When people ask...

Ever wondered how easy it is to ask "How are you"? Ever noticed how quick we are to reply "Fine, thank you!" Well, I noticed how flippantly that question is asked. Most of the time the enquirer is no longer interested by the time he's done asking the question. Most of the time you issue your response so you can swiftly move on to the order of the day... whatever it is that you are about in the first place.

I take this question very seriously though. I never ask anyone how they are unless I genuinely wanna know. I usually ask with a bright smile on my face because I really care. I wanna know how you are and how you've been since the last time I saw you. I realise sadly, this is not the case with everyone.

I've been very weepy and teary eyed in the last one week. It's been a very sad time for me.I have a lot of those sad moments, but usually when I get in front of my laptop, I turn on my Modern family or Greys Anatomy and I'm fine. Recently, I've been really teary eyed, as in, it's been more than just being sad. I've been borderline depressed. You see, I'm a very cheery person ( or at least I like to think I am) but like every cheery person, I have my down times. So these tears and stuff, only means this is really a bad time. Let me explain a bit.

You see, I believe if you're single,(manless) then you should have money, like loads of money, or a really fulfilling career. You know, something that you can look back on and say.. that's what I was doing that I didn't have time to settle down. It just occured to me that, I'm on this dreary road to nothingness; no career satisfaction. I haven't found where my talent lies, I'm not rolling in bucket loads of cash and I'm manless?? Like really What The Heck??? When I was in Uni, I wasn't the partying sort, I wasn't the spiro born-again fellowship hopping girl, neither was I the top of my class.. LIKE FRIGGING SERIOUSLY... WHAT THE HECK?? I'm bloodly Jane Average!!!!!!

So you see, I've been mulling this around this my head and it's been bringing me to tears. I'm so unhappy at work, I'm going through the motions, I travel to work everyday, leave at 8p.m get home just in time to have a shower and fall asleep. To crown it all.. I'm manless.. Like What The Hell????? Seriously, if this isn't enough to bring me to tears... well I'm sorry.. my threshold for hurt is very low. I bruise easily, which brings me to what precipitated this blog post.

So I tweeted that I was really sad and it's been really hard to see beyond the tears at see those things I should be grateful for. Then a friend of mine gets on Gtalk and says.. "Why are you sad?" I said "It's really long and complicated I don't wanna talk about it because talking about it depresses me further and I'm in tears. Talking about it would only make me sadder" and then dude just goes on and on about how I should tell him.. then I finally tell him " oh it's about my job, I'm unhappy". Then he types "Dat's why you're crying, iranu(nonsense/trash/rubbish) Se iyen lo wa fa ekun (is that enough to warrant tears?)" I was in shock!!!! You see, if he'd just left me, I'd have been alright, I'd have been calm, I'd have been able to return to normal me, talking about Kanye West's new album and all things beautiful in the world. But in that moment, in that minute, I didn't need to be told I was crying for no just cause.

I know there are people starving in Sudan, I know there are people who've been married for 16 years with no kids, I know there's someone out there who's just lost a kid, I know there's someone out there who's been jobless for 4 years.. I know this. I, however, do not believe this precludes me from being able to weep at a situation which causes me hurt. "Friend", if you knew you didn't really wanna know what was wrong with me WHY DID YOU ASK??? I'm really upset! Usually, I cry, and I'll be fine.

I got back from work last friday and I was in tears. I met my brother in my house, and I just dragged him to the back and cried. I cried for 10minutes, not explaining anything, just crying. He stood there, not judging, not shouting.. "what.what" he was there for me. Then when I finished I told him how miserable I was at work, how I needed something to challenge me. I needed a reason to keep going to work. You see, to someone else, these are 'minor issues' but right now, this right there is my 'major issue'. Please respect me enough to let my major issue be major to me and don't knock me, especially not when I'm down and out and miserable.

When my brother died in March, a lot of people who came to commiserate were more interested in the 'gist' of how the generator exploded. Was he putting fuel in it while it was on? was he using his phone? I'm like..really how insensitive do some people get? When people ask questions, are they really ready for the responses they'll get? or they just ask for 'asking' purposes? It's not compulsory you know

When you ask how a person is doing, please be ready for how they are really doing. Don't ask because you need 'material'. If you are not ready, please don't ask. Just walk on by. Walk on by.

