To Port and back

Last week, I turned my nose up and told my sister i would never.. lai lai.. me ke.. never take the coach from London to NewCastle. I planned to scrape any extra I had to take the train oh, I did not mind, anything but having to endure that 6hour ride with those old people ( ever noticed the north east of England is predominantly occupied by old people?? my own statistics anyway!) I shuddered at the thought.
Lailai.. never me ke!

This same me.... I have just returned from a 12-hour trip from Port Harcourt oh!!!!!

The suffer of this weekend does not have part 2.

I did not quickly make up my mind to go for this wedding, by the time I decided to go the air fares had gone sky high and right now im thinking in the Sterling. So in my mind, the trip to PH by air would have cost me at least 250pounds.. taxi to and from the airport inclusive! So i decided.. very grudgingly.. to go by road. The worst of road travel in Nigeria is in those contraptions called 'Luxurious' buses, those things are by no means luxurious and I was not about to point it out to them oh!So here I was going to PH on friday evening, by road... night bus!!! So i figured, I'd get to the 'garden city' by 7 am, take a shower, tong my hair, get dressed, look pretty and go for the wedding. I had it all planned that by sunday morning, I'd be back in my house, in Lagos, right??? nope.. very wrong.
Everything that could go wrong went wrong. The bus company decided that they were going to leave at 4.30pm! I was surprised, i should have taken that as a cue that all was not going to be well oh, no.. (im dim like that sometimes) i proceeded to buy the 5k ticket to Port Harcourt via ABC transport 'your passport to service' ( whatever that means!!!!!!!!!). Anyway, I'd had a hectic morning and before we got to Shagamu I was in snooze land. This was just fine by me, I did not mind waking up and hearing that we were in PH. At about 10.30 pm, my aunty nudged me awake, we had arrived in Benin and the bus was stopping. We all got out for the routine stretching of legs and those who felt the need to eat at night did so. We got back into the bus and once again, I slept. I woke up 6 hours later and guess what????

We were still in that stop over place in Benin!!! I could have fainted right there and then.
The frigging bus company apparently have a policy that they dont travel at night!!! Can you imagine?? I was on a night bus that was not going to travel at night?? i mean ..wharraaaaheeeelllll????? Ok we don hear.. oya make una come make we begin the waka from Benin to PH na?? they had to go and wake the driver from wherever he was sleeping oh. So he sha finally came and we got to PH at 11.30 am!!!! I was tired, angry, cranky and definately not in the mood to celebrate with anyone oh!
Because of the way I'd scheduled my trip, everything I brought along for the trip was in my hand bag, not so for my aunty who decided to come with a .. what can i call it now.. a 'portmanteau'. She now decided that she was going to the church service from the ABC station oh, to cut the long story short she left me saddled with her 'portmanteau'. Let me quickly describe this box. You know those little boxes that chics who go on quick weekend trips pack their things in? those boxes have been personified to be "short time boxes" So there i was in PH... with that box. I just felt so wrong carrying that thing!
Next problem, where would I change out of my jeans? I went to the hotel where my brother and sister-in-law were and I showered there. Im sure I spent almost an hour under the shower.. I needed to wash Benin off my body na!
So I dressed up and had to go take a cab to the wedding reception venue, standing in front of the hotel, in my dress, all made up and with that annonying box in my hand .. i was the definition of all forms of cliches gone bad!!! I just felt wierd!!!!
It was a horrid feeling.
The wedding went well and I was just too tired to take the night bus. So this morning, I decided to come by another bus company.. Agofure Motors!
This was a smaller bus with airconditioning, i thought, this should not be bad.. I was soo wrong.
I sat on the back seat, and the shock absorbers of the bus were either non existent or were badly eroded, because.... i felt every single tremor, shake and quake of that bad nasty road. For 12 hours I was jiggled and juggled. I felt the rattling of my bones, sleep sef no fit come. This return journey was worse than the coming. At least I got to sleep in Benin for 6 hours of the 19hours on the road! The driver was unrepentant, he said there was no way he could avoid the monstrous pot holes on the road. With every pot hole or crater... my bones rattled. To make matters worse, my period came... I dont blame it. Im sure my uterus quaked with every movement of the bus. Poor matter....
My aunty, in attempting to be sympathetic said.. " You need to get used to these things".. If you see the venom with which I used to reply.. lai lai .. me i can not get used to suffer head o! if no be sey money yab man.. chei

lai lai me ke????

lol

So now really, who am I to say I cant take the coach from London to NewCastle??
National Express here I come!!! what is a few annonying stops at service stations and annonying old white women trying to show you the pictures of all of their 13 grandchildren when ive endured far worse? and i did not break??
Lai lai.. me ke!!!

Of Debuts and Self-Discovery

My friend and colleague recently got signed on to G-mail and was curious as to what to write in the little box that says 'Status Update', since I was very unhelpful with my suggestions she went on to write "Debut". I found this quite apt. It was her first time on the g-talk and gmail and there she was going all around looking for people who had G-mail so she could add them to her chat list. Debut can be quite exciting i thought.. but not all the time. Last week friday, there was a gospel concert show called The Experience which has been running annually for the past 4 years.So, I decided to go, my debut at the Experience I called it. I was indeed going to have an Experience. First I did not drive, no way was I going to subject myself to the maddening traffic of lagos Island on a day when a free show was being organized, with 'area boys' all over the place and then parking would be another issue.. hence... I decided to take the BRT bus. Another Debut, as I had never been on those things and they'd been around for more than 15 months now. My debut ride on the BRT was not fun o!!! I had heard tales of how the bus was airconditioned and was just like London buses.. I was in for a rude shock. I had to stand all the way to TBS( The venue of the show) and then, the bus was soo hot.... I felt like I was back in Bwari... it was hot, people just kept chatting and it just did my head in!!! I could notr scream, I was having a break down there and then. It was going to get worse. Getting down at TBS and having to mill through the crowds had me thinking " You know you are not cut out for all these freebie things oh" but i trudged on, people pressing at me at all sides, traders calling out to you "Experience Gala, Experience Don Moen... Buy your whistle, Jesus is lord poster".. Some people were even selling jollof rice.. I kept praying that I would just get inside and find a seat. I did get a seat alright.. on the bleachers ( for what else will I call it? bleachers is the tush name for that concrete stone we sat on oh!) Apparently, getting to the venue at 5.30pm for a 7pm show was not good enough. Some people apparently had been sitting there since 12 noon, thats why they got choice seats . I thought " To see CeCe Winans no do me reash like this ooo, make I con siddon for here since 12 noon? Tufiakwa!!!" Anyway, my debut at the Experience was not a nice one oh, the whistling, cat calls, beagle blowing and sing-along did not allow me have a nice debut, I left at 8.30pm. The lure of my bed and the comfort of home over took the desire to have an Experience.
I also had another debut last week.I got a query from my direct boss, asking why such a clerical task that had been assigned to me was so demanding. It was coming I knew but I guess it just didnt leave me feeling as 'i dont care really' as I thought it would. I actually felt really bad about it and I still do. I dont like getting into the bad books of anyone and it really was not nice. I apologized though and I really wish this feeling would go away. It makes me sad...

Anyway, so I'm blogging and it should make me happy right???

So on self discovery.
I went for a training last week and I made some interesting self discoveries.
I am mediocre. Nothing more than you regular Jane Average. Nothing exciting gets me excited, I am booring and dry and .... this is beggining to sound like a dirge.
Ok enough of the sad and dreary stuff for the morning. Let me get back to work or any pretence of it whatsoever!

I've been sitting here trying to figure out a title to this blog and I realised I really can't put a name to what I want to say so I guess I'll just go with the flow.
A friend of mine is very much involved in a guy, they are seeing a whole lot of themselves and though she says they are not dating, I do not have a better word to describe what they have going on. They spend loads of time in the car parked right in front of her house, at other times they are in a restaurant not too far from her house. At any material time they are never more than a 2 mile radius from her house. I asked her why they were 'always' in the car and she threw the question back at me. Long after she fell asleep it had me thinking.. what does dating really entail.I started thinking up scenarios.
The guy lives alone and the chic lives with her parents right? so they both get back from work around 7 pm( let's say both parties work on the island) .. ok so after work where do they meet?

1. Do they meet in the girl's house? in her living room with her parents sitted, all watching "network news" (me thinks there would be alot of akward moments plus no 'chance' for kissing and canoodling) Also, what do you do for food? Do you eat dinner made in the chic's house, by the mummy, the younger ones, or the househelp? Do you sit in the living room after work every day and get asked "Uncle Yemi, we made beans and plantain this night, would you like me to dish you some?"
   
2. Do they sit in the car? and neck all night long? how much of talking can they do in the car 7 days a week, 4 weeks a month, 12 months a year!! ( argggghhhh!!)
3. Do they go out from one 'joint' to another? Eating, cinema, bar hopping, throw in a little karaoke, a little opera or the random stage play or the other odd thing.

