Truly Madly Deeply in Love

I stared into his eyes, and all I could see was the depth of what he felt for me. I reached out to touch his face, the roughness of the day's worth of hair on felt good to touch. Just knowing he was here, and he was mine was enough to make me smile. I leaned into him to kiss him, and just when I thought I could not love him more, he said, "You bring me joy babes". There was a catching in my breath before I planted my lips soundly on his. It was like I drew all the strength I needed from holding him.

We walked to his car, and he opened the door for me, I smiled as I got in.. my boo, ever the curteous man. Unlike most Nigerian men who took you for granted, he always opened the door for me, held out my seat, and hauled all the heavy things. As we drove to my brother's home for Sunday lunch, I turned on the radio.. news of the Hatian Election and Wyclef's attempt to rule the nation flooded our car. I said.. "na wa oh.. Actors and musicians sha believe they can do this governance thing". I threw my hands up in mock exasperation, the love of my life smiled at me and said.."Ronke, u need to think outside the box" He proceeed to explain the intrigues of politics in relation to poverty ridden countries. I stared in marvel at how God could have blessed lil' ol' me with a man so intellectually stimulating and caring enough to break down the nitty gritty of every topic to me. Beside him, I felt I could take on the world. I smiled and gazed out of the window... the sun was bright, the sky was blue and the world just looked good.


****SPLASH OF COLD WATER******


Wake up!!!!!!


Oh guys, did I get ur juices rolling there? aww.. pele.. yours and mine as well! You see I've been wondering how it would feel to be truly madly deeply in love. As I typed the above I kept saying.. "Ah Ronke.. see this dodoyo picture you' re painting" lol .. I've become such a cynic that even picturing myself so 'mumu-ically' in love is hard! lol lol! Offcourse the part where I'm leaning in and kissing the hot intelligient boy doesnt seem so far off.. but all that he gazed into my eyes and he opened the door bit...**shaking my head*** nkn nkn...Even I can't picture it.

So what exactly is wrong with me? Seriously guys.. I want to fall in love before it becomes too late oh! I'm becoming more and more hopeless at these love matters by the day! It seems the only people I'm capable of loving are my family members and my friends....I mean, when will I fall in love with that boy that will make me go "oohh ahh" you know what I mean?


**sigh**

Seriously, I need help! I meet people everyday and I think, yeah nice but I don't just see it happening. I don't imagine that click.. or is that click...only in movies?
The scariest part for me is.. I don't wanna be so jaded, that I start infecting people who are truly in love (choke**)with my Miss Grinch behaviour.. you know? How someone tells me they met this really awesome guy and I go .. "ehn.. does he have a job? I hope he's not with u because u have a blue passpoprt oh, ah.. " why can't I just let people in love be? I mean, I don't actually say it to them .. but I *yimu* ( I don't know what yimu is in English.. ok maybe it means shrug.. ok not shrug..shrug is done with your shoulders... yimu is done with ur nose, you know that thing you do when you twitch ur nose? ehen..)

I wanna fall in love soon.. with a boy/man/guy off course! and I wanna do it soon!

But said man must be intellectually stimulating oh! abeg.. oh and did I mention he must be HAWT as well? see I'm not asking for too much, you see.
I have not gone on and on about wealth, house, car.. Just be smart.. funny and goodlooking.. those three things will oil the wheels of this my falling in love business!

So, dude.. do quick and come.. let's make that my fantasy/dream a reality?
ok?

Have a good week people!

Bar Finals 170808

My soul is awash
The flood of reality covers me
Im drowning at the thought of being swamped by all this work

In my sleep, the magnitude of it all plagues me,
turbulence in my dreams because of what i left behind in my wakeful world
I see Procedures at night, Rules during the day,
Laws at noon and Orders at dusk

It feels like the only thing i live for
Seven days of fighting a battle which the Sovereign has told me I've won
Yet, the war must be fought and i must be named Victor

This war, this battle, this albatross
It is called THE BAR FINALS
And i am Victoria
The queen of excellence


The title is self explanatory

Broke 180708

I feel as though im such a burden
I have to depend on someone else for sustainance
Every quirk gets to me
Is it because they feed me,
Is it because i lack the freedom to pick and choose
Or am i just being hormonal?
Do these little things not mean the things i think they mean?

Im so depressed, I just dont want to do anything
But i can write
I take solace in the keyboard
I can speak about my feelings and not be reproached.
I can express freely the fact that i hate the fact that i am broke
without sounding like a nag

The weightlessness of my wallet is really getting to me,
The burden of the thought is much more than i can bear
It's making me rememeber things i should ordniarily discountenance
If i were not broke, I would have gone the whole nine yards for her
Is it because things are this way that i have to wait till he is ready?

