Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Why Not?

Life hands a real hard card to women! It's simply unfair. For everything a woman has she has to work extra hard. Just to prove to the world that she is capable and offcourse to wipe off the tag of " weaker sex" or "fairer sex".Pray tell.. what is that about?

Recently, I have been going through a phase. This is called the "I- want- to - move-out- of -home" phase. So I began my search. I started by getting an agent. Then i was told that no one in Lagos gives accomodation to single ladies.... You can imagine my surprise when a friend of mine went further to say " giving a house to a single lady is only slightly better than giving a house to an Ibo man in Lagos" Ah.. I was shocked!! I had to fib slightly to the agent that my fiancee was on the Rig in portharcourt and while he was there i was in charge of looking for a place for us to stay when we get married in a few months!
Why is it so hard for a woman to live alone? Someone said our culture does not permit it, to them i answered... "errr as a student you live alone is some flat in Abule-oja and no one raises an eyebrow" you live abroad and go to school abroad and you even have male flat mates.. to that i get the response " ehn.. that is abroad now... this is Lagos".
I'm told by some older people that a woman who lives alone is perceived to be an "iya'n dagbe" which literarily translates to "woman lives alone" but the informal meaning is to imply that the lady is one of loose moral standards. Another told me that if I live alone, the potential guy who would want to marry me would believe I am a woman of less than virtous chraracter and as such he will withdraw whatever proposal he has in his gut!. To this school of thought, i am quick with a retort, staying under the umbrella of my father's house does not certify that I am not screwing my bunnies out somewhere or the other and the man should 'carry go' with his proposal oh jare if that is lame enough to keep him from proposing!

Anyway, i digress... So here i am, stuck... living at home all because I am in Nigeria and of course being the hypocrites that we are, we believe that the girl has to stay at home till ...... oh by the way when I ask "so what age will it be alright to move out.. I never seem to get a definite answer, it always ends up being something along the lines of " don't worry, your husband will come and take you away from your father's house"

Truly this position does not sit quite well with me. Trust me, I have absolutely nothing against the holy institution of marriage, but I believe a line must be drawn at the point where Marriage is next to death as options to one leaving the nest. For me, the nest has no longer become a place of nurture and safety. It's like being stuck in a room without a door and even the window in the room does not let air in.. you know the sort?

So my mind just turns and turns and then when it finishes turning, I get very angry. Angry at being stuck being a woman and not being free.. and I live in the 20th Century! Just the thought!

Women are supposed to be chaste and not have sex before marriage, at least that is what I was told when I was growing up. So "good girls" don't get laid, they go through their teenage years feeling guilty for whatever stolen kiss or fondle they have received at one point or the other in their life.

The ones who have gone a step further than a mere fondle would pray fervently that whatever 'rough play' did not break the hymen...... DRATZZZ the bloody thing called a hymen!

Anway, so the lady let's call her (Sisi)... who has not gotten any then gets married to this guy ( hereinafter called Bobo) who by the way has been there and done that...ok let's say he's just had a good enough amount of sex not to ask you " honey.. is it in there??".

So Sisi starts getting laid. Sisi and Bobo are enjoying a good enough sexual life suddenly,Bobo needs " fresh blood" and he stops giving it to Sisi. So once again, Sisi is back to her dry season and only gets it on say complimentary events... maybe an annual cocktail at Bobo's wedding where he gets tipsy enough to notice the gleam in her eye.. or say, it's Sisi's birthday and Bobo is so happy with her that he decides to give her a wet kiss... and then from there something leads to another and then,.. wham bam.. they end up in bed!

So other than the occasional once is 3 months or once in 6 months, Sisi is left hanging. Then for the woman, she goes from a dry spell to a complete desert, aridity in fact and for the man, he goes on as if life was just peachy. Offcourse his speed and virility may have reduced but then, he still gets his freak on. But you wait and see the hue and cry that will rise if Sisi were to step out on her husband, just to get a little something something that she is not getting at home. The world is just unfair.
You are in traffic, and you see a bad driver... you would already hear sniggering comments " i sure sey na woman".

We should be allowed to do whatever we want. Really, after all we are Queens, and this Queen wants to move out, do something with her life before another male dictator Bobo comes to take charge telling her what to do and what not to do.

I'm very cranky and upset, and don't ask me if it's that time of the month, ok well it is actually very hormonal right now and I'm going all feministic in my rant.
Why can I not be allowed to live alone? Tell me....... Why NOT?


  1. Who says you cant move out?



    Awon da??

  2. lmaoooooo Ronkeeeeeeeeeeeee nice one though, lemme rest n get back 2 u