Take for instance both the chic and the guy live in their respective parents' houses, do you sit and bond with the guy's family ( and this is the dating stage oh.. not the girlfriend forming-ive been married into the family- you just dont know it yet -sort ooo) do you sit in the living in room and help guy's mum do her zipper? and remember if you are there too long one day you will hear " Erm, Lande dear, please quickly boil rice for Zachary and Peter, I'm running late for the Women's league meeting"
Meanwhile on a totally unrelated note, so on tuesday at work, a colleague of mine brouht out her lunch, very nice looking jollof rice, we all commented that the rice was nice o, and we all asked where she got it from, she said "From home" . Me and my big mouth, i proceeded to ask ( knowing she stays with her brother) "does your brother have a cook?" and next thing she says "Yes!!" Then she says "my brother's girlfriend, she cooks now, she cooks for my brother and I now so is she not a cook?" Ah.. I was shocked, honestly if na me be the chic, one day i go put rat poison inside the younger sister food true!! imagine calling her brother's girlfriend a cook because the poor girl is nice enough to make the odd dinner or 2.
Anyway, back to my problem of what dating entails.
I think it would be better for all parties if the guy lives alone right? so if he lives alone you can just go and hang in his house right? and avoid all the drama of where we stay, and what we do where! Because really, the 'toasting' stage with the phone calls and all start to wear thing after you guys start dating proper and then what???
What does dating entail?? Sitting in the car, or in the house? whose house? where will the parents be?do you chill in the guy's room? is the home flexible enough to allow visitors into the bedrooms? if you decide to chill in the living room then, will other family members get up and leave you two love birds to just be............
Or will you in the case of somepeople go from place to place to place to place, every night leaving your 'regulars' mark on every footmat!

Please explain to me.

Rant!!!!

I was going to type this yesterday ( sunday) morning because the subject of my rant had just happend and I was angry.. but seeing as I was on my way to church I felt, "not let the venom spil your time of worship with the Lord" oh so I let it pass. Offcourse as I drove to church I thought about it all the way and I kept telling myself .."let it go"

Ok so I officially hate any of my friends that is in a happy-oh goodie-he makes my feet tingle- bloody -happy relationship right now!

It's bad enough that I do not have a man , I mean do you have to rub my "alone-ness" in my face?
3 things have happend in the last 1 month that have made me feel this way, because normally I'm perfectly happy with my life and I normally am not bothered about man or lack of being in a relationship, for me being with my brother and sister-in-law ( the sum total of my human relationship scale), being with my laptop, with fast internet and a TV series which wont end anytime soon helps, and offcourse a once a week update of gossip is just enough to keep me rolling ..( Dont ask about the sex part jare.. I get on just fine!!)
Anyway so what happend, one day I was sitting at my desk in the office and my colleague comes to check something by my computer and she turns and asks me " Do you have a boyfriend" (yes she is in one .. so u know they love to display their ebulience and overjoy..i digress forgive me) to which I answered.. " no" She had this shocked look on her face like i just poured hot sticky 'amala' on her face.
Colleague: You are joking right
Me: No, do i look like a clown to you ( at this point i was getting ready to say.. ermm oya come and be going ooo)
Colleague: Erm but you have someone that is chasing you now *snorty laughter follow*
Me: ** with the straightest of experessions so i dont get another ' you are joking'*** No i dont have anyone "chasing" me.
Thinking she would know to drop it... ah.. I was wrong she proceeded with another aghast ( for lack of a better way to describe it) look..
Colleague: WHY?????

At this point I had to make a mental note to rant .. but I did not. I smiled and I said, well i dont know why?? and I changed the topic.

Incident 2.
I went to my friend's house and I saw her sister.. also my friend. ( recently 'acquired' a boyfriend as I have been given to the impression that there is a store where these things are picked up and I am simply refusing to navigate myself and SJ there to grab a copy). So my friend's sister, lets call her TY proceeds to regale me on the 'beautifulness'( for lack of a better word) of the world since she met her man. Yes let me quickly give you a quick background into YT.. abi na TY i wan call am sef.. ehen!
TY and I are about the same age and both manless( at some point ) anyway, so now life is all pink and yellow ooo since the advent of this boy. I really dont mind your happiness.. really I dont ( maybe if i say really many times you will believe me right) but what i mind is you letting me not get a word in edgewise about any other thing.. I mean we were watching Phoebe and Joey fool around and everything they did brought up how Mr. Sunshine was this and that. It took all my strenght not to grab a bucket to puke in.
Really I'm not hating but if you are happy..we don hear na.. I mean I knew in the first 45 minues of her speech that the guy was awesome, fabulous, this that.. ok na e don do!!!!! I had to leave earlier than normal, it was that bad, I did not mind sitting in traffic and listening to radio and having 'gala' traders poke their merchandise in my face.
Happy people can be so irritating and insensitive sometimes jare!!

Incident 3
On Saturday I asked my friend who by the way is in an undefined 'relationship' if she would come with me to see my cousin in NYSC Camp oo, to which she willingly agreed. So on sunday morning i send her a text asking if we should go for 8 am services in our respective churches so we can have the day to go to iyana-ipaja, to which she replies..... argghh im so angry just rememebreing it now that I dont think I can even tell you guys her reply. In short she made alternative plans with her man ( and she was not even curteous enough to tell me that I'd been bumped for a man)and she now asked if she could come after all her waka...
Kpshewww.. I was just angry. It made me realise, girls are so undependable when they are in relationships and they want you to cry with them when the men leave them abi??
I was really angry. I know I know i sound like a hater.. but really....why can't I come before the boy.. and guess what they were doing? they were going to goto church together? I mean come oooooonnnnnn( im really screaming as i type this!!!!!) Did you not know you were planning to go to church with your man before agreeing to hang with you lonely ass friend???
Kpshewwww

Anyway.. please no one should come near me and tell me they are happy manwise ooo... because if they do honestly I can say something incredibly rude!!

Ehen, on a totally unrelated note, there's this boy whom i know who was nagging me on saturday on what I planned to do all day to which I replied "nothing" and he said.. "dont u have chores?"
I said "Chores bawo?, what sort of chores"
Man: House chores now, washing your clothes, cleaning your house, washing your car"
Me: No house chores, i clean my house regularly i dont wait for an even, my clothes are at the lanudry, Hart in the office will wash SJ on monday and the dogs have been fed by Tope
Man: Na wa for you oo u no even wan do anything na everything you don pay for

Abeg oo.. someone should help me ask the man if it his money I used to do those things and if he believes it makes me less of a "good woman" to know how to create employment opportunities for people.After all dont people send their agreements my way to review??

kpshewww
yeye people in this annonying world!!

Have a nice week oh jare correct peeps in blogville!

Smoking Joe

So Smoking Joe is the name my office people have given a nice "guy" that has been helping me get to work. This "guy" is a red Mazda 626 ,1986 model. It is a 2-door coupe which has been in my family for years. As in............yearrrrrrrz!So the car was a "house" car and then my sister used it and then finally the baton was passed to me. Smoking Joe ( hereinafter referred to as SJ) does not actually "smoke" but well it just seemed like a fit name for the car.
Every week SJ has an issue i have to deal with, either the clutch plate or the brake, or the kickstarter.... I mean something just has to go wrong with SJ. Sometimes SJ is so ill It has to be on admission. Weeks with the mechanic, and then it comes back with a different illness. SJ is really old, it needs to be put down, but how can I put it down when I have no replacement. I mean, SJ has its uses oo. For instance, sundays, going to church is made possible by SJ, if perhaps i want to hang out with friends, offcourse ill need a ride home afterwards? SJ is there. Ofcourse sometimes I have to park far away 'cos SJ is just so darned ugly. I mean the bumper is being held together by some flimsy wires.
Recently, I bought speakers to make the ride manageable and endurable, seeing as their is no airconditioning and I drive for long stretches at a time. At least some music to bop my head to helps.
So you all know what my christmas wish is right???

If i have to spell it out then maybe you should not be reading my blog ooooo...............


Have a lovely weekend peeps!