Sadly yours

Eknoreda

What's Cooking??

So I decided to update my blog and after typing the title I figured, what better way to seek inspiration than go down and get some food. So as I type this my good fellows, I'm a well fed legal practitioner... back at her desk and wishing the day would end ALREADY! ** sigh** Oh well, lemme quickly tell you guys something that's been bugging me for a while now. It's cooking.

I'm a very unique individual ( yes me and 10 billion other people in the world you might say?) well I am a very unique girl 'cos I was raised by various people. At different times, but one common thread ran through these different stages... "you must be a good cook, home maker and mother" I learned from my grandma, my mum and Mrs Yusuf. I grew up being taught that as a woman I had to know how to cook (WELL.. no be any how food oh), clean, take care of EVERY need of your children and husband. So, I learned to cook everything we eat in my house. I went to Uni and learnt some more.

Recently, I decided to be more adventurous and learn how to cook meals from other tribes/ cultures in Nigeria. So i decided to start with Ibo food cos I'm partially from the north anyway so i got a pretty decent handle on some soups from the Northern part of Nigeria. You can imagine my excitement when my ibo friends tasted my 'catering practicals' and gave me a nod of accession. I was told I was a natural. The excitement was short lived tho. I wanna tell you two things that doused the flames of my excitement.

1. The realization that knowing how to cook is not as ESSENTIAL I'd been raised to believe, and; 2. The fact that you can make all this 'local' food doesn't necessarily earn you points as a 'good' wife and home maker.

Recently a friend of mine started a relationship of some sort with a guy who lives in Asia. My friend is in her 30's and as such she was excited about this new relationship, with marriage in view. The dude asked her to come over to Singapore for a visit and you can imagine our corporate excitement about the fact that the relationship was 'progressing' towards a proposal and a huge rock :D. I asked her, "What would you be cooking for him when you get there?"

Lemme give you a quick background of my friend and what gave rise to this enquiry of mine. My friend is a very 'hawt', 'fly' chic who is in no way 'domesticated'. She lives in a house with a cook and says that she's had help all her life and as such can not be bothered to get her hands dirty. This is a long way from where I am coming from so you can imagine why I like her, she's a perfect insight to how the other side of the divide is.

She answered me, "cook ke? I am thinking of how to get a wax and how to keep my body bathing suit compliant you are asking me what I'll cook" I was in shock.. In all fairness to her, when she got to Singapore and she asked the guy what he wanted her to make for him, he responded "babes, you are on holiday, please let me treat you" There, in the garbage, she tossed the egusi and dry fish her mama asked her to take along with her after a crash course in cooking egusi the week before her trip.

So I found, there are men who aren't bothered about food. I mean, the fact that you can or cannot cook will not take you a step closer to getting the title "MRS" .

**sigh** Did my mothers lie to me?

The second thing that rocked my firmly rooted beliefs was that the fact that I can make awesome ogbono, fried rice, efo riro, grilled chicken.....( awesome is a very humble way of describing my cooking actually :P) I digress.... :D Anyway, so i found that the fact that I can make 'local' food doesn't neccesarily mean the man is going to be impressed. I'm terribly hurt as I type this.
This is me, a girl who's been brought up in a certain way, I mean we didn't have carbonara, squid in sweet and sour sauce, lamb in garlic sauce in the house. Those were things we had in restaurants when we went for someone's birthday. I'm a yoruba girl for chrissakes, I was born in Lagos and i've lived in Lagos all my life. Mac and Cheese was not served in my house as a regular. yam, Egg, Beans, Rice, Eba, amala, Pounded Yam, Spaghetti and meat balls ( if we wanted to get stylish) These were the things that were served in my house. I was shocked when I read on Twitter that a girl needed to know how to make some of these ' fancy restaurant' stuff as well.

You can imagine my state of mind. I mean, I'm growing up and finding out that being an innate homemaker doesn't guarantee you that a man would choose you over the beautifully clad bikini wearing chic who has absolutely no interest in cooking or home affairs. I'm growing up and finding out that all my 'awesome' catering skills will amount to nothing if I can't whip up squid in sweet and sour sauce.


So guys, what's the deal? what do you guys really want in a wife? I used to believe a guy needed a woman who loved him, supported him, took care of his children, gave him fantastic mind blowing sex, fed him ( belly and ego), wasn't an embarrassment to be seen with and made him feel like the alpha male at all times.


