Law & Order

Yesterday was a public holiday and the streets of Lagos seem to have a sense of sanity. The roads were free of its usual traffic jam and it looked peaceful. Looking from the 9th floor of a building where I went to work, it seemed almost surreal. Falomo round-about looked really sane, like a place where "law & order" was in place. I wonder sometimes if those two words mean anything to the average Lagosian ( those who live and work in Lagos). I've come to conclude that it doesn't and this is very saddening. It is especially so because now attempts are being made to bring some sanity in to the system, but Lagosian's doggedly kick against "order", its amazing. You walk into a bank where there should be a queue and you see like 6 people huddled in front of the counter stretching out their hands with their cheques and passbooks and all to the cashier and one just wonders how the lady/man is supposed to grow extra hands to collect from all the customers. What we dont seem to realise is that if everyone stays on the queue , everyone will be attended to.
Look for instance the people that drive against traffic a.k.a One-way, they run away from their own muddled-up side of the road and end up muddling up the other side. The police and the all other men-in-arms are even "guiltiest" of this. I sit on my side of the road wondering, when this madness would end, offcourse brought out of my reverie by the honking of a motorbike (okada) beside me.
I approach the red light and I see Lagosians flout every form of law and order there is. Last week thursday when I got off work,i plugged my handsfree into my phone, strapped my self into the seat and gunned the engine. The ride was a rather smooth one without the usual craziness of traffic on Ozumba Mbadiwe Street.As i approached an intersection, I slowed down at the traffic light, and waited for it to give me the Go! I turned left on my cue and next thing i knew, a commercial bus ran smack into me. For a second I had an out-of-body experience. You know one of those where you are seeing the unfolding events like you are actually not there. The guy ran the red light and there it was, an "accident" which resulted from disobeying simple traffic rules,no one takes cognizance of the fact that traffic lights are installed for the safety of the fellow road user.So, the guy incurrs the debt of fixing the car and I get the inconvenience of not having a car for over a week.
Sometimes when we refuse to follow rules, we end up causing more harm than good, not only to ourselves but to others too.
When the traffic management officials are not there, chaos rules supreme. Sanity and flies right out the window and road users become maniacs, each trying to push his way through like the rest of you have come to the road to stay put.
Take trash for instance, people toss trash out of windows like there is some invisble waste bin there just waiting top take it in, dropping plastic bags on the floor and ...wait for it.. wait for it.... digging through the deep crevices of ur throat to spit out the thickest possible phlegm you can find and ..'splat'.. on the side of the road!!! ARRRGHHHHH it just makes me cringe.

Rules, law, orders, those things are handed down to us by others for effective running of society, so why do we not follow laid down rules? ( and I say 'we' because I too am prone to disorderliness every now and then) I do not believe that we should rightly hold the totem of " rules are meant to be broken" like it's life support, rather we should all strive to do our bit, in making things work.
So next time you are on a queue, hold out till it gets to your turn, and dont shout at the cashier, or throw trash on the road. Let's make our society a better place to live in and for our children to grow up in.

My Dear One

A beautiful Journey
A life to be spent
Holding your hand
Taking it slow
Knowing that,
however, whichever, whenever
You will be there

Every step, loving
Every day trusting
that no matter what
You will be there
and I will, too
That thought is enough
For us to make it through
This step taken today
by me and you

I love you now
I love u forever
I love you still
My exquisitely beautiful Bride
my gem in the rough

My unique pearl
Priceless.
That is who you are.
That is what I am honored to have.
Thank you for having me
my dear one,
Rare, Soft and Unique

Letting go

I hold on to my anger
I want it to fester
I hold on for it is all I know
For ye though
I miss you so
I refuse to let go
Letting go will mean forgiving
Forgiving will mean admitting
That though I’m hurt
I may also have hurt
But I miss you so
And I love you so
And I am sorry...
So sorry!

Good measure, pressed down...