Essential Or Accessory

Often i wonder, what does it all mean
To be a part of something true and real
What does it mean to be an integral part of it
I have come to realise that it would not work if im not in it
I am an essential part of it.
Because of me, there is a balance in my home
Because of me, there is a balance in my work place
Because of me, it hasnt fallen to pieces
What does it mean to be an accessory,
I am an enhancer, i am merely an appendage
True, I make the substance more beautiful
But oh well... surely i am not indispensible
Am i the source of the balance? or am i?
Just an accessory to the balance in place.
Will i be missed sorely?
Am i dispensible?
Am i an essential or an accessory.
It is important to realise that u can never be one of these at every material time
To one u may be an essential and to another u may be an accessory
It doesnt make it all bad.. No, it merely emphasizes the diversity in the world.
To each his own.
All that matters is that in whatever role you are playing, be good at it.
A neccessary Essential, a neccesary Accessory

Dichotomy of faith and confidence

On the 13th of October, I was sitting in my office around 8.30pm, waiting for the traffic in lekki to reduce and I got a phone call. One of those phone calls that you keep rememebering and wish never came, you look back and wish you never ever have to receive the sort, ever ever again. My friend called to tell me my cousin was in an accident and he had been taken to the hospital. I asked "Is he alright?" and I was told he was fine. I made the neccesary phone calls to alert my other family members and then I got another phone call.." Er... Ayoola has been in a 'fatal' accident" I grew cold all of a sudden, i mean, when you hear "fatal" right... you know its all over.. My head was spining, why did my friend tell me he was "fine" does he not know the meaning of "fatal"? i mean.."fatal" and "fine" can never be in the same sentence. This was not good at all. I was sick with fear, I was praying speaking in tongues and shaking. I still had to drive from lekki to the hospital in Ikeja where I was told he had been taken to. It was not an easy ride. I am naturally a worry-wart. I had absolutely no idea of what I was going to meet in the hospital, I had no idea whom amongts my family had gotten there and who had not, I had no idea who to call without aggravating any one further. I had only one place to turn to........... GOD. I prayed. I spoke in tongues, I made promises to God, HE must have had a laugh. I was weak, cold and hot at the same time. I could not get to the hospital soon enough.
My cousin is only 23. He is one person in my family that is just absolutely reliable. He's so young and so kind, he has a pure heart, a heart of Gold. He would do ANYTHING for me and I for him.
The morning before the accident, he made fun of me that he was back in his Ikeja office and I had to go to Lekki when he had only to get on a bike to work. He was about to eat "agege bread" before I headed out of the house. The next time I saw him was in the hospital. His head was the size of a soccer ball and he was unconscious. His leg was broken, and a multiple skull fracture.
He was on a bike home and he was hit. The bike rider died immediately. My boy was alive, found by someone who decided to look carefully at the body in the gutter, he was found twitching.
Today is 4 weeks since the accident and he has made a tremendous recovery. God has been faithful.
I had to hang on to God, I was walking in only faith because y'all know what a head injury is right???his head was pretty bashed in.I prayed so hard, I was praying at every thought, I was soliciting prayers left right and center. I was having faith. I held on to God( I still am holding on to God). But then I noticed something happend to me, with every news of improvement I heard or saw, I stopped praying, I did not notice at the time, but I reduced the fervency of my prayers, I started having confidence.
Then one day, my cousin told me she went there and he had started talking but a bit of what he was saying was incoherent.........
I remembered God.
I felt so terrible. I had stopped grasping on to faith, and I had started believing in the medicine of it all. I started beleieving the Doctor's reports and the scans, I forgot that it was the same doctors that told us that.." all you need to do now is to pray".
It was then i realised that there was a big big difference in the approach to these things. Faith according to the Bible is the assurance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.
I had stopped having faith, and I was sorry. I repented of my unbelief and I told God that any confidence I have now, should be in what HE had done and what HE had told me HE was going to do, not the scans, not the x-rays.

This faith business however, is not easy oo.. no, it's a struggle a battle against your own mind. Your mind and education and enlightenment is telling you that someone whose head is bashed in can never regain his full senses, it's telling you he will be a retard, but when God puts a word of comfort in your heart, that just settles it, and you knwo the kick of it, God sometimes shows you HE means what he says, he shows you that when you go to hospital again, Ayoola knows "Nathan Petrelli" and knows that "Victor Esan" was his classmate in Airforce Secondary School.
So I'm not going to worry any more, because I'm holding on in faith,I am going to hold on to God's promises, I remain hopeful that Ayoola will walk out of the hospital, of sound mind and body, I have faith that this healing will be complete. I have faith that God will make me a better person, hopeful that each day, I shall learn something new from life's experiences, new things that would remind me on the need to be totally and utterly dependent on God.

I'm going to put confidence in self to the backseat, and I am going to walk in faith and not by sight!

Have a good week people and have faith, it may be hard, but it will keep a spring in your step!

Crush

He walks by and i feel the chills to the tip of my toes
Barely sparing me a glance
What's that fragrance he wears? who knows?
Is it made in France?
Why do i feel him always so close?
Or is it just me in a trance
My heart feels like its choking me
The magnitude of what I'm feeling
is almost incomprehensible
Even to me,
Surely there has to be some meaning to this feeling
Its unreciprocated, Its incomprehensible
Yet it refuses to free me of its grasp
Im walking around with thoughts that someday,
he will just turn around and see me
I walk around in this maze,refusing to see the truth
Im almost invisible to him, yet i hold on
In my sane moments of course,
I realise that it leads to no where
But i refuse to acknowlege that he is not the one for me
Maybe, just maybe I'll out grow it
Maybe I'll out grow him
Maybe I'll just look back and laugh
But now........ all i am is enchanted,
by this crush of mine


170708

I'm not marrying you because...

I'm not marrying you because
i'm 28 and I happen to be single.
not because fear makes me tingle
Not for the need to discuss

I'm not marrying you because
i want to have a larger family
not because it sucks to sleep alone
Definately not because, i need to share

I'm marrying you because
it just feels so right
You are such a delight
Not one to fuss
You love me as i love you
and that is why
I am marrying you
till i die

Mama Ogadi

I used to make one kick ass 'ghana weaving' braids with one girl called Ify. Ify's braids were soo good that you could tell if a person had just left Ify's place I mean she had a signature way she "carried her hand" and so the weave just looked marevelous! anyway so because Ify was soo good and she was the only one who made the hair, you had to get there really early as in like 6 am.. to 'book' a number.. she never did pre-booking. So I would always like to be "number 1" so I'd get the best of Ify's morning charm and I'd get to Ify's shop at 5.30 (yes.. i know too early abi.. ehn ... I like my hair being on point when I make it)

So ify's shop is infront of a house that has like 4 flats in it. One of the families that live in the house is Mama Ogadi's family!

When u arrive at 5.30 am to the house, Mama Ogadi ( hereinafter referred to as M'Ogadi as is pronounced) would be already up and about.. she would be pouring water into the gutter in front of the house... then she would go outside the gate and light a fire with which she would boil water for her family to wash up when they wake up! M'Ogadi had 5 girls... five girls with age difference of not more than a year between them. M'Ogadi's mother-in law lived in that house too. She sells fried fish in front of the house. P'Ogadi has 2 brothers and 1 sister living with him!
So i would sit there, waiting for my hair dresser to come I would see people oozing out of this really tiny flat. I wondered.."dear God.. Where did they all sleep"?
Out of that tiny flat came 6 adults and 5 children. P'Ogadi was a 'cabu cabu' driver ( not a taxi oo, and not a cab.. mba no.. a 'cabu cabu' is those really battered cars that park at the garage and wait for each of you to enter.. so 7 of you would pile into a Peugeot station wagon.. yes.. that is a '
'cabu cabu') So P'Ogadi is a 'cabu cabu ' driver.. I know Grandm'Ogadi sells fish.. M'Ogadi says good bye to us here makes around 8 am . I was not quite sure what she did but Ify told me many years later than M'Ogadi was a school teacher. P'Ogadi's sister didnt really do much, she would sit infront of the flat with a mirror , all day pinching the pimples(acne) on her face and brushing her hair.. in my mind I would think, these ones are on stand bye to kick M'Ogadi out of her house if this pregnancy she is carrying is another girl.. ( oh I forgot to mention M'Ogadi was pregnant!!!)
The brothers -in-law.. what do they do?? who knows.. but at least they go out and dont come back until late.. ( yes sometimes I dont get number 1 position and have to go and come back, my hair doesnt get finished till 8pm)

The other day I was thinking of M'Ogadi and I was sad.M'Ogadi had a permanent hard look on her face, her face was weary all the time.M'Ogadi is the Nigerian Woman personified.
There are so many women out there, suffering in this country. Women who have to work really hard, I mean extra hard, physical labour just to feed their family. The Nigerian system of having extended family does not help either. M'Ogadi has to feed her 5 daughters, she has to send them to school and then when she comes back, she has to make dinner for her kids and those agbayas that live in her house.. and her mother-in-law too. She has to endure the derision of being "unable to produce sons" hence the need to "try" again.

I plan to make my hair soon, and I really pray that M'Ogadi has been given a better lease on life. So at least i can see some cheerie faces around me as I await dawn and the beautiful hair Ify's craftmanship is going to weave on my head.

A slap or two?

About 2 weeks ago, a friend of a friend asked me what it would take me to leave my marriage, I promptly responded.. " If he beats me... i will pack my load kia kia!!" The guy asked me if that was the only thing... i thought deeply.. and sensing it was a trick question I said.. well I dont really know what may come in future.

I've never really thought too deeply about the matter of domestic violence but that question really made me reach into the deep recesses of my mind to think about it.

When I was younger, I lived in a home where the 'daddy' used to hit the 'mommy'. I always felt it was alcohol induced and I felt those quarels were caused by religious differences and I made a mental note.. even then.. in my early teenage years not to marry someone who was wither given to alcohol or was of a different religion from me. I thought...ah these are things that cause problems later on in life o.. I will not do it oo! Some years later, I went to my hometown for a cousin's wedding and my cousins and I went out for drinks, one of my cousins got soo messed up that when he got home he took an axe to his mother... ahh me that I already had fear of alcohol in excess and what it does to otherwise sensible men. So for me it was a double NO NO!