**sigh**

Why was I taught to be all this and I find out that it's still not enough?

What do men really want? Guys, what's really cooking? I need feed back!

Failed State

I started writing this post in September. As I type this, it is 07.38pm, 8th November 2010. yes. I didn't blog at all in October. I am quite lazy like that, but I do appreciate the fact that some of you keep coming back to see what randomness has left my head and is laid bare for the world to see. You know I do this for both of us, you guys, and for my sanity. Sometimes I have so many things I wanna talk about but then I don't have the words. Do you know that feeling? I have recently discovered I do not know how to express myself properly. For a lawyer this is a horrible discovery, thank goodness I do not have to represent any poor person in court. I shudder at the thought of the Judge tossing me out. Let me give you an example, I was trying to explain to my colleague about how NNPC ceded a portion of their rights in certain Oil Mining Leases to a foreign oil company and I kept rolling my hands round and round. I said... "NNPC/ I mean the government, gave a percentage of the.. the .. the thing" She stood there with a blank look on her face. What I wanted to say was "NNPC made company X a co-venturer in the Joint Venture" The words "Joint Venture" eluded me for several minutes. It's sad though. I have decided however, that I need to slow down when
speaking to avoid looking like a bumbling idiot in the work place. I mean, what's the point of knowing what I know and not being able to express myself. Surely I'm no more than he who has no idea. At least his own mouth is closed!

**sigh**

Ok I've told you guys what I've recently discovered about myself. Let me tell you what I originally wanted to tell you in September.. or was it August?

Ok so NEPA (PHCN) Power generating and distribution company in Nigeria. I think that description is a failed one though, because they are neither generating nor distributing any power... Anyway, I digress, So NEPA went on STRIKE!! Yes, delayed I know but really how does a company like NEPA go on strike? Only in Nigeria. I don't think our leaders know how much of a failed nation we are without constant power.
I just got back from holiday somewhere in the North east of England; and as with everytime I'm out of the country, the joy of knowing that there would be no sudden power cut (barring all unforeseen circumstance). So i dashed down to Tesco one beautiful morning to grab muffins, a pack of 4 muffins cost £1.50 which is approximately N360. In Chocolat Royal, a coffee shop / pattiserrie of some sort in Lagos, one muffin... One muffin is 350 naira. i was about to go off on how I was being ripped off in Lagos. Why was I paying the price of 4 muffins, for 1 muffin? Then I remembered that Chocolat Royal had a huge power generating set which it left on for 20 hours in 24. Businesses provide power for themselves, this pushes up operating costs and in order to break even, they have to push up retail prices.. Hence, the end user is inadvertedly paying for the lacuna in the infrastructural development of this 'great' nation.. It's truly sad.
So Nepa went on strike for about 5 days, and a lot of people said they were blissfully unaware of NEPA's strike because they'd not had power or 'light' for weeks anyway, I was scared. I mean, we usually have light at night. It was a sad situation though, because it further demonstrated the fact that Nigeria is a failed State. What business does NEPA have going on strike????

Issue number2.... Nigeria's 50th Anniversary. Nigerians donned the cloak of patrioticism on the 1st of October. They told themselves they had something to celebrate. 50years of Independence from the British Colonial masters. The city was awash with what a friend of mine calles 'Massive DeyDererism' (Dey Dererism is the act of engaging in 'hand falling' behaviour. Loosely translated to mean self delusion). So my people went about on that day, wearing a touch og green and going about with hearty smiles and ready to slay those of us who didn't quite get in the groove of the 'festivities'. i wasn't the only one who was not quite happy. Apparently, millitants were also unhappy with the splurging in Abuja and decided to ensure they were heard. More than 8 lives were lost in explosions which disrupted the celebrations.
You see, I live in a country where there is truly no hope. I hear some of you already trying to close the page, you think I'm being a pessimist? Ok hold on a minute, think about the young people you see around you now in Nigeria. They are after all the 'future' right? They are the 'hope' which some of you see right?? How many young people are honest & hardworking? How many possess the integrity to stand for what they belive? How many people are willing to engage their brains and not be led by 'false prophets' and not allow themselves to be fed garbage?

