve Favour Always", "All Cows Eat Grass". You see, it's kinda hard trying to count 1,2,3,4 at the same time trying to determine what line the note is on..**sigh** if only I'd been less playful as a child. Oh well, I'm picking myself up and I hope I'll be able to play something meaningful by September. So y'all should pray with me to overcome the scales on the piano. Alicia Keys wont have no'n on me when I'm done **wide cheesy smile**
Anyway I wanna know your take on something that has been bugging me in recent times. It's the issue of "being comfortable in your skin" "not letting anything be the determinant of your lifestyle". I went for a wedding two Saturdays ago and one of the friends of the bride was wearing a knee length tube dress. The dress wasn't indecently short and her boobs weren't out there on display like that, no... that wasn't the issue. The chic had badly discoloured skin. Like really really!!!. As we danced behind the bride to usher her in, I stood behind the girl in the tube dress, I stared at her back, with all the shades of her skin out there on display. I looked at her legs, same thing... multicoloured. I thought "wow, your skin is so bad, you really shouldn't be wearing stuff that shows so much skin", and as soon as I finished the thought process, I chided myself and said "oh well, she didn't create herself" I couldn't shake off the feeling. Trust me nah, Aproko United, I proceeded to ask my friend (the bride) yesterday. Me:"ah.. why did that your friend XYZ now wear a tube dress?" Bride:"What was wrong with the dress?" Me: "it was a tube dress and her skin is really discoloured. I just feel she should have worn something that covered her back at least" (Like I said... it was the aproko in me that wouldn't let that issue go!!) Bride: " There's nothing wrong with her wearing a tube dress, yes she has discoloured skin but she has not allowed it to deter her or get in the way of her lifestyle. We called her miss Polka in Uni and we've all known she's had that kind of skin" Me: #Pause #Pause #Pause
Now you see, this issue of being comfortable in one's skin and not letting one's 'circumstance' hinder ones lifestyle is all well and good but I believe there's a thin line.... a VERY thing line between this and knowing ones self. Look at me for instance, I'm a round girl, I wont even say "chubby" chubby was nice and cute when I was 8, now I'm just rotund! Lol. I'm quite full figured, now lets take that full figured me and put it in a tube dress, or even a tight top and skinny jeans!!!(X_X) IT IS NOT JUST OK!!!!! Am I supposed to torture everyone who sees me? NO!! I mean people need to dress appropriately. I'm not a prude or anything, I'm all for sexy silhouettes and showing off hot steamy legs and booty but please, let it be something of good aesthetic value abeg!!! and none of that BS of one man's meat is another man's poison. Imagine Precious in a jumpsuit saying she's comfortable in her skin **aghast**
Anyway, lemme know what you think about this, you know we learn everyday.
In other news... So last week I was having lunch in my office with my colleagues and our librarian was there too. I can't rememeber what we were talking about but Lady Librarian decides to chip in "words of wisdom" and she goes "well, when you're in Rome, do like the Romans, and when you're in JEW do like (#pause #pause) the Jew." I can tell you guys rice went from my mouth into my nose. It took all of my restraint and I mean every single muscle of restraint in me not to burst out in laughter... like people what the hell is "When you're in Jew"?? LMAO. My colleague told me later that she stumbled on her words cause she saw the look on my face, that Lady Librarian's lips wereshaped as if she wanted to say "Jewans"..... LMAO
Ladies and gentlemen, let's just say, our motto in this life should be "know ya selfffffff" Lol whether it's in dressing or it's in attempting to drop snippets of wisdom where none is required of you... do what??? Know Ya Seffff
Speaking of laziness, I'd like to tell you guys that two years after I said I was gonna start my piano lessons, I finally started... ( yes let us wave our hands in the air!!!) I have done two lessons and honestly I'm still struggling with my counts but thank God i remember the rudiments from my growing up days The notes on the treble cl eff are "Every Good Boy Deserves Favour", "F.A.C.E" and for the bass clef "Good Boys Deserve Favour Always", "All Cows Eat Grass". You see, it's kinda hard trying to count 1,2,3,4 at the same time trying to determine what line the note is on..**sigh** if only I'd been less playful as a child. Oh well, I'm picking myself up and I hope I'll be able to play something meaningful by September. So y'all should pray with me to overcome the scales on the piano. Alicia Keys wont have no'n on me when I'm done **wide cheesy smile**