But then I grew up, and i realise that alcohol is not the only inducement for a man to raise his hand and slap me.. some people are just flipping damn crazy!!! I mean... C-R-A-Z-Y!!!!


So i think when he slaps me, I'm packing my load and leaving right???? well not so fast lady.. where are you packing to? "Erm.. back home off course" " Dont I have family?, ee see me see trouble oh? is it untill he kills me before I leave.. ahhh abegi oo" It seems very easily said right? But I dont think it is. I think the hardest part is the feeling of failure, knowing your marriage failed. You could not make it work.
The truth is there are two sides to this thing. Maybe because of our culture and the irritating mix of religiousity therein! There is the school of thought that you have to stay there and make it work , you give it your whole.. after all your mother stayed with your father.. abi do you think this 40years of marriage have not been fraught with their own brand of mishaps.. no my child you will stay with your husband.. you will endure.. u hear? endure my child.. some will even go as far as to say.. ahh where do u want to go with this your little baby? dont u know how the world perceives single girls with babies?( ah please ooo let world come and be receiving head butt for me naa** eye roll***) i digress... so they tell you to suck it in and endure..
There is the school of thought that says.. divorce is a sin and as such.. ermm madam.. if u leave him you are sinning.. oh yess even if he is breaking ur head with a base ball bat and you wear sunglasses to cover your bruises at all hours of the day.. my dear you are still a sinner oh! Ehn because ermmm "divorce is a sin"

Then there is the school of thought that says.. girl.. up and leave the S.O.B oh! do u want him to kill you ( god bless that your friend that is giving you that advice.. if she is single... they will say.. ah see life.. because she no get man she wan make u carry ya load commot from ya husband house) Dont let him kill you before you leave oh.. if he kills you.. your body will not be cold before another woman will move and and please dont gimme that crap about you wanting to stay because of your child or children.. TAKE THEM WITH YOU!!!!
NO WOMAN DESERVES TO BE ASSAULTED. You deserve better than a man who will slap you around oo!

So this brings me back to the main issue... how do you tell that the man will not one day come and slap you? how do u know that this sweet loving boyfriend of yours, who is the perfect boo, whom you cant wait to spend your life with will not one day in a fit of anger throw a hot pressing iron smack in your face?
It scares me you know? 'Cos sometimes its easy to say " you would have been seeing the signs" yes i agree there are some guys that they start their own crase from when you are dating and if u see those signs and you still say ( and please dont give me that BS about you loving him) then maybe.. just maybe you deserve to be beaten but even then gaaaan!! I'm talking about those sweet men that take you on trips, talk you through issues you have at work.. rub your feet when you are tired, stand up to their mom's for you.. yes.. im talking about those men.. those ones that crase just worries them! how will you know and what do u do when he comes with sappy puppy eyes and says... "baby, I'm truly sorry. I love you my heart breaks at the thought that I.. I oladimeji.. could ever put a scar on this porcelain perfect face of yours"

What does one say to that??

If I could

If i could keep you here
I would
If my tears could drown you
it would

I am just so tired
Tired of holding on to you
I try to will you back to me
But it all seems futile

So I'm letting you go
because you are not mine
maybe you were never mine
but my tears still flow

If my will could break you
i'd try
if my love could tame you
it would

Birthing

The head pops out first
then the rest of the body wriggles out
Covered in fluid, red gooey fluid
The skin is rumply looking
Yet we do not see the inadequacies,
We do not see the pain which was wrought upon us
just to bring it forth
Beauty is birthed,
joy soars in our hearts...
The pain all forgotten...
New life is birthed
A new entity
I feel so honoured
That this great person
this life changer
This beautiful, kind hearted soul
has come through me
All of a sudden, life does not seem so bleak
I feel i can do something
I have made a difference to the world.
I have played a part in the new generation.
I am a mother.

Where Do We Go From Here

My dear friend Gbonju sent me an email i sent to her in 2003. as I read the e-mail, I was almost certain I was not the one who wrote it. I think it was my very first attempt at public writing. Off course it never got published and the scenarios i painted in the piece have not changed much.
I hope everyone who reads it will enjoy it and make a change if need be in what ever situation they find themselves.

Enjoy!!!

I'm a Nigerian girl who has seen so many traumas of being a Nigerian and even living in Nigeria.First of all the, ill that befalls me everyday; the way out of my house has been bad for sooo long that we no longer go through that route, the alternative is also a living hell.I dont know when last i had 30 minutes of uninterruped power supply .Then I thought and thought what the cause of all these troubles were, we spend too much time making noise about the government and what they are not doing and what they should do that we take the focus of ourselves.In a bus, you see people getting upset with the bus driver because he's not stopping them at exactly the point they want to stop, irrespective of whether there are a hundred cars behind their bus, or whether they are not at the precise bustop, they'll scream blue murder at the conductor....its terrible.You know, I'm upset about the fact that students have been at home for 5 months!!!!! I know every one talks about this and I dont want to re-flog the issue, but look at it, the thing has dragged on for too long. its almost as if the ASUU members themselves are not sure of the essense of the strike or is there something they are not telling us?5 schools now have pulled out.so is it that those schools have more comapssion on the students than the others or is it that they no longer believe in the cause they were fighting? or is it that they have beeen settled of?????Look at this scenario too, we are all about to board a ferry going to Marina from Wharf okay? and we are just a handful, but what do Nigerians do??? we rush and push each other and get scratched and scraped all to get on one ferry... guess what? the ferry doesn't get filled up before it leaves the dock..Getting to Marina what do we do???? we start rushing off as we see Marina in sight. Do we wait for the ferry to berth???No, we start scrambling off like mad people.An accident happens and then you hear all sorts of comment about Govenrment this and Govenrment that!We have to start by doing the littlest things for ourselves.Like being disciplined, drinking pure water and restraining ourselves from throwing the paper out the window, not throwing our Gala wraps on the road, not complaining that the government waste disposal policies are not well implemented.Look at this sad situation.The setting is a Lagos State health center.There is power outage (not unusual) but the Government has provided the generator, contrary to what people like to believe. There is a man in the engineering department who has been employed to put on the generator as and when needed, okay? He neglects his duty and doesnt come to work , when he does, he waltzs in at 11.30 p.m (he's to resume at 7.00p.m) as if he is perfect order.So when people come in and need health services and there's no power they complain to their friends and loved ones that 'the government' has made no provision for power supply. And that they,therefore, prefer to go to private hospitals.Did you know that the best doctors are employed in Government hospitals? Did youuknow that they are well paid? Better than the average private hospital doctor?.Now in all fairness, the generator man is an everyday person like me who will complain about the ASUU strike and dirt on the streets and bad roads and all that. But is he serving and doing his best in his little corner?? NO!!!. The ambulance driver comes to work as and when he feels the urge to show his face, what happens to ill people that need to be transferred from place to place??Need i speak about the man supposed to issue cards, about the chief matrons and other nurses... its too bitter to remeber 'To Serve our Father land, with Love and strength and Faith' Our kids sing this songs everyday in schools but they dont see good examples of Love and Strength and Faith.I was priviledged to be in Kano when the presidential aspirant Buhari came for campaign, there were truck loads of people, with spears, cutlasses and all sorts of harmfull weapons screaming 'sai mai sallah' i thought to my self, 'isnt this supposed to be a political campaign?' why are we bringing religion into it? why the violence.?? I saw graffittis of President George Bush labelled as an infidel... I was stunned! I thought to myself?? 'Because there's a war between the west and the east is that automatically translated into a war between Christianity and Islam?' I thought to myself ,are these people illetrates or what? they would stop at nothing to kill someone else because we place so much importance on such trivialites such as our religious differences.Where is the love that we are supposed to have for one another?Our we brightening the little corners where we are ?We are Nigerians, we should be the ones to build Nigeria.Then the Government.....hmmm. You know, I was priviledged to be in Abuja a few months ago and you know the place is almost ideal, (at least some areas) you almost forget you are in Nigeria, you set out , plan to get some where in 15 minutes and you are there! maximum extended time, 5 mins. So I figure, how will they know what ills I go through in lagos? they live ideal lives they are comfortable, their bills are paid and coverd by the almighty GOVERNMENT.I drove past the police head quaters i was impressed, I mean ... I am the worlds' greatest cynic and I said "wow", i would like to be a cop if I saw a place like this; and then without allowing that thought to rest I remembered the horrors of 'shandi shandi' in Lagos and the stray bullets and all those.....horrible times, the criminals that go unpunnished and all that and i think.. Nigeria, we hail thee.But do I blame the police men??? no~! how can i expect them to solve cases like Dick Tracey, do they have good data collection facilities? no?? do we have a good terrific forensic? good and intelligient investigators? i mean Investigators, officers of the law? not.....'Men in Black' on the streets oh!You know we love noise making in Nigeria, a little thing and we are blowing our own trumpets. If the police department buys 10 new geeps today you'll see it on newsline, tell me if one of those geeps is going to help book criminals...NEVER!!!!!!!!!I dont want to talk about the siren and the convoys that are used to intimidate normal everyday people.The issue of gun carrying by the police men too is also a fact that gives me shivers.Why must they carry guns on the street.Is it that Nigeria is in a perpetual state of emergency? why the psychological intimidation, why must the 'men in black' carry weapons' why do they need to cock it to frighten, the bus drivers, why will they give the guns the opportunity to " accidentally discharge" ( i hate to use the term "in civilised countries" because it make us sound like animals) In the west, do we see the officers of the law around intimidating the citizens with guns and armoured tanks? only in times of distress and then they apologize to the citizens for the ocurence.I went to Unilag last week and i saw a war tank, it was all i could do to shudder and gasp.... what was going on here? so i realised that in their warped minds this was what the could do to protect themselves from 'rioting , violent students ' abi?Let me tell you another upseting aspect of my trip to Abuja. I had an opportunity to visit the National hospital .I was enthralled, it was beautiful. As I walked down the corridoors of the hospital, i felt my spirit soar at the thought of this edifice being Nigerian, and for the first time in a really long time i felt proud to be a Nigerian even if temporarily.It was like a stream in the midst of a desert for a soujourner (and i did feel like a soujourner just going through the motions of life ). The place was beautiful and VERY standard , nothing haphazardly done.As with everything in Abuja, no expense was spared and for a good cause too, i was pleased. I went home nearly flying cos of the joy. There was hope for my homeland.We had succeeded in doing something good for the benefit of all of us and not just the elite few.As I reached my aunty's house i was bursting with joy, i recounted my experience at the hospital, my joy at seeing the place.The flowers, the scenery, I couldnt contain myself I was given a cold drink and told to sit down.In a soothing voice, as if not to break my excitement my cousin told me "It is not managed by Nigerians,Ronke, The management of the hospital is contracted out to foreigners.".Needless to say i was heartbroken.So, therefore, I came to the conclusion that the hope of breaking out of the darkness was dim.Maybe not in my life time, perhaps in the time of my kids unborn.As I thought about our not doing anything right, I thought about ballette bustop area on apapa oshodi express road, Lagos that was bad for several months which led to horrific traffic. I was traumatised.Anytime i had to go towards Oshodi i got really depressed. A friend of ours missesd his flight to the U.S after spending 4 hours at Ilasa. It was almost hillarious, the next day he went to the airport in the morning and didn't bother going back home.Now the roads been fixed but has anybody thought to ask why that spot always goes bad when the rains come? no! I discovered that the road itself was in the path of a canal and it would always erode.What do i think should be done? simple, make a flyover about that spot.I also thought that since I'm not that much of a genius some brilliant civil engineer must have thought about that so why hasn't it been done? funds??? negligience? no scale of preference on the part of the 'Government'?Or perhaps, there is no brilliant indegenous civil Engineer..... because all our students don't get properly taught. They are rushed through the course outline, given the date of their exam and told to read hard.Of course, the good ones go and read hard, if they are lucky to be on the good side of the lecturer they get good grades. If they are not, they get pasable grades.The bad ones off course don't bother at all with reading and they somehow manage to get out of school with an equalizer 2-2 (2 for school they will take 2).they have some nice uncle somewhere who helps them get a relatively okay job (which makes them better off than their contemporaries at home) The M.D of the company where they are working knows someone somewhere who can help get a contract.They get awarded the contract and then our fresh undegraduate is given the project.. haha his degree is put into use fianlly! Does he know half of what's expected of him???? no!!!does he do a shoddy job??Naturally!Where do we go from here?