You are taught very early in life that it is more blessed to give than to receive. You are told further that God loves a cheerful giver, that when you give it will come back to you. You are then told that when you give you get in return "good measure, pressed down and running over"
I have mulled over this thought over and over and I find that I am not quite sure of what to make of what has been handed to me over the years.
How is it that when I take out of what i have in my resources, then some multiplier effect comes into play and increases what i have left!!! plus while i am depleting these resources of mine, i am supposed to do it cheerfully?? it doesn't make any logical sense!!!
It leads me to try and unravel the issues;what is 'logical' and the full extent of this 'multiplier effect'
But it seems in matters of "faith" there is no logic or reason to be understood.. you just step out in the understanding that you are doing what you are doing free from any encumberant thoughts.

So why do we give?

I beleive we give primarily because we have to give, for it is a well known dictum that a man can not give what he does not have. We give because we are willing to sacrifice, we look deep within ourselves and say No to ourselves and Yes to the person we are about to bestow whatever it is we want to give. We give because we love, because love makes us do things we normally would not do. We give sometimes in anticipation that we would get back. We give sometimes because we have no other choice.

Whatever the reason we find that we give.. and I think that is enough because giving, for whatever reason is not a very easy feat. It takes a strong person to give.

It speaks of character, whatever kind of character ( for those who do it for not so positive reasons). It speaks volumes about you, because giving is an art.

We give various things,tangible and intangible objects. We sometimes give of ourselves and that to me is the greatest gift of all.
To give you... says "all I am and all i ever wanna be, Here, take it"!
Giving does have that multiplier effect, it makes you feel good, it shows you what kind of person you are and it tells you that you can be better than you are. You have given something that has put a smile on another person's face, lifted a burden and wiped a tear.
By your giving you have touched a life.
My conclusion, a giver is a gem... a rare one, because giving is beautiful.

Tick Tick Tick

Have you ever stopped to watch a ticking clock? it just goes on and on and on and doesn't stop! That is what happens when we are born, we just keep living till we die. It is what we do in the time that we are alive that matters.
I have always wanted to know how to play a musical instrument, nothing fancy, I guess the Piano or the Organ would have done quite nicely, but I never got around to learning. In primary school I learnt the notes "EGBDF" Every Good Boy Deserves Favour... I knew they were notes, but I never knew how to combine them to make beautiful sound.
Last night I went to see a concert, GF Handel's Messiah and a performance of his Passion of the Christ. It was simply beautiful. I was lost in the beauty of the music and the combination of the violins, Cello and Double bass was simply indescribable. I was there with my first love, MUSIC and I could not stop wishing I could be part of the whole thing. I wanted to feel the keys of the piano as i produced that lovely sound. I wished my fingers were plucking away at the strings of the violin, I wished that I stretched my chords to the heavens and released that beautiful music.
That was as far as I could go with the wishing because i knew that there was something I could do more than wish... I could learn.
So thinking, what are those things I should learn how to do, things that would give satisfaction... this is not exactly like a "bucket list" this is a reflection on the things I should learn to do while I have time.
Time just has this annonying way of flying.You wake up one morning and you are 30 and the last time you checked you were solving sums in Lacombes... It is truly creepy.
The most important thing is this, "do whatever you can do while you are young and you have time, for when your fingers are all old and knobbled to may no longer be able to plunk the strings of a guitar.
For now, I'm going to register in a class where I can learn Music, A voice training class, a diploma in music, something! Something to make me feel I did something worthwhile in my time here, so that when the clock stops ticking, I can smile and rememeber the notes that made up the ticking clock!
Tick tick tick...