Anyway I wanna know your take on something that has been bugging me in recent times. It's the issue of "being comfortable in your skin" "not letting anything be the determinant of your lifestyle". I went for a wedding two Saturdays ago and one of the friends of the bride was wearing a knee length tube dress. The dress wasn't indecently short and her boobs weren't out there on display like that, no... that wasn't the issue. The chic had badly discoloured skin. Like really really!!!. As we danced behind the bride to usher her in, I stood behind the girl in the tube dress, I stared at her back, with all the shades of her skin out there on display. I looked at her legs, same thing... multicoloured. I thought "wow, your skin is so bad, you really shouldn't be wearing stuff that shows so much skin", and as soon as I finished the thought process, I chided myself and said "oh well, she didn't create herself" I couldn't shake off the feeling. Trust me nah, Aproko United, I proceeded to ask my friend (the bride) yesterday. Me:"ah.. why did that your friend XYZ now wear a tube dress?" Bride:"What was wrong with the dress?" Me: "it was a tube dress and her skin is really discoloured. I just feel she should have worn something that covered her back at least" (Like I said... it was the aproko in me that wouldn't let that issue go!!) Bride: " There's nothing wrong with her wearing a tube dress, yes she has discoloured skin but she has not allowed it to deter her or get in the way of her lifestyle. We called her miss Polka in Uni and we've all known she's had that kind of skin" Me: #Pause #Pause #Pause
Now you see, this issue of being comfortable in one's skin and not letting one's 'circumstance' hinder ones lifestyle is all well and good but I believe there's a thin line.... a VERY thing line between this and knowing ones self. Look at me for instance, I'm a round girl, I wont even say "chubby" chubby was nice and cute when I was 8, now I'm just rotund! Lol. I'm quite full figured, now lets take that full figured me and put it in a tube dress, or even a tight top and skinny jeans!!!(X_X) IT IS NOT JUST OK!!!!! Am I supposed to torture everyone who sees me? NO!! I mean people need to dress appropriately. I'm not a prude or anything, I'm all for sexy silhouettes and showing off hot steamy legs and booty but please, let it be something of good aesthetic value abeg!!! and none of that BS of one man's meat is another man's poison. Imagine Precious in a jumpsuit saying she's comfortable in her skin **aghast**
Anyway, lemme know what you think about this, you know we learn everyday.
In other news... So last week I was having lunch in my office with my colleagues and our librarian was there too. I can't rememeber what we were talking about but Lady Librarian decides to chip in "words of wisdom" and she goes "well, when you're in Rome, do like the Romans, and when you're in JEW do like (#pause #pause) the Jew." I can tell you guys rice went from my mouth into my nose. It took all of my restraint and I mean every single muscle of restraint in me not to burst out in laughter... like people what the hell is "When you're in Jew"?? LMAO. My colleague told me later that she stumbled on her words cause she saw the look on my face, that Lady Librarian's lips wereshaped as if she wanted to say "Jewans"..... LMAO
Ladies and gentlemen, let's just say, our motto in this life should be "know ya selfffffff" Lol whether it's in dressing or it's in attempting to drop snippets of wisdom where none is required of you... do what??? Know Ya Seffff
Friday, January 14, 2011
The worth of a man
A few years ago my mom and I went to a dealership to buy a car. After signing the paper work we turned around and as we got to the car, the clerk followed us and asked me for my number, I looked at him and said I didn't have a phone. He smiled at me and I glared back, entered the car and left. The events of that day in R.T Briscoe is often recounted to me over and over again by mother. She cites it as an example of pride and setting too high standards. Every opportunity she gets to talk about my being single and how I have 'high standards', she is quick to talk about the R.T Briscoe clerk.