Why Not?

Life hands a real hard card to women! It's simply unfair. For everything a woman has she has to work extra hard. Just to prove to the world that she is capable and offcourse to wipe off the tag of " weaker sex" or "fairer sex".Pray tell.. what is that about?

Recently, I have been going through a phase. This is called the "I- want- to - move-out- of -home" phase. So I began my search. I started by getting an agent. Then i was told that no one in Lagos gives accomodation to single ladies.... You can imagine my surprise when a friend of mine went further to say " giving a house to a single lady is only slightly better than giving a house to an Ibo man in Lagos" Ah.. I was shocked!! I had to fib slightly to the agent that my fiancee was on the Rig in portharcourt and while he was there i was in charge of looking for a place for us to stay when we get married in a few months!
Why is it so hard for a woman to live alone? Someone said our culture does not permit it, to them i answered... "errr as a student you live alone is some flat in Abule-oja and no one raises an eyebrow" you live abroad and go to school abroad and you even have male flat mates.. to that i get the response " ehn.. that is abroad now... this is Lagos".
I'm told by some older people that a woman who lives alone is perceived to be an "iya'n dagbe" which literarily translates to "woman lives alone" but the informal meaning is to imply that the lady is one of loose moral standards. Another told me that if I live alone, the potential guy who would want to marry me would believe I am a woman of less than virtous chraracter and as such he will withdraw whatever proposal he has in his gut!. To this school of thought, i am quick with a retort, staying under the umbrella of my father's house does not certify that I am not screwing my bunnies out somewhere or the other and the man should 'carry go' with his proposal oh jare if that is lame enough to keep him from proposing!

Anyway, i digress... So here i am, stuck... living at home all because I am in Nigeria and of course being the hypocrites that we are, we believe that the girl has to stay at home till ...... oh by the way when I ask "so what age will it be alright to move out.. I never seem to get a definite answer, it always ends up being something along the lines of " don't worry, your husband will come and take you away from your father's house"

Truly this position does not sit quite well with me. Trust me, I have absolutely nothing against the holy institution of marriage, but I believe a line must be drawn at the point where Marriage is next to death as options to one leaving the nest. For me, the nest has no longer become a place of nurture and safety. It's like being stuck in a room without a door and even the window in the room does not let air in.. you know the sort?

So my mind just turns and turns and then when it finishes turning, I get very angry. Angry at being stuck being a woman and not being free.. and I live in the 20th Century! Just the thought!

Women are supposed to be chaste and not have sex before marriage, at least that is what I was told when I was growing up. So "good girls" don't get laid, they go through their teenage years feeling guilty for whatever stolen kiss or fondle they have received at one point or the other in their life.

The ones who have gone a step further than a mere fondle would pray fervently that whatever 'rough play' did not break the hymen...... DRATZZZ the bloody thing called a hymen!

Anway, so the lady let's call her (Sisi)... who has not gotten any then gets married to this guy ( hereinafter called Bobo) who by the way has been there and done that...ok let's say he's just had a good enough amount of sex not to ask you " honey.. is it in there??".

So Sisi starts getting laid. Sisi and Bobo are enjoying a good enough sexual life suddenly,Bobo needs " fresh blood" and he stops giving it to Sisi. So once again, Sisi is back to her dry season and only gets it on say complimentary events... maybe an annual cocktail at Bobo's wedding where he gets tipsy enough to notice the gleam in her eye.. or say, it's Sisi's birthday and Bobo is so happy with her that he decides to give her a wet kiss... and then from there something leads to another and then,.. wham bam.. they end up in bed!

So other than the occasional once is 3 months or once in 6 months, Sisi is left hanging. Then for the woman, she goes from a dry spell to a complete desert, aridity in fact and for the man, he goes on as if life was just peachy. Offcourse his speed and virility may have reduced but then, he still gets his freak on. But you wait and see the hue and cry that will rise if Sisi were to step out on her husband, just to get a little something something that she is not getting at home. The world is just unfair.
You are in traffic, and you see a bad driver... you would already hear sniggering comments " i sure sey na woman".

We should be allowed to do whatever we want. Really, after all we are Queens, and this Queen wants to move out, do something with her life before another male dictator Bobo comes to take charge telling her what to do and what not to do.

I'm very cranky and upset, and don't ask me if it's that time of the month, ok well it is actually very hormonal right now and I'm going all feministic in my rant.
Why can I not be allowed to live alone? Tell me....... Why NOT?

Fresh and Real

What I feel
Words can not encapsulate

What I dream,
The eye can not visualise

Where I'd go
Is widely uncharterd

I love you so much
My heart thuds
It's new
It's fresh
It's real

Please be mine!