I'll continue to urge everyone I know to brighten the corner where they are. Do your bit, don't drive like savages, have a little sense of integrity, be honest and hardworking. Be the change you want to see in Nigeria. It sounds like a cliche I know, but really, this country's problems are not going to go away at the rate we're going. We need a change of mentality.

I think I've made you guys sad enough... Lemme stop here. See you when next I'm able to shake off my block. :)

He'll 'Progam' Dem

How do you write about someone who has a better way with words than you do? I wanna write about a young man who I honestly believe is a lyrical genius. I've written this article over and over... in my head offcourse and even now as I type I'm not sure i can adequately pass the message across. I lack the words to adequately describe this young man whose wit, humour, savvy and sarcasm caught my attention.

His name is Afolabi Durotoye. Some people know him as Beazy, I just think of him as a breath of fresh air in the cloudy world of music lyrics in Nigeria.

I read about Beazy for the first time in February 2010, I started following him on Twitter 'cos I noticed his comebacks were hilarious. I would read a tweet from Beazy and I would either start laughing crazily, or I'd have a goofy smile on my face.At other times, I'd read something so serious and so in your face "I -Don't-Care-What-You-Think-Of-Me" and I'd just go.. 'oh no.. this boy will get beaten because of Twitter ooo' but you see that's the thing about him.. He is a smart young man who's not afraid to speak the truth as it is.. no bullsh*tting!

With three (3) mixtapes released and over two hundred (200) songs recorded under his belt, i think it's safe to say Beazy is a rapper who knows what he has a passion for and is not afraid to make it work. He is consistent and hardworking. Beazy, eats, drinks and lives his music. He is constantly reinventing himself and is not afraid to take criticism. When you listen to something and you are tempted to place him in a box, you hear something else and say.."that's different!!!!"


I've listened to all 3 mixtapes an uncountable number of times and I can tell you, Afolabi's lyrics make a lot of sense and half the time I'm laughing 'cos I can just imagine what may have inspired some of those lyrics. Time and time again I try to tell myself I have a favorite track on each of the mixtapes and i have failed. Why? because on each mixtape, there is something different. Now this is not to say that he is an unfocused guy who lacks clarity in the quality of his work.. no.. this is clearly an evidence of versatility. His lyrics rhyme and make sense, this is not something we have seen too much of in recent times.

I wondered about how this guy was going to successfully break into the music industry in this country.. I mean if you know Nigerian music, you'd agree with me that we are being dished with a whole lot of crap.. words like "ginger, swagger, sanbaribobo, utunu,f,fff.jgkegfh dsam.fw" ( no that last one was not a typo.. that's my way of saying a hot load of crap) . I wondered, how long it would take him to break even, because while we all go to our day jobs and make money...music is a lot harder to convert into money..especially when you are new in the game. you see, the music 'business' is like oil prospecting, you have to invest a lot of money before you strike a commercially productive/ viable well. It's a lot of hard work and the reason why we have a lot of crappy music out there is primarily because a lot of people think that music is a shortcut to success.. I mean.. you flunking at school? No problem go and sing or go and rap!!! I mean, how else can we explain having so much crap out there?

I respect artistes who make sense, because for me, music is not just about the beat and the hype, it must have meaning, inspire or at least make me laugh.. brighten my mood
I believe that not to long from now, Beazy will become a personification of Good Music that comes out of Nigeria. I also believe that he will be smiling to the bank in due course.. because in the words of Oladele "Music na work o, no be joke oh, my pikin go wear clot, den go go school.. so spray me money".

"Beazy can not only hold his own, but is out to get theirs as well" so I will confidently say in that time.. that "I backed the winning horse" He'll 'program' dem

He has a standard bio online what i'd like to call his "Afolabi Durotoye, born in Jos to Akin and Abake Durotoye bio) so if you'd like to read about him just Google Afolabi 'Beazy' Durotoye.

Truly Madly Deeply in Love

I stared into his eyes, and all I could see was the depth of what he felt for me. I reached out to touch his face, the roughness of the day's worth of hair on felt good to touch. Just knowing he was here, and he was mine was enough to make me smile. I leaned into him to kiss him, and just when I thought I could not love him more, he said, "You bring me joy babes". There was a catching in my breath before I planted my lips soundly on his. It was like I drew all the strength I needed from holding him.