If i can only get to the cash dispenser,
If i can get a whiff of crisp notes
I'm sure it would go a long way in helping my disposition
Because this state of things is not the way things should be
Broke Broken Brokenness....
Im going to get through this, I know i will
I know i must


I wrote this in Law school as well... I was extremely broke... no cash, no expectation of cash from anywhere. But I had awesome friends... they fed me, the encouraged me, they got me through. So here goes... another blast from the past.

Heartstrings 03.08.08

My Breasts hurt from the need to be suckled
I am in so much pain from inside
it's hard to distinguish which hurts more
The fact that we are not together
or the fact that we have to be apart
I yearn for when we will be together
My dear Son
My child
The product of my womb
The strings of my heart,
not tugging, but yanking real hard
Im hurting so badly
I need u to be nestled in my arms
I need to know that you are safe
The time we have spent together
So short, so valuable, so cherished
It seems like all i can think of is when i can be with u
When will i hold u in my arms my beloved son
I need u, because being away from u hurts
the lacerations i have physically
they are numb compared to the pain i feel inside
Can i shout, Can i scream?
From the injustice of it all
Why do i have to be torn away from my Son
Who was there when i carried him
longer than term, the time shared
The comfort of knowing u were safe within me
If i could I would...
Keep u safe, Safe my love
Safe from the world
Safe from those who tear us apart now

I wrote this in 2008, my friend had just had a baby and had to come to come write her Bar finals. Her husband and her sisters-in-law did not allow her bring her baby! She was extremely miserable and she cried all the time. I felt the burden to write.. and that's what I did... I wrote!

Circle Of Life

Good people, I want to blog. Seriously, I need to write. I feel deprived. My fingers feel betrayed. I have refused to do something I totally enjoy doing... writing.
I have had a lot of "profound moments" lost 'cos i was not near my computer or sometimes, I wanna whine but I'm just so engrossed in the weight of my feelings that I can't seem to find my blog mojo. However, as I started typing this today, I have nothing in particular I wanna write about, but you see i've found that all I need to do is start typing, it'll come to me. I hope it comes soon oh, before i bore y'all!

I became an aunty AGAIN on friday.. Well Friday in Los Angeles, actually 1 am Saturday in Lagos. I'm pretty excited actually, cos this is my first niece. Well my first biological niece 'cos i call my cousin's daughter my niece too)...So she's kinda special. I may not see my niece till October though, 'cos she's in America and may not come to Lagos till September! which seems like eons away right now! You can imagine my excitement. My mum says she looks like my brother, I've seen pictures which show that she looks like a baby.. you know.. all babies look alike to me. I don't really get when people see day-old babies and go.. "oh she looks like her daddy, or she looks like her mummy"... I don't see what they see.. but then I'm short sighted so hey.. blame my poor vision. however, I wanna hold her in my arms, I wanna kiss her, I wanna love her, I wanna hear her cry, I wanna tell her how much I love her.. yes.. i wanna whisper little nothings into her ears... **sigh** I could go on and on really!!So you all get my point shebi? I have a niece, I've not seen her, I wanna love her to pieces, I'm constrained to do same! End of Discussion

This year has been rough for my family oh! In seven months, we have been through hell and back, my brother passed on in March. It rocked us badly.. as in... Seriously. He had this really horrible accident and we were all caught unawares, you know, when you are smooth sailing ans all of a sudden you hit a rock... and bam!!! ur cozy boat capsizes.. it was a shock. You know one of those things life never really prepares you for? I think of my brother EVERY day. I don't cry as much now. The amazing thing about the tragedy that befell us is this, we are so much closer now. It's amazing. It's as if we all got born-AGAIN on the 22nd of March, like we saw ourselves in a whole new light. We however, did not contemplate that we would find this place of love without Sage(that's what we called him). I mean, you should have seen my family before my brother went to meet the Lord, my dad and I were always at lugger heads.. Sage was in a world of his own... thinking we did not like his wife, my mum was always running in circles trying to play mediator between us and her husband.. it was just a war zone... I mean, we loved each other but we all had our pride and our Taiwo sturboness. We were all in a world of our own, but God had his own plans, HE was just looking at us and saying.. see this spoilt people oo.. I have given them all this love, brightness, wealth, comfort.. and see what they are still doing.. fighting and bickering abi? #Slam... tragedy and then more tragedy. It was sad, and it is still a trying period, but we have learnt that we can only do this walk of life with God and with each other. No one has learnt that lesson better than us.