Last week, she said that this year she was going to encourage me to be a friendlier person and then said if Mr. ABC says he likes you, give him a chance. I gasped, "Mom, Mr. ABC is a clerk in my office, besides he is dating one of the cleaners". I burst into tears immediately. Had my case become one of "anyone wey come?". I was miserable. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I mean here I am, a well educated young woman, being pawned off to the nearest bidder, not highest oh... nearest!!! My mother said "the worth of a man is not where he is right now". This got me thinking, asking myself the question...Am I proud? am I choosy? am I a picky individual? I have said it time and time again and even readers of my blog know this, I ask for very few things and in this order:
1. The fear of God (A man with the fear of God entrenched in him is estopped from doing hurtful things. He will be governed by the tennets of God and as such will love me as he loves God. I do not mean all those eye-service Christians oh, those ones that will say I should not wear "trozziz". I mean a fear of God and the genuine love of God embedded in his core. Note that I did not say 'awon spiro' oh. I didn't say those 'i-live-in-the-church-but- i-can-kill-you-with-my-nasty ass-unforgiving-spirit'. I mean the true love of God. Shey you get??)
2. Education, drive, wit, and intellect. This is self explanatory. I can't over emphasize these things. All four are fundamental and I believe they are a four-in-one cocktail.
3. Family background.A lot of people make the stupid mistake of saying "I'm marrying him not his family" can I get a resounding "DeyDere!!!!!" For me, a person's family background goes a long way in forming who he is today, his mindset and how his inclinations are. Now I know everyone can't come from the same type of stock but indeed iron sharpeneth iron. #NuffSaid.
As you can see I have not said the guy has to be stupendously rich, I have not said I require him to take me on holiday on an exotic island bi-annually. I have not said I will not move in with him into a small place. I tell you this, I can be with a man who has no car, who has a tiny room if he has the fear of God, he is educated, he has the drive for more, a desire for more, if he's witty and funn for God Forbid I live with a man who isn't funny or has no sense of humour. I will gladly take public transport with a kind hearted intelligient man. I will be with a man who's not intimidated by the fact that I have a loving family and who has kind family members. I want to be with a person whom I can start another family with.
I have enumerated here how I measure the worth of a man. because I realise that this "worth of a man" concept isn't universal. It isn't a one-size-fits-all thing. To each his own. For me, I don't wanna make a mistake. I am not shallow ( or at least I'd like to believe I am not) but I'd like to be able to talk to my partner/friend/husband about the nuances of my work, my interests and my life. There has to be that initial threshhold from which other things would be launched.
How do you measure the worth of a man/woman?
Last week, she said that this year she was going to encourage me to be a friendlier person and then said if Mr. ABC says he likes you, give him a chance. I gasped, "Mom, Mr. ABC is a clerk in my office, besides he is dating one of the cleaners". I burst into tears immediately. Had my case become one of "anyone wey come?". I was miserable. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I mean here I am, a well educated young woman, being pawned off to the nearest bidder, not highest oh... nearest!!! My mother said "the worth of a man is not where he is right now". This got me thinking, asking myself the question...Am I proud? am I choosy? am I a picky individual? I have said it time and time again and even readers of my blog know this, I ask for very few things and in this order:
1. The fear of God (A man with the fear of God entrenched in him is estopped from doing hurtful things. He will be governed by the tennets of God and as such will love me as he loves God. I do not mean all those eye-service Christians oh, those ones that will say I should not wear "trozziz". I mean a fear of God and the genuine love of God embedded in his core. Note that I did not say 'awon spiro' oh. I didn't say those 'i-live-in-the-church-but- i-can-kill-you-with-my-nasty ass-unforgiving-spirit'. I mean the true love of God. Shey you get??)
2. Education, drive, wit, and intellect. This is self explanatory. I can't over emphasize these things. All four are fundamental and I believe they are a four-in-one cocktail.
3. Family background.A lot of people make the stupid mistake of saying "I'm marrying him not his family" can I get a resounding "DeyDere!!!!!" For me, a person's family background goes a long way in forming who he is today, his mindset and how his inclinations are. Now I know everyone can't come from the same type of stock but indeed iron sharpeneth iron. #NuffSaid.