We walked to his car, and he opened the door for me, I smiled as I got in.. my boo, ever the curteous man. Unlike most Nigerian men who took you for granted, he always opened the door for me, held out my seat, and hauled all the heavy things. As we drove to my brother's home for Sunday lunch, I turned on the radio.. news of the Hatian Election and Wyclef's attempt to rule the nation flooded our car. I said.. "na wa oh.. Actors and musicians sha believe they can do this governance thing". I threw my hands up in mock exasperation, the love of my life smiled at me and said.."Ronke, u need to think outside the box" He proceeed to explain the intrigues of politics in relation to poverty ridden countries. I stared in marvel at how God could have blessed lil' ol' me with a man so intellectually stimulating and caring enough to break down the nitty gritty of every topic to me. Beside him, I felt I could take on the world. I smiled and gazed out of the window... the sun was bright, the sky was blue and the world just looked good.


****SPLASH OF COLD WATER******


Wake up!!!!!!


Oh guys, did I get ur juices rolling there? aww.. pele.. yours and mine as well! You see I've been wondering how it would feel to be truly madly deeply in love. As I typed the above I kept saying.. "Ah Ronke.. see this dodoyo picture you' re painting" lol .. I've become such a cynic that even picturing myself so 'mumu-ically' in love is hard! lol lol! Offcourse the part where I'm leaning in and kissing the hot intelligient boy doesnt seem so far off.. but all that he gazed into my eyes and he opened the door bit...**shaking my head*** nkn nkn...Even I can't picture it.

So what exactly is wrong with me? Seriously guys.. I want to fall in love before it becomes too late oh! I'm becoming more and more hopeless at these love matters by the day! It seems the only people I'm capable of loving are my family members and my friends....I mean, when will I fall in love with that boy that will make me go "oohh ahh" you know what I mean?


**sigh**

Seriously, I need help! I meet people everyday and I think, yeah nice but I don't just see it happening. I don't imagine that click.. or is that click...only in movies?
The scariest part for me is.. I don't wanna be so jaded, that I start infecting people who are truly in love (choke**)with my Miss Grinch behaviour.. you know? How someone tells me they met this really awesome guy and I go .. "ehn.. does he have a job? I hope he's not with u because u have a blue passpoprt oh, ah.. " why can't I just let people in love be? I mean, I don't actually say it to them .. but I *yimu* ( I don't know what yimu is in English.. ok maybe it means shrug.. ok not shrug..shrug is done with your shoulders... yimu is done with ur nose, you know that thing you do when you twitch ur nose? ehen..)

I wanna fall in love soon.. with a boy/man/guy off course! and I wanna do it soon!

But said man must be intellectually stimulating oh! abeg.. oh and did I mention he must be HAWT as well? see I'm not asking for too much, you see.
I have not gone on and on about wealth, house, car.. Just be smart.. funny and goodlooking.. those three things will oil the wheels of this my falling in love business!

So, dude.. do quick and come.. let's make that my fantasy/dream a reality?
ok?

Have a good week people!

Bar Finals 170808

My soul is awash
The flood of reality covers me
Im drowning at the thought of being swamped by all this work

In my sleep, the magnitude of it all plagues me,
turbulence in my dreams because of what i left behind in my wakeful world
I see Procedures at night, Rules during the day,
Laws at noon and Orders at dusk

It feels like the only thing i live for
Seven days of fighting a battle which the Sovereign has told me I've won
Yet, the war must be fought and i must be named Victor

This war, this battle, this albatross
It is called THE BAR FINALS
And i am Victoria
The queen of excellence


The title is self explanatory

Broke 180708

I feel as though im such a burden
I have to depend on someone else for sustainance
Every quirk gets to me
Is it because they feed me,
Is it because i lack the freedom to pick and choose
Or am i just being hormonal?
Do these little things not mean the things i think they mean?

Im so depressed, I just dont want to do anything
But i can write
I take solace in the keyboard
I can speak about my feelings and not be reproached.
I can express freely the fact that i hate the fact that i am broke
without sounding like a nag

The weightlessness of my wallet is really getting to me,
The burden of the thought is much more than i can bear
It's making me rememeber things i should ordniarily discountenance
If i were not broke, I would have gone the whole nine yards for her
Is it because things are this way that i have to wait till he is ready?