So i go around now preaching the gospel of Love oh.. are u quarelling with anyone? go and make up sharp sharp... are u being sturbon? is your pride standing in the way of love? Let it go mehn..' cos you don't know when life can be cut short.

Love life, listen to good music, appreciate the beautiful things in life, like little babies and family. Look up in the sky and appreciate the darkening clouds, cos after the rains, will definately come the sunshine.

The circle of life... it happens to everyone of us... Life and Death.. happens to us all. It's what we do with it that matters!

Peace Out y'all!!!

** wink**

Money Money Money

Once again, I'm here to try and write my way out of this messy place that is my mind. I think I have a lot of spare time and thus, my mind goes into an overdrive. For instance, I've taken to fantasizing about a veryyy hot and intellectually stimulating young man that i recently met.. as in trust me guys.. the guy is verry HAWT!!! **sigh** there i go digressing again!

So as i was saying, so in the quagmire of my mind, one thing is recurrent in my musings..Money Money Money.. known as 'cheese' , 'cheddah' 'kudi' 'owo' or as they sy in 2010 'Paper'..

Money they say, makes the world go round.The lack or paucity of it however, makes people sad.. well me sha... makes ME sad! When I'm broke i'm like really sad. You'd think something was wrong with me! I find it hard to see the other beautiful things of the world like oh the lovely sky or the beauty of the rainbow or gee how bright the moon is in the sky tonight... nahh not me! When I'm broke I'm sad!
I'd like to be wealthy, (you and me both i can hear you say) but then... what do you do to actually make money?

A friend of mine recently left her lucrative law practice for the 'esteemed' Bench. Unfortunately, the magistrates have been on strike for over three months now and my friend has not been paid. She has slowly been eating into her savings and she's getting to the end of her rope! She sent me a text on monday expressing how miserable she was and what she should do..I was sad, cos I had no way of helping.. What do you say to someone who wants to work but her workforce mates are on strike, thus she doesn't get paid. I could not tell her to get another job 'cos, hey the jobs are not strewn out there on the streets waiting for who'd pick them up now are they? I've been thinking on how to help my friend and then guess what I read online? Tiger Woods's ex wife get's awarded $500m in the suit against her ex husband!!!!!


WHATTT?????



I thought, gee, all we need now is for my friend 'D' to go and marry one wealthy athlete nau....(lol.. forgive my spelling... it's inspired by Twitter)

It's easy to get disgusted at the cheating and promiscuos ways of Tiger ( I'm assuming y'all know what he did right? or was caught doing!!!)But hey... Elin or Erin .. (what's her name??)is making a killing off this fiasco don't you guys think? I mean, I lose a man, (**cough cough** the love of my life) and all of a sudden I feel the insane need to milk him dry? I don't see her crying over the loss of a marriageor a partner.,. I see her smiling to the bank with a whole lot of Paper!!!!!! The lawyers are going to be sooo frigging happy right now, I mean some lawyers in this matter are going to be planning their holidays in grandstyle right now! imagine the percentages..whoa!

Anyway, I'm losing focus... It's all about the money isn't it?

So how do we make money, our parents teach us that it's more honourable to make money through hardwork, diligence and prayer.. but I look around me and I see so much wealth I keep stopping to ask.. 'ahn ahn.. 25 year old, duplex in lekki.. how come?' then i get nudged and told ' his dad is blah blah, so and so..' I'm begining to think my parents were not so truthful to me.. 'cos I see alot of wealth around me and I see soooo much poverty around me as well! and these people that are poor are hardworking oh... they are dilligent in their hardwork and trust me that have faith that can move mountains!! ** sigh** so what is going on?

I really need money, I work hard ( or so i think) , I have a thirst for the finer things of life that just wont go away.. a new car, jewelry that can blind you, a lovely home, and all the glitterati that comes with money na!!

I want I want I want... but in the mean time, since I don't have it. I can go back to fantasizing about HAWT intelligient boy.. NO?


:D YES!!!

The good book also says that the Love of money is the root of money.. ( err... *glancing around to see if no one's watching** but i want me some tho')

Footprints in the Sand

As she sat in the waiting room of Berkelyside Memorial Hospital, the thoughts that flooded her head were bizarre and far from organized. She wondered, pondered and considered why she did not just jump off the sofa and make the fastest dash to her car.
However against her present innate instinct, she tried to steady her shaky hands. Somehow she did not believe that fate could be this cruel to her, not after all she had been through, she did not want to have to deal with medical issues.

