Friday, January 14, 2011

The worth of a man

A few years ago my mom and I went to a dealership to buy a car. After signing the paper work we turned around and as we got to the car, the clerk followed us and asked me for my number, I looked at him and said I didn't have a phone. He smiled at me and I glared back, entered the car and left. The events of that day in R.T Briscoe is often recounted to me over and over again by mother. She cites it as an example of pride and setting too high standards. Every opportunity she gets to talk about my being single and how I have 'high standards', she is quick to talk about the R.T Briscoe clerk.

Last week, she said that this year she was going to encourage me to be a friendlier person and then said if Mr. ABC says he likes you, give him a chance. I gasped, "Mom, Mr. ABC is a clerk in my office, besides he is dating one of the cleaners". I burst into tears immediately. Had my case become one of "anyone wey come?". I was miserable. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I mean here I am, a well educated young woman, being pawned off to the nearest bidder, not highest oh... nearest!!! My mother said "the worth of a man is not where he is right now". This got me thinking, asking myself the question...Am I proud? am I choosy? am I a picky individual? I have said it time and time again and even readers of my blog know this, I ask for very few things and in this order:
1. The fear of God (A man with the fear of God entrenched in him is estopped from doing hurtful things. He will be governed by the tennets of God and as such will love me as he loves God. I do not mean all those eye-service Christians oh, those ones that will say I should not wear "trozziz". I mean a fear of God and the genuine love of God embedded in his core. Note that I did not say 'awon spiro' oh. I didn't say those 'i-live-in-the-church-but- i-can-kill-you-with-my-nasty ass-unforgiving-spirit'. I mean the true love of God. Shey you get??)
2. Education, drive, wit, and intellect. This is self explanatory. I can't over emphasize these things. All four are fundamental and I believe they are a four-in-one cocktail.
3. Family background.A lot of people make the stupid mistake of saying "I'm marrying him not his family" can I get a resounding "DeyDere!!!!!" For me, a person's family background goes a long way in forming who he is today, his mindset and how his inclinations are. Now I know everyone can't come from the same type of stock but indeed iron sharpeneth iron. #NuffSaid.

As you can see I have not said the guy has to be stupendously rich, I have not said I require him to take me on holiday on an exotic island bi-annually. I have not said I will not move in with him into a small place. I tell you this, I can be with a man who has no car, who has a tiny room if he has the fear of God, he is educated, he has the drive for more, a desire for more, if he's witty and funn for God Forbid I live with a man who isn't funny or has no sense of humour. I will gladly take public transport with a kind hearted intelligient man. I will be with a man who's not intimidated by the fact that I have a loving family and who has kind family members. I want to be with a person whom I can start another family with.

I have enumerated here how I measure the worth of a man. because I realise that this "worth of a man" concept isn't universal. It isn't a one-size-fits-all thing. To each his own. For me, I don't wanna make a mistake. I am not shallow ( or at least I'd like to believe I am not) but I'd like to be able to talk to my partner/friend/husband about the nuances of my work, my interests and my life. There has to be that initial threshhold from which other things would be launched.

How do you measure the worth of a man/woman?


  1. I'll give my number to a clerk at RT Briscoe if I thought he seemed interesting. I'll go out on a date with him if I thought he was ambitious and witty.
    I'll not give my number to the loud mouthed manager who punctuated every sentence with an expletive. Even if he went to Harvard or is Adenuga's second son.
    But that is just me.

  2. Ronke o! u haf killed me. Spot on! very on point my sister.
    This phrase just sums it up for me "I will be with a man who's not intimidated by the fact that I have a loving family"... My family is everything and if a man tries to separate you from all that love all in the name of pretence that i want you to depend solely on me before he marries you... that one is called one chance. Ask me I should know!
    But next time give the Mr. ABC a chance to get to know you :), but you are on ya own o if .... Nuffsaid