Fidelity and Marriage

I've always wondered about fidelity in marriage and what the whole hoopla was about. I've been given to understand that fidelity is not something you take for granted when you are married. I've been told by a number of married people that "one does not eat rice continuously.. one needs variety". I found this extremely disturbing, and as one who has not entered the 'holy' institution of marriage, fidelity or lack of it therein is something that gives me a whole lot of concern.
By variety, my married friends mean, they would want to 'be with' other people other than their spouses. Like a guy is married for 2 years, he wants to share his "manly manliness" with other women. Or a woman finds that she is drawn to another hot bod.. like a moth to a flame!
A married man i met recently just told me ..in his attempts to allay my consternation at the idea of a man trying to get 'fresh' with another woman... that as long as a man was doing all he was supposed to do to and for his wife at home, then a woman should not concern herself with where her husband is or what he is doing or what he is upto! Hence, as long as he provided for his wife, was there for her, took her on holiday every now and then and offcourse regularly had sex with her, then she had no cause to concern herself with whether or not he was flirting with some other woman or not. I found this rather disturbing and i must say that hearing those words has given birth to this post.
I'm not married and I have never been married, so I am worried. I am a strong arbiter of one man, one wife. I strongly believe that no one forced you to marry and as such you must respect the sanctity of the institution. However, it is sad that many people do not share this notion with me. I would not be content with having a man who thinks that because he provides for me and bestows me with his name and his sperm he has license to cheat on me.
I've been told by many people that what i term "cheating" is not actually cheating. My definition of cheating..you have a problem and the first person you think of sharing the problem with is not your spouse.. you are cheating. Your heart races when you are talking to this person who is not your significant other... you are cheating, you spend an inordinately long amount of time talking to this person, who IS not you significant other and you keep the material disclosure of this long convo's from your spouse???? YOU ARE A CHEAT! You are kissing, smooching,petting or sleeping with someone other than your spouse? well... you are dongone lost!
There is no justification for cheating and I shudder at the thought of my man cheating on me.. I mean my husband...not just a random boyfriend or the other.. after all I have not taken the vow!

Maybe I'm just myopic and I've not seen anything in this life, but I know I'm not built that way. I bruise easily, as Natasha Bedingfield would say, and I dont know how I'd handle a hurt of such magnitude. A friend told me that with an attitucde like mine, the man would cheat and hide it from me; to that i responded."ignorance is bliss".The guy told me that "everyman cheats.. so deal with it" I was terribly broken that day, it made me think about the whole thing over and over and over again.Seriously, I dont wanna know if my husband is cheating on me. I would not cheat on my husband, and that was how I slept that night

I woke up the following morning wondering how women over the years have survived it, because I know women who have reached the point in their marriages where they say " as long as he does not bring diseases home... he's the one that knows".
Maybe we are not meant to get married, maybe culture and society imposes marriage on us and in our bid to avoid the restraints and confines of marriage we show that we can break the straits and then we go out and have sex with other people.Maybe
Trust is something that is woven deep into the fabric of the marriage institution, when a spouse cheats, something cracks in that fabric and it's very hard to piece it together.
I need some form of reassurance that there are still men out there, who will be faithful yes "FAITHFUL".
Fidelity in marriage should not be overrated. It should be the norm!

Tribute to Emmanuel B

I don’t believe that my “godiya” is gone
I don’t believe that I will dial his number and I will not hear that mischievous laughter
I don’t believe that my trips to Abuja will no longer have the zest Emma gave to them
But this is what I believe;

Emma, You touched my life in so many ways
You gave and gave and kept giving
I believe God wanted you with Him
I am never going to forget you
I hope that someday when I am gone
I will be remembered for good
Because I remember you, Emma, For good, only GOOD
You were a bright and shiny light
This light was snuffed out and short lived
But the memories of the light
And the illumination you gave in the short time will stay
Stay for a very, very long time

This is no mere Eulogy
This is a word of hope
For all who read
Let your light so shine before men
That they may see Christ in You
In all your ways acknowledge HIM
And HE shall direct your path
Live each day as if it was your last,
Have fun, make merry
Touch lives in the most positive of ways
So that at the end of it all
When we go, it would all have made sense

Emma,
I miss you so much,
I thought I would never get over it
I am not sure I have gotten over it,
But God has been faithful to us all
God has been our strength
God has soothed where we hurt
He has calmed when we were anxious
God has been faithful.
Rest darling, because you are safe within the bosom of our LORD Jesus

Dear Butterfly,

be free, be full, be bright

let others your plummage sight

and thus be drawn to the Light

Swarovski

Adeola Taiwo

Love Kills

You love me,
Yet you kill me
You want me
Yet you bruise me

You hold so tight
Its just not right
You see my plight
yet snuff my light

you do not care
I need some air
something so rare
Stuck in your lair

I need to be free
for all to see
my plummage
so full, so bright

Monday Morning

I saw a rainbow this morning and it made me smile. I had been mulling over thoughts of how this week would be in my usual monday morning sobriety and as such something as "little" as a rainbow peeking behind the clouds was enough to gladen my heart.The beginning of the week for me is usually a time of sober contemplation. What to achieve, where to go, who would I run into? what did I have planned... in the course of the week is usually paramount in my mind. Most times I'm looking forward to whatever it is I had pushed from the previous week. Hence, monday mornings have this aura of purpose around them. There is a drive, a solem-ness( is there a word like that??) that sorrounds you on a monday morning.
This drive, comes from sunday night when you have to start picking out what to wear for the week, what is appropriate for what day and what is not! Then you fall into a fitful sleep, not sure you actually want the weekend to end but knowing inevitably that at the crack of dawn you need to get up and go!In Lagos, monday mornings are charaterized with heavi-er traffic than normal. There is usually the traffic jam of rush hour on every other day but monday morning just crowns it.It's even worse on days when it has rained through out the weekend and you have to swim through the puddles in the roads. The deep craters on the highways make it more diffcult for motorists to move smoothly.So, your week actually begins with you muttering on the failures of the government and the frustrations of living within a system where nothing works. Maybe for some people, it does not happen that way, but for me... my monday mornings are usually dreary!! I have to make a conscious effort to find something, anything, to make me chirpy, so when I see a little end of a rainbow, peeking from behind the clouds, it makes me smile. I rememeber that God is up there looking at me and saying, " dont worry sweetness, I AM here ALL the time, and I make all things beautiful. Even dreary mondays!!!"

At Rephidim

There is a Bible story that gets me every time I hear it and it goes thus: So some time many many years ago when the children of Isreal went to battle with the Amalekites ( forgive my need to give a background story)...anyway so the battle/war went on and on and the God says to Moses to hold out the staff in his arms and as long as he does that, the Isrealites will prevail. Now if you ask me, that's a tricky one because I'm thinking, Wow.. his arms will hurt but then Aaron is standing by, so they come up with this brilliant plan that Aaron holds up Moses's hands through out the time. and offcourse... God's promise comes to pass, so the Isrealites win... YAY!!!! You think right?? good! So let's look at all the glory and fame Moses would have gotten. Let's try and imagine some praise singers and all that giving glory to God and also saying a big big thank you to Moses for his stamina and the strength in his muscles. Right!!!

12 Moses’ arms soon became so tired he could no longer hold them up. So Aaron and Hur found a stone for him to sit on. Then they stood on each side of Moses, holding up his hands. So his hands held steady until sunset. 13 As a result, Joshua overwhelmed the army of Amalek in battle.

Every succesful leader in this world has an Aaron somewhere, supporting him and encouraging him, helping him/ her to maximise their potential.

I believe the real heroes in this story are Hur and Aaron. They are like the pillar the support needed.

Every human being is frail and as such needs another to go on. No one can claim to be all knowing and can do all. No matter how much of a star you are, you will at one point in time or the other need some support and it is this support that is the crux of my blog.

We need each other.
Many atimes we feel we are being relegated top the side, maybe at our jobs or in our homes or even among peers which we feel shoul not be so. Maybe it's one of those situations where you feel you have not really done much but mop the brow of another person or get another person a glass of water, but you see, it's those little things that make the big picture

Without you, there would be no real success. I'm sure many rememeber how Moses was able to prevail at Rephidim but would he in his human frailty been able to do it without Aaron??
So if sometimes you feel you are not recognized sufficiently for what you do? if you dont see yourself as a major player? always remember that without your support the team would not be complete.

Don't feel bad...you are perfectly positioned.Just like Aaron was, at Rephidim.

Red

Something happens to me whenever I have a glass of red wine in my hand, I can not exactly place a finger to it and I can not aptly describe the feeling but it can best be described as " happiness" I hold on firmly to the stem as i swirl the contents in the glass, musing on life and on events around me. I have a clearer picture of things when I am in this mood, and like i said, i feel Happy!
But what does happiness entail really? happiness is something that eludes most of us as human beings. This is mainly because human beings by nature are not content with one thing and as such we end up chasing so many things at once (dreams) and never really getting the much elusive happiness... well except when you are slightly intoxicated like me.
The glass of red means alot to me, it calms me down, say for instance when I am nervous, i find some form of comfort.When I'm also too happy, I help myself to a glass, or two, depending on the happiness on a scale of 1 to 10. I guess this is how alcoholics feel in the early days, how they justify the need to slosh... or then,maybe not.!
I rememeber saving a bottle for celebrating the end of my Bar finals and I had kept the bottle for almost 6 months, with a plan to open and drink it all up with a friend of mine. Alas, on the last day of the exam while I was in the room waiting for my friend to come, she was somewhere so far away enjoying the bonfire night the student council had organised. So while waiting for her to return i started with the first glass, slipping as slowly as possible so that she could meet me at it. 3 hours later and there was no Boma, and the bottle was empty. I had finished a whole bottle of Red on my own. Ahh... even me i surprised myself! I ended up falling into deep deep sleep. Partly caused by the alcohol and partly because I had been sleep deprived for months, I had been running on auto pilot for months and I felt I needed to unwind.
But, I woke up and was terribly sick, gone was the ephemeral feeling of happiness. I had been thrilled and now here I was soaked in my own puke! ( I guess I must have over done it that day, or maybe I have a really low threshold for alcohol consumption) but my point is this, I took solace in something and I overdid it and the end result was not good at all.
Many times we have things which we turn to for comfort, something that takes us to our happy place, but then we end up over-doing it and we get the exact opposite of happiness.
So maybe moderation IS the key because, totally depending one one thing, one person, or one place as the source of your happiness will definately bring you unhappiness. (Ofcourse you all know God is the exception to this postulation of mine dont you?)
So I'm thinking, all this talk of red wine is leaving me with a craving... Cant wait to have my next glass off course in moderation, because I have learnt my lesson!