As you can see I have not said the guy has to be stupendously rich, I have not said I require him to take me on holiday on an exotic island bi-annually. I have not said I will not move in with him into a small place. I tell you this, I can be with a man who has no car, who has a tiny room if he has the fear of God, he is educated, he has the drive for more, a desire for more, if he's witty and funn for God Forbid I live with a man who isn't funny or has no sense of humour. I will gladly take public transport with a kind hearted intelligient man. I will be with a man who's not intimidated by the fact that I have a loving family and who has kind family members. I want to be with a person whom I can start another family with.
I have enumerated here how I measure the worth of a man. because I realise that this "worth of a man" concept isn't universal. It isn't a one-size-fits-all thing. To each his own. For me, I don't wanna make a mistake. I am not shallow ( or at least I'd like to believe I am not) but I'd like to be able to talk to my partner/friend/husband about the nuances of my work, my interests and my life. There has to be that initial threshhold from which other things would be launched.
How do you measure the worth of a man/woman?
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Resolved
My office shut down on the 17th of December, so it's been a really long holiday for me. I'm back at work now and truth be told I do feel refreshed. The fact that there's no immediate pressure at work also helps too.
Yeah I know people normally start the year with lofty resolutions and all, my one resolution this year.. TRIPPLE MY NETWORTH by December 2011. I am sorry if it appears like I'm motivated by material things, but it is what it is. ;)
Ok, on to today's rant.
A friend of mine recently got "disengaged". Her fiance sent her a "Dear John" (or 'Jane' in this case). Dude listed out in a clear, coincise manner, all the things he called her "flaws" and stated that he was unable to accept them and they were not issues that were up for discussion. She was distraught. She spent the first month trying to call him and he wasn't picking up her calls. He asked his driver to take all her belongings to her house ( you know how we girls like to leave one or two things strewn around Boo's office... marking our territory and stuff like that.. not so subtle but yes we do it) anyway, so dude basicallly wiped out all traces of her from his life. She is STILL distraught.
The primary bone of contention with the guy was her religion. Lemme tell you a lil' som'n about my friend. She was has muslim parents, she was raised as a muslim and somewhere along the line, she became a Christian. Her ex-fiance is a muslim. According to him, when they met she told him she was a moslem. According to her, she told him she ws a "non practising muslim". He says she deceived him. All this before he used his mouth to PROPOSE to her oh! He knew about this 'deceit', he knew she had flaws and went ahead and asked her parents for her hand in marriage. He proposed to her and told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
He woke up one sunday morning and all of a sudden, he didn't want to be with her anymore. According to her, they didn't quarell, in fact, they had "resolved" the religion issue. He wasn't gonna force her to become a muslim and according to her, she would have reverted if he had asked.
Another friend of mine was in a similar situation a year ago. Hers was slightly different, in her own case it was a clear case of "You're a christian, I'm a muslim. I love you and I wouldn't try to change you." They added a slight twist to theirs; my friend promised her boo she wasn't gonna take "his" children to church. So for them, both parties were promising to stay in their own lane! (Hm!!! note the "his" children not "their" children) Anyway, they started planning their wedding and dude realises that you know what? This religion issue which we'd "resolved" isn't soo resolved o! Babe, I don't think I can do this. Another broken engagement.
This brings me to the crux of this post... what exactly do people mean when they say they've resolved issues that are as fundamental as religion when they are about to get married? Faith is a very personal thing, and as such I wonder, how do you "resolve" it just to enable a marriage?
I lived in a home where the mommy was a christian and the daddy was a muslim. Trust me, it was not fun! They were always fighting! Apparently before they got married wayy back in the late 60's the Mommy's father had made the Daddy promise that he'd never convert his daughter. It was "resolved": but as the years went by, Daddy became a real big shot in his town and his political career shot up! He was a visible Alhaji with a Christian wife. She grew older and increased her church activity. It was messy. Trust me. I lived through it. It was messy! I would cower at the foot of the step when the screaming started on sunday mornings when Mommy carried her bible and purse with plans to go to church.
Are these things ever resolved? Do you wanna go into a marriage knowing you're not in sync with your partner? Should both parties not be able to pray and encourage each other? My friend who is a muslim shared with me a story of how ALL her life she's always known her parents to pray together every evening. Like clockwork. They brought up their children in that way.
Faith, your faith is personal. It's the beacon that guides your walk through this maze called life. You know how they say "better a broken engagement than a failed marriage"? It sounds like a cliche but it is true. My friend dodged a bullet I tell ya!