If i can only get to the cash dispenser,
If i can get a whiff of crisp notes
I'm sure it would go a long way in helping my disposition
Because this state of things is not the way things should be
Broke Broken Brokenness....
Im going to get through this, I know i will
I know i must


I wrote this in Law school as well... I was extremely broke... no cash, no expectation of cash from anywhere. But I had awesome friends... they fed me, the encouraged me, they got me through. So here goes... another blast from the past.

Heartstrings 03.08.08

My Breasts hurt from the need to be suckled
I am in so much pain from inside
it's hard to distinguish which hurts more
The fact that we are not together
or the fact that we have to be apart
I yearn for when we will be together
My dear Son
My child
The product of my womb
The strings of my heart,
not tugging, but yanking real hard
Im hurting so badly
I need u to be nestled in my arms
I need to know that you are safe
The time we have spent together
So short, so valuable, so cherished
It seems like all i can think of is when i can be with u
When will i hold u in my arms my beloved son
I need u, because being away from u hurts
the lacerations i have physically
they are numb compared to the pain i feel inside
Can i shout, Can i scream?
From the injustice of it all
Why do i have to be torn away from my Son
Who was there when i carried him
longer than term, the time shared
The comfort of knowing u were safe within me
If i could I would...
Keep u safe, Safe my love
Safe from the world
Safe from those who tear us apart now

I wrote this in 2008, my friend had just had a baby and had to come to come write her Bar finals. Her husband and her sisters-in-law did not allow her bring her baby! She was extremely miserable and she cried all the time. I felt the burden to write.. and that's what I did... I wrote!

Circle Of Life

Good people, I want to blog. Seriously, I need to write. I feel deprived. My fingers feel betrayed. I have refused to do something I totally enjoy doing... writing.
I have had a lot of "profound moments" lost 'cos i was not near my computer or sometimes, I wanna whine but I'm just so engrossed in the weight of my feelings that I can't seem to find my blog mojo. However, as I started typing this today, I have nothing in particular I wanna write about, but you see i've found that all I need to do is start typing, it'll come to me. I hope it comes soon oh, before i bore y'all!

I became an aunty AGAIN on friday.. Well Friday in Los Angeles, actually 1 am Saturday in Lagos. I'm pretty excited actually, cos this is my first niece. Well my first biological niece 'cos i call my cousin's daughter my niece too)...So she's kinda special. I may not see my niece till October though, 'cos she's in America and may not come to Lagos till September! which seems like eons away right now! You can imagine my excitement. My mum says she looks like my brother, I've seen pictures which show that she looks like a baby.. you know.. all babies look alike to me. I don't really get when people see day-old babies and go.. "oh she looks like her daddy, or she looks like her mummy"... I don't see what they see.. but then I'm short sighted so hey.. blame my poor vision. however, I wanna hold her in my arms, I wanna kiss her, I wanna love her, I wanna hear her cry, I wanna tell her how much I love her.. yes.. i wanna whisper little nothings into her ears... **sigh** I could go on and on really!!So you all get my point shebi? I have a niece, I've not seen her, I wanna love her to pieces, I'm constrained to do same! End of Discussion

This year has been rough for my family oh! In seven months, we have been through hell and back, my brother passed on in March. It rocked us badly.. as in... Seriously. He had this really horrible accident and we were all caught unawares, you know, when you are smooth sailing ans all of a sudden you hit a rock... and bam!!! ur cozy boat capsizes.. it was a shock. You know one of those things life never really prepares you for? I think of my brother EVERY day. I don't cry as much now. The amazing thing about the tragedy that befell us is this, we are so much closer now. It's amazing. It's as if we all got born-AGAIN on the 22nd of March, like we saw ourselves in a whole new light. We however, did not contemplate that we would find this place of love without Sage(that's what we called him). I mean, you should have seen my family before my brother went to meet the Lord, my dad and I were always at lugger heads.. Sage was in a world of his own... thinking we did not like his wife, my mum was always running in circles trying to play mediator between us and her husband.. it was just a war zone... I mean, we loved each other but we all had our pride and our Taiwo sturboness. We were all in a world of our own, but God had his own plans, HE was just looking at us and saying.. see this spoilt people oo.. I have given them all this love, brightness, wealth, comfort.. and see what they are still doing.. fighting and bickering abi? #Slam... tragedy and then more tragedy. It was sad, and it is still a trying period, but we have learnt that we can only do this walk of life with God and with each other. No one has learnt that lesson better than us.