Law & Order

Yesterday was a public holiday and the streets of Lagos seem to have a sense of sanity. The roads were free of its usual traffic jam and it looked peaceful. Looking from the 9th floor of a building where I went to work, it seemed almost surreal. Falomo round-about looked really sane, like a place where "law & order" was in place. I wonder sometimes if those two words mean anything to the average Lagosian ( those who live and work in Lagos). I've come to conclude that it doesn't and this is very saddening. It is especially so because now attempts are being made to bring some sanity in to the system, but Lagosian's doggedly kick against "order", its amazing. You walk into a bank where there should be a queue and you see like 6 people huddled in front of the counter stretching out their hands with their cheques and passbooks and all to the cashier and one just wonders how the lady/man is supposed to grow extra hands to collect from all the customers. What we dont seem to realise is that if everyone stays on the queue , everyone will be attended to.
Look for instance the people that drive against traffic a.k.a One-way, they run away from their own muddled-up side of the road and end up muddling up the other side. The police and the all other men-in-arms are even "guiltiest" of this. I sit on my side of the road wondering, when this madness would end, offcourse brought out of my reverie by the honking of a motorbike (okada) beside me.
I approach the red light and I see Lagosians flout every form of law and order there is. Last week thursday when I got off work,i plugged my handsfree into my phone, strapped my self into the seat and gunned the engine. The ride was a rather smooth one without the usual craziness of traffic on Ozumba Mbadiwe Street.As i approached an intersection, I slowed down at the traffic light, and waited for it to give me the Go! I turned left on my cue and next thing i knew, a commercial bus ran smack into me. For a second I had an out-of-body experience. You know one of those where you are seeing the unfolding events like you are actually not there. The guy ran the red light and there it was, an "accident" which resulted from disobeying simple traffic rules,no one takes cognizance of the fact that traffic lights are installed for the safety of the fellow road user.So, the guy incurrs the debt of fixing the car and I get the inconvenience of not having a car for over a week.
Sometimes when we refuse to follow rules, we end up causing more harm than good, not only to ourselves but to others too.
When the traffic management officials are not there, chaos rules supreme. Sanity and flies right out the window and road users become maniacs, each trying to push his way through like the rest of you have come to the road to stay put.
Take trash for instance, people toss trash out of windows like there is some invisble waste bin there just waiting top take it in, dropping plastic bags on the floor and ...wait for it.. wait for it.... digging through the deep crevices of ur throat to spit out the thickest possible phlegm you can find and ..'splat'.. on the side of the road!!! ARRRGHHHHH it just makes me cringe.

Rules, law, orders, those things are handed down to us by others for effective running of society, so why do we not follow laid down rules? ( and I say 'we' because I too am prone to disorderliness every now and then) I do not believe that we should rightly hold the totem of " rules are meant to be broken" like it's life support, rather we should all strive to do our bit, in making things work.
So next time you are on a queue, hold out till it gets to your turn, and dont shout at the cashier, or throw trash on the road. Let's make our society a better place to live in and for our children to grow up in.

My Dear One

A beautiful Journey
A life to be spent
Holding your hand
Taking it slow
Knowing that,
however, whichever, whenever
You will be there

Every step, loving
Every day trusting
that no matter what
You will be there
and I will, too
That thought is enough
For us to make it through
This step taken today
by me and you

I love you now
I love u forever
I love you still
My exquisitely beautiful Bride
my gem in the rough

My unique pearl
Priceless.
That is who you are.
That is what I am honored to have.
Thank you for having me
my dear one,
Rare, Soft and Unique

Letting go

I hold on to my anger
I want it to fester
I hold on for it is all I know
For ye though
I miss you so
I refuse to let go
Letting go will mean forgiving
Forgiving will mean admitting
That though I’m hurt
I may also have hurt
But I miss you so
And I love you so
And I am sorry...
So sorry!

Good measure, pressed down...

You are taught very early in life that it is more blessed to give than to receive. You are told further that God loves a cheerful giver, that when you give it will come back to you. You are then told that when you give you get in return "good measure, pressed down and running over"
I have mulled over this thought over and over and I find that I am not quite sure of what to make of what has been handed to me over the years.
How is it that when I take out of what i have in my resources, then some multiplier effect comes into play and increases what i have left!!! plus while i am depleting these resources of mine, i am supposed to do it cheerfully?? it doesn't make any logical sense!!!
It leads me to try and unravel the issues;what is 'logical' and the full extent of this 'multiplier effect'
But it seems in matters of "faith" there is no logic or reason to be understood.. you just step out in the understanding that you are doing what you are doing free from any encumberant thoughts.

So why do we give?

I beleive we give primarily because we have to give, for it is a well known dictum that a man can not give what he does not have. We give because we are willing to sacrifice, we look deep within ourselves and say No to ourselves and Yes to the person we are about to bestow whatever it is we want to give. We give because we love, because love makes us do things we normally would not do. We give sometimes in anticipation that we would get back. We give sometimes because we have no other choice.

Whatever the reason we find that we give.. and I think that is enough because giving, for whatever reason is not a very easy feat. It takes a strong person to give.

It speaks of character, whatever kind of character ( for those who do it for not so positive reasons). It speaks volumes about you, because giving is an art.

We give various things,tangible and intangible objects. We sometimes give of ourselves and that to me is the greatest gift of all.
To give you... says "all I am and all i ever wanna be, Here, take it"!
Giving does have that multiplier effect, it makes you feel good, it shows you what kind of person you are and it tells you that you can be better than you are. You have given something that has put a smile on another person's face, lifted a burden and wiped a tear.
By your giving you have touched a life.
My conclusion, a giver is a gem... a rare one, because giving is beautiful.

Tick Tick Tick

Have you ever stopped to watch a ticking clock? it just goes on and on and on and doesn't stop! That is what happens when we are born, we just keep living till we die. It is what we do in the time that we are alive that matters.
I have always wanted to know how to play a musical instrument, nothing fancy, I guess the Piano or the Organ would have done quite nicely, but I never got around to learning. In primary school I learnt the notes "EGBDF" Every Good Boy Deserves Favour... I knew they were notes, but I never knew how to combine them to make beautiful sound.
Last night I went to see a concert, GF Handel's Messiah and a performance of his Passion of the Christ. It was simply beautiful. I was lost in the beauty of the music and the combination of the violins, Cello and Double bass was simply indescribable. I was there with my first love, MUSIC and I could not stop wishing I could be part of the whole thing. I wanted to feel the keys of the piano as i produced that lovely sound. I wished my fingers were plucking away at the strings of the violin, I wished that I stretched my chords to the heavens and released that beautiful music.
That was as far as I could go with the wishing because i knew that there was something I could do more than wish... I could learn.
So thinking, what are those things I should learn how to do, things that would give satisfaction... this is not exactly like a "bucket list" this is a reflection on the things I should learn to do while I have time.
Time just has this annonying way of flying.You wake up one morning and you are 30 and the last time you checked you were solving sums in Lacombes... It is truly creepy.
The most important thing is this, "do whatever you can do while you are young and you have time, for when your fingers are all old and knobbled to may no longer be able to plunk the strings of a guitar.
For now, I'm going to register in a class where I can learn Music, A voice training class, a diploma in music, something! Something to make me feel I did something worthwhile in my time here, so that when the clock stops ticking, I can smile and rememeber the notes that made up the ticking clock!
Tick tick tick...

One of the beautiful things to appreciate in life is dawn. As i lie here on the parade ground ( this was written originally around 4 am on the 18th of march 2009) it is dark and the only thing I can see in the expanse of the sky is the moon.
The shape of the moon is more half moon than crescent. The highlight of the crescent is truly beautiful. It strikes me as a half slice of pizza, tempting and inviting you to reach out to it!
The canopy of the sky is littered with stars, shiny dusty speckles up there.
As the dawn breaks into daylight the stars slowly fade out, I am saddend to see them go but I notice I am able to see clearer, the outline of the man infront of me is more visible. I feel a tug in my heart as the darkness fades away and the light takes it place. The moon is still there as it has not given way to the sun.
I lie back wondering when the sun shall graces us with it's glorious prescence.
The sky is now bluish gray with smattering touches of pink. The gray highlights are from the clouds as they gracefully enter this stage. This canopy of light, colour and beauty.
I'm trully awed by the awesome power of God.
It is now 7 a.m and my Pizza slice moon is still visible, but here comes the most beautiful thing of all time... as the slice slowly fades awat it is looking more like a crescent and it is right there on the left side of my canopy of nature. On the right hand is a great ball of light. It is Orange and it is bright. It is slowly climbing up to take it's place. In it's full glory, the sun is rising.
I do not believe I can fully describe in mere words what I am seeing and experiencing.
As i watch in amazement,I see a juxtapositon between nature and man-made. I see the sunlight peeking from behind a tree, but then i see a power pole right beside the tree. The cables all strung across from pole to pole and then this bright light overshadowing it all. The light of the sun effusing really brightly behind the tree and the pole.
I couldn't have asked for a better way to start my day!