I don't believe you should waver in your faith. Do what you know is right to do, not just for yourselves, but for your children. Don't let them grow up confused. Show them the right path and bring them up with a oneness of heart
All my life, I was brought up to believe that the father is the spiritual head of the home. I wanna marry someone who prays like me, who shares my faith. Someone who can say to me like my friend's dad... "Come up, let's pray". It is resolved!
Yeah I know people normally start the year with lofty resolutions and all, my one resolution this year.. TRIPPLE MY NETWORTH by December 2011. I am sorry if it appears like I'm motivated by material things, but it is what it is. ;)
Ok, on to today's rant.
A friend of mine recently got "disengaged". Her fiance sent her a "Dear John" (or 'Jane' in this case). Dude listed out in a clear, coincise manner, all the things he called her "flaws" and stated that he was unable to accept them and they were not issues that were up for discussion. She was distraught. She spent the first month trying to call him and he wasn't picking up her calls. He asked his driver to take all her belongings to her house ( you know how we girls like to leave one or two things strewn around Boo's office... marking our territory and stuff like that.. not so subtle but yes we do it) anyway, so dude basicallly wiped out all traces of her from his life. She is STILL distraught.
The primary bone of contention with the guy was her religion. Lemme tell you a lil' som'n about my friend. She was has muslim parents, she was raised as a muslim and somewhere along the line, she became a Christian. Her ex-fiance is a muslim. According to him, when they met she told him she was a moslem. According to her, she told him she ws a "non practising muslim". He says she deceived him. All this before he used his mouth to PROPOSE to her oh! He knew about this 'deceit', he knew she had flaws and went ahead and asked her parents for her hand in marriage. He proposed to her and told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
He woke up one sunday morning and all of a sudden, he didn't want to be with her anymore. According to her, they didn't quarell, in fact, they had "resolved" the religion issue. He wasn't gonna force her to become a muslim and according to her, she would have reverted if he had asked.
Another friend of mine was in a similar situation a year ago. Hers was slightly different, in her own case it was a clear case of "You're a christian, I'm a muslim. I love you and I wouldn't try to change you." They added a slight twist to theirs; my friend promised her boo she wasn't gonna take "his" children to church. So for them, both parties were promising to stay in their own lane! (Hm!!! note the "his" children not "their" children) Anyway, they started planning their wedding and dude realises that you know what? This religion issue which we'd "resolved" isn't soo resolved o! Babe, I don't think I can do this. Another broken engagement.
This brings me to the crux of this post... what exactly do people mean when they say they've resolved issues that are as fundamental as religion when they are about to get married? Faith is a very personal thing, and as such I wonder, how do you "resolve" it just to enable a marriage?
I lived in a home where the mommy was a christian and the daddy was a muslim. Trust me, it was not fun! They were always fighting! Apparently before they got married wayy back in the late 60's the Mommy's father had made the Daddy promise that he'd never convert his daughter. It was "resolved": but as the years went by, Daddy became a real big shot in his town and his political career shot up! He was a visible Alhaji with a Christian wife. She grew older and increased her church activity. It was messy. Trust me. I lived through it. It was messy! I would cower at the foot of the step when the screaming started on sunday mornings when Mommy carried her bible and purse with plans to go to church.
Are these things ever resolved? Do you wanna go into a marriage knowing you're not in sync with your partner? Should both parties not be able to pray and encourage each other? My friend who is a muslim shared with me a story of how ALL her life she's always known her parents to pray together every evening. Like clockwork. They brought up their children in that way.
Faith, your faith is personal. It's the beacon that guides your walk through this maze called life. You know how they say "better a broken engagement than a failed marriage"? It sounds like a cliche but it is true. My friend dodged a bullet I tell ya!
I don't believe you should waver in your faith. Do what you know is right to do, not just for yourselves, but for your children. Don't let them grow up confused. Show them the right path and bring them up with a oneness of heart
All my life, I was brought up to believe that the father is the spiritual head of the home. I wanna marry someone who prays like me, who shares my faith. Someone who can say to me like my friend's dad... "Come up, let's pray". It is resolved!
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