One of the beautiful things to appreciate in life is dawn. As i lie here on the parade ground ( this was written originally around 4 am on the 18th of march 2009) it is dark and the only thing I can see in the expanse of the sky is the moon.
The shape of the moon is more half moon than crescent. The highlight of the crescent is truly beautiful. It strikes me as a half slice of pizza, tempting and inviting you to reach out to it!
The canopy of the sky is littered with stars, shiny dusty speckles up there.
As the dawn breaks into daylight the stars slowly fade out, I am saddend to see them go but I notice I am able to see clearer, the outline of the man infront of me is more visible. I feel a tug in my heart as the darkness fades away and the light takes it place. The moon is still there as it has not given way to the sun.
I lie back wondering when the sun shall graces us with it's glorious prescence.
The sky is now bluish gray with smattering touches of pink. The gray highlights are from the clouds as they gracefully enter this stage. This canopy of light, colour and beauty.
I'm trully awed by the awesome power of God.
It is now 7 a.m and my Pizza slice moon is still visible, but here comes the most beautiful thing of all time... as the slice slowly fades awat it is looking more like a crescent and it is right there on the left side of my canopy of nature. On the right hand is a great ball of light. It is Orange and it is bright. It is slowly climbing up to take it's place. In it's full glory, the sun is rising.
I do not believe I can fully describe in mere words what I am seeing and experiencing.
As i watch in amazement,I see a juxtapositon between nature and man-made. I see the sunlight peeking from behind a tree, but then i see a power pole right beside the tree. The cables all strung across from pole to pole and then this bright light overshadowing it all. The light of the sun effusing really brightly behind the tree and the pole.
I couldn't have asked for a better way to start my day!

These things we do

Being single evokes a lot of feelings in me. This is partly because a lot of times I am thinking about how to get married, when to get married, why am I not even married!!! blah blah bla... and so the thoughts go on! Then somewhere along the line I ask myself, " So when you are married gaan sef, what do u now want to do" then I reply myself and say " then I can start my life"
But the truth is not a lot of women who get married have the desired effect they hope marriage will give, not a lot of women actually "start" their life in that sense and this is because women marry for various reasons.

Some marry to escape the pressures of their father's houses and end up finding out that men are the same everywhere, whether they are your parents or they are your husband! They are just "lords" in their own homes.
I have heard scary tales of men that beat their wives,men who are downright lazy and have just no ambition that you have to keep carrying them along, men that leave their wives for no reason, men who get drunk consistently, men who have absolutely no regard for their spouses!!!
Ah these men are everywhere, their ages range from 25 to 75..Yes!!! they are everywhere!!
I dont know the specie of men i fear the most; the one that has no ambition, or the one that has too much of it and will try to push me farther than I can go.
Then I stop and think, there are those women who get married because they are getting old.. yes I said the dreaded word " OLD" and they just need companionship. They envision a man growing old with them and holding their hand as they walk through the sands of time. But pray tell, what is companionship with a man who will never stay at home, or when he is home he drives you to your wits end!!!! Will it not be better if you were alone?
What about men that will not help around the house? they are the ones who cry the loudest that they want you to give them children and they are the ones who do not lift a finger in the work that comes with raising children??
Why do we do these things?
I know of a man who has refused to learn how to drive. You may think this is not a great issue but it is. It is such a big deal. How on earth will a man not be able to drive his family to places?????It just plain rattles me. There is something about getting behind the wheels and driving, it speaks of taking charge, it speaks of giving direction, it speaks quite loudly of what position the man has chosen to take in the family. He is more comfortable in the passenger's seat while "madam" ferries him and his children across the city.
So what happens when they are at a party and they need their car to be moved, then "madam" gets up to go and move her car out of the way??? It is just so unacceptable in our culture. Do you know what society is going to classify the woman as ? it will be said of her that she has 'used' the head of that man.. meanwhile no one is using any one's head.. the man is just plain lazy and doesn't wanna learn how to drive!!!!!
Please man who does not drive and has refused to learn, don't sit there in the passenger's sit and teach me how to maneuver the car from left to right or my head would just explode!!!!!!
So these things we do, wishing for men, wishing they would marry us, wishing they would stay with us... why do we do them??
Why do we wish for what may invariably shorten our lifespan?
We seek the ever so elusive "few good men" and when we dont find them we settle for the next best thing!
Because for whatever it is worth we need them for there to be balance, ( annonying though it may be) there is something in the touch of a man you loved( or have chosen to love) that makes you forget his inadequacies.Why is this so?
Don't ask me.. i don't claim to have all the answers!

A friend once wrote that she would like to have only sons, because she wants to be responsible for bringing some good men into the world. I laughed when i read it but I realised that in a way, our men are all flawed and it was our duty as mothers and mothers-to-be to bring up nice and decent men. Yes, good, decent,responsible men!