These things we do

Being single evokes a lot of feelings in me. This is partly because a lot of times I am thinking about how to get married, when to get married, why am I not even married!!! blah blah bla... and so the thoughts go on! Then somewhere along the line I ask myself, " So when you are married gaan sef, what do u now want to do" then I reply myself and say " then I can start my life"
But the truth is not a lot of women who get married have the desired effect they hope marriage will give, not a lot of women actually "start" their life in that sense and this is because women marry for various reasons.

Some marry to escape the pressures of their father's houses and end up finding out that men are the same everywhere, whether they are your parents or they are your husband! They are just "lords" in their own homes.
I have heard scary tales of men that beat their wives,men who are downright lazy and have just no ambition that you have to keep carrying them along, men that leave their wives for no reason, men who get drunk consistently, men who have absolutely no regard for their spouses!!!
Ah these men are everywhere, their ages range from 25 to 75..Yes!!! they are everywhere!!
I dont know the specie of men i fear the most; the one that has no ambition, or the one that has too much of it and will try to push me farther than I can go.
Then I stop and think, there are those women who get married because they are getting old.. yes I said the dreaded word " OLD" and they just need companionship. They envision a man growing old with them and holding their hand as they walk through the sands of time. But pray tell, what is companionship with a man who will never stay at home, or when he is home he drives you to your wits end!!!! Will it not be better if you were alone?
What about men that will not help around the house? they are the ones who cry the loudest that they want you to give them children and they are the ones who do not lift a finger in the work that comes with raising children??
Why do we do these things?
I know of a man who has refused to learn how to drive. You may think this is not a great issue but it is. It is such a big deal. How on earth will a man not be able to drive his family to places?????It just plain rattles me. There is something about getting behind the wheels and driving, it speaks of taking charge, it speaks of giving direction, it speaks quite loudly of what position the man has chosen to take in the family. He is more comfortable in the passenger's seat while "madam" ferries him and his children across the city.
So what happens when they are at a party and they need their car to be moved, then "madam" gets up to go and move her car out of the way??? It is just so unacceptable in our culture. Do you know what society is going to classify the woman as ? it will be said of her that she has 'used' the head of that man.. meanwhile no one is using any one's head.. the man is just plain lazy and doesn't wanna learn how to drive!!!!!
Please man who does not drive and has refused to learn, don't sit there in the passenger's sit and teach me how to maneuver the car from left to right or my head would just explode!!!!!!
So these things we do, wishing for men, wishing they would marry us, wishing they would stay with us... why do we do them??
Why do we wish for what may invariably shorten our lifespan?
We seek the ever so elusive "few good men" and when we dont find them we settle for the next best thing!
Because for whatever it is worth we need them for there to be balance, ( annonying though it may be) there is something in the touch of a man you loved( or have chosen to love) that makes you forget his inadequacies.Why is this so?
Don't ask me.. i don't claim to have all the answers!

A friend once wrote that she would like to have only sons, because she wants to be responsible for bringing some good men into the world. I laughed when i read it but I realised that in a way, our men are all flawed and it was our duty as mothers and mothers-to-be to bring up nice and decent men. Yes, good, decent,responsible men!

ife!

There is a phenomenon which plagues the world,
It is probably the worlds most favourite one.

It is this strange pulling at ones heart which one feels towards another.

It is so strong it makes men do things they never would have, it makes women weaker than ever.
It generally makes you realise you are actually capable of more things than you actually thought you were.
It is deep, it is strong, when it latches onto you, it doesnt let go.

It is seen in the eyes of a mother, when she looks at a child which was just brought forth
It glistens in the tear we shed for a person so recently departed to the afterlife,
it is felt in the warmth of embrace of a man to the woman he intends to spend the rest of his life with.
It is evident in the face of a woman whose best friend has just helped out of a tight spot.

It is everywhere. Like air, you really cannot do without it

This thing called love,
it brings out beauty in blemish and radiates perfection in imperfections.

Dawn

As I lie awake in the wee hours of the morning I am just grateful to be alive. have played absolutely no part in the process of falling asleep and being able to wake up again.But somehow I am awake. It is definately God!!! I am not one of those people that say "oh .. some higher being up there".. Nope.. It's just God in HIS great AWESOME-NESS. My thoughts slowly drift from the Supreme Being to what lies ahead of me today. The weekend is about to start but the feelings it evokes are not one of relief but the fact that there are so many things to do with so little time to do it... like making my hair for starters. I have been thinking about what to do to my hairlike its some life changing decision. I dont want to stay too long sitting at one salon having the skin of my scalp( is there anything like that??) being twisted and turned into all shapes and things, at the same time... i wanna look nice!!! Go figure... No Pain No Gain .. isnt that what they say? As i type this i am expecting some rush of enlightenment as to what to make but ..inaaa( as the hausa's say) Nothing!!
The next thing that flutters around my head is the kind of despair that awaits me in the NYSC orientation camp. I have prayed it away, I have willed it away, I have cursed it away, thought it away..a nd i am just one step away from writing a petition to the House to have the whole process scrapped but alas, all to no avail. Come tuesday I'll go to Iyana-'paja!!! Argghh!!!
Why does everyone keep saying i'll get used to it like ill get used to lack of civilization. Argghhhh!!! Do they make beasts out of men in those camps?
I try to find a lighter thought... tick tick tick... still scanning for a lighter thought but none seems forthcoming. NYSC has ruined my morning bliss. Maybe I should try and sleep again. Slip back into the cover of oblivious bliss till sunrise, reality, work and its demands.
Yes i guess thats what i'll do. Pray to God for sleep.

The joys of Talk

Sometime in my earlier adult life, I had a BFF!! Yes what some people call best friends foreva a.k.a bestoes! She lived less than 10 mins away from me and we would stay on the phone talking for hours.. yes literarily HOURS!! the part that amzes me the most about it is that somewhere..3 hours into the phone call she would say " do u know what... I'm coming to ur house" and i wonder.. why did we run up all that bill on the phone if we were still going to see that evening or even the very next day! We talked about everything from politics to bad roads to .. yes you guessed ..BOYS!!! ahh the joys of talking about boys and which one we wanted and which one we did NOT want!!! (i digress...)
..but this is what I learnt from that time... Communication is the best thing in any and every relationship! Because there is no way you can know about the other person except you talk about what is going on with the other person.
There is no other way to be better friends, better colleagues, better mentors, better lovers than by communication. Sometimes its easier for both parties to talk for hours because it makes the relationship healthier. Imagine how it would be if all parents were best friends with their kids, do u know there would be little or no family issues?
When was the last time you talked about an issue you have with someone??
It is very healthy you know...
I wish for the times when i can talk with my BFF for hours but i guess i will have too just take what i get with some 5 minutes here or there.
The important thing is....
Talk!!!!!

Tidal Roll

Over and over I find myself sitting around waiting for time to go by and when the time flies i knock myself for not doing things i should have done with that precious time!
But in those moments the thoughts that go through myhead are countless, sometimes they are so jumbled up i can barely piece them together. I think of who i would have been had i not been born to my parents, or perhaps what I would be assuming I did not take some decisions I have taken in the past. Offcourse these thoughts are of absolutely no consequence since I have absolutely no role in changing the past, so why dont i leave them there... in the past where they belong?? I have come to the conclusion that they help me remain conscious of the fact that I am still alive and for some wierd reason I'm really scared of having Alzheimer's when I am older so i guess somewhere in my sub conscious I'm thinking thats like oiling the wheels of my memory.. huh? that doesn't make sense one bit but thats what I think.
So what else do i do during this wheely neely time? I think of love. I think what it would be so staggeringly in love that I would be breathless!! you know, real time actual breathless and I wonder if I would ever feel that way, I guess that stuff is made for only the movies.Somewhere in these mindless maze of mine I am jostled back to reality, real life calls ,work is dropped on my desk and there.. I have to face my work and what i have built all those my decisions up to!!
Some weeks ago I found a photograph that was taken at a career day in my montessori class, apparently because of my extremely chatty nature I was channeled towards the legal direction, decades later i find my self doing exactly that... Legal Practice. Do I find fulfillment in what I do? I have absolutely no idea, but whenever I look at that photo juxtaposed with a photo of me in present time i want to struggle to make it worth it!
Is there a general purpose to life? Maybe over al there is.. we just have to find what it is...Have i found mine? I am not sure I have but ...,but I am sure that give or take a few more hours of wheely needling i would find it.