Lara Onweagba… at least that is what she had been for the last 3 years of hr life had grown accustomed to pain and suffering, at least the emotional variant of it. The superficial lifestyle of covering it all up beneath a smile and a warm hug here and there had become her strong forte; and even though she was not one who would run away from what she was feeling, she kept it carefully concealed. However, when it became unbearable, when she was alone she would soak herself in the misery of what her life had slowly and sadly become.

She stared at the painting on the wall. It was a landscape of an area in Lagos. The burst of the colors employed depicted the brightness of the artist and she got up to get a closer look at the name of the artist. ‘Graham-Douglas’. It was written in that lazy scrawl of his. Somehow she should have guessed that the use of the rues in that painting were consistent with Luke’s work and the lively way he attended to his subjects that gave the observer an insight into his personality and his emotions at the time of creating the work. Lara looked at the date on the painting, March 2004. That was the month after she had moved back to Nigeria, it was the month after he proposed to her.

For a second there she was translated to another time and another place, where she was happy and bright. A time when everything seemed beautiful and she could swear that the world was a much better place to be than now. She glanced at her watch, her appointment was for 2pm but she had arrived here an hour earlier. The anxiety in her heart did not allow her sit still. She needed to get here and receive the doctor’s verdict on her scans.

___________________________________________________________________________________



Luke slashed away angrily at the canvass, he was working on a mix of dark colors. The picture he was working on had yet to be formed clearly in his mind but he needed to do something to keep him from going insane. Luke always found solace in his work and right He stared blankly at the wall behind the canvass for some odd reason, seeking inspiration from nothingness. He felt like Vladimir from one of those books he had read in his teenage years. “Waiting for Godot”
Caught up in the vortex of what he constantly called his failures he felt lost.

A month ago, his long estranged brother was involved in a freak accident. A freak accident indeed for there was no better word to describe how a generator would explode for no reason after being turned on with no previous history of malfunction. Lance Graham Douglas was at the moment lying in the intensive care unit of Abercrombie Infirmary in Victoria Island. The doctors kept telling Luke to be hopeful even though the prognosis was bad.

All he could think of was the last time he spoke to Lance and the strong and virulent words that had passed between them. Lance could not wrap his head around why his brother left their home in America, where he had his work displayed in every major art gallery in the East Coast. Luke felt it was none of Lance’s business where he chose to run his business after all if Lance could live successfully and happily here in Nigeria so could he.
Luke cursed under his breath “damn u Lance for being a ‘know-it-all’”, because somewhere in his heart he felt that his brother might have been right all along.
Even though they were twins, Lance had always felt responsible for his brother. Luke on the other hand, felt he was his own man and could make his own decisions, Lone Ranger style.
He was not making any progress with what he was working on at the moment anyway. The work looked dark and moody and was not a reflection of who he truly was. Sighing he walked toward the window and then his phone buzzed. He glared at it in anger, not much good news comes through the phone these days.
____________________________________________________________________________________

The woman sitting under the tree in front of her house was a constant nuisance, she had tried and failed to displace her and now was not the time to get into that argument. She left her hand on the buzzer at the gate and hoped to the heavens that Effiong was not off on a frolic of his own. With an upraised fist, about to pound on the fist the gate cracked open. “Welcome madam” She gave him a once over and stumped up the stairs towards the front porch.

“Seun” She yelled as she opened the door to the kitchen. The buzzing in her head increased, almost sensing that she was near food. Unable to decipher if the hunger was from anxiety or from the fact that she had not eaten all day, she opened the fridge and grabbed an apple. Where was everybody? She’d come here thinking she would be able to talk to her daughter before the news broke. With kids and the internet generation, one could not be sure what they heard and from where!

'Yes mommy' Her daughter had a frown on her face but Anke could not really be bothered. Giving her a once over she smiled 'no hugs? I don't get a hug'? Her eight year old daughter was the most adorable creature ever, and even when she was scowling she was just so pretty! Seun huddled across the living room to where her mother was standing and gave her a hug! "Mum, I was working on my notes, my recital is on saturday and i need it to be perfect. Mr Lambert says I need to work on my lines" Anke rolled her eyes and marvelled about the passion with which her daugher spoke about her violin and the school ochestra! "Sweetie, mommy needs to talk to you about something very important,and I need you to sit down ok?"

Cautiously, Seun sat down near her mom, and looked in her face. Dear God, give me strength to do this 'cos You know i don't deserve this angelic child...

Taking in a deep breath, she started telling Seun how they came to live in Abuja. A story that was long over due and had now become extremely neccesary!


(To Be Continued)