Tidal Roll

Over and over I find myself sitting around waiting for time to go by and when the time flies i knock myself for not doing things i should have done with that precious time!
But in those moments the thoughts that go through myhead are countless, sometimes they are so jumbled up i can barely piece them together. I think of who i would have been had i not been born to my parents, or perhaps what I would be assuming I did not take some decisions I have taken in the past. Offcourse these thoughts are of absolutely no consequence since I have absolutely no role in changing the past, so why dont i leave them there... in the past where they belong?? I have come to the conclusion that they help me remain conscious of the fact that I am still alive and for some wierd reason I'm really scared of having Alzheimer's when I am older so i guess somewhere in my sub conscious I'm thinking thats like oiling the wheels of my memory.. huh? that doesn't make sense one bit but thats what I think.
So what else do i do during this wheely neely time? I think of love. I think what it would be so staggeringly in love that I would be breathless!! you know, real time actual breathless and I wonder if I would ever feel that way, I guess that stuff is made for only the movies.Somewhere in these mindless maze of mine I am jostled back to reality, real life calls ,work is dropped on my desk and there.. I have to face my work and what i have built all those my decisions up to!!
Some weeks ago I found a photograph that was taken at a career day in my montessori class, apparently because of my extremely chatty nature I was channeled towards the legal direction, decades later i find my self doing exactly that... Legal Practice. Do I find fulfillment in what I do? I have absolutely no idea, but whenever I look at that photo juxtaposed with a photo of me in present time i want to struggle to make it worth it!
Is there a general purpose to life? Maybe over al there is.. we just have to find what it is...Have i found mine? I am not sure I have but ...,but I am sure that give or take a few more hours of wheely needling i would find it.