So i go around now preaching the gospel of Love oh.. are u quarelling with anyone? go and make up sharp sharp... are u being sturbon? is your pride standing in the way of love? Let it go mehn..' cos you don't know when life can be cut short.

Love life, listen to good music, appreciate the beautiful things in life, like little babies and family. Look up in the sky and appreciate the darkening clouds, cos after the rains, will definately come the sunshine.

The circle of life... it happens to everyone of us... Life and Death.. happens to us all. It's what we do with it that matters!

Peace Out y'all!!!

** wink**

Money Money Money

Once again, I'm here to try and write my way out of this messy place that is my mind. I think I have a lot of spare time and thus, my mind goes into an overdrive. For instance, I've taken to fantasizing about a veryyy hot and intellectually stimulating young man that i recently met.. as in trust me guys.. the guy is verry HAWT!!! **sigh** there i go digressing again!

So as i was saying, so in the quagmire of my mind, one thing is recurrent in my musings..Money Money Money.. known as 'cheese' , 'cheddah' 'kudi' 'owo' or as they sy in 2010 'Paper'..

Money they say, makes the world go round.The lack or paucity of it however, makes people sad.. well me sha... makes ME sad! When I'm broke i'm like really sad. You'd think something was wrong with me! I find it hard to see the other beautiful things of the world like oh the lovely sky or the beauty of the rainbow or gee how bright the moon is in the sky tonight... nahh not me! When I'm broke I'm sad!
I'd like to be wealthy, (you and me both i can hear you say) but then... what do you do to actually make money?

A friend of mine recently left her lucrative law practice for the 'esteemed' Bench. Unfortunately, the magistrates have been on strike for over three months now and my friend has not been paid. She has slowly been eating into her savings and she's getting to the end of her rope! She sent me a text on monday expressing how miserable she was and what she should do..I was sad, cos I had no way of helping.. What do you say to someone who wants to work but her workforce mates are on strike, thus she doesn't get paid. I could not tell her to get another job 'cos, hey the jobs are not strewn out there on the streets waiting for who'd pick them up now are they? I've been thinking on how to help my friend and then guess what I read online? Tiger Woods's ex wife get's awarded $500m in the suit against her ex husband!!!!!


WHATTT?????



I thought, gee, all we need now is for my friend 'D' to go and marry one wealthy athlete nau....(lol.. forgive my spelling... it's inspired by Twitter)

It's easy to get disgusted at the cheating and promiscuos ways of Tiger ( I'm assuming y'all know what he did right? or was caught doing!!!)But hey... Elin or Erin .. (what's her name??)is making a killing off this fiasco don't you guys think? I mean, I lose a man, (**cough cough** the love of my life) and all of a sudden I feel the insane need to milk him dry? I don't see her crying over the loss of a marriageor a partner.,. I see her smiling to the bank with a whole lot of Paper!!!!!! The lawyers are going to be sooo frigging happy right now, I mean some lawyers in this matter are going to be planning their holidays in grandstyle right now! imagine the percentages..whoa!

Anyway, I'm losing focus... It's all about the money isn't it?

So how do we make money, our parents teach us that it's more honourable to make money through hardwork, diligence and prayer.. but I look around me and I see so much wealth I keep stopping to ask.. 'ahn ahn.. 25 year old, duplex in lekki.. how come?' then i get nudged and told ' his dad is blah blah, so and so..' I'm begining to think my parents were not so truthful to me.. 'cos I see alot of wealth around me and I see soooo much poverty around me as well! and these people that are poor are hardworking oh... they are dilligent in their hardwork and trust me that have faith that can move mountains!! ** sigh** so what is going on?

I really need money, I work hard ( or so i think) , I have a thirst for the finer things of life that just wont go away.. a new car, jewelry that can blind you, a lovely home, and all the glitterati that comes with money na!!

I want I want I want... but in the mean time, since I don't have it. I can go back to fantasizing about HAWT intelligient boy.. NO?


:D YES!!!

The good book also says that the Love of money is the root of money.. ( err... *glancing around to see if no one's watching** but i want me some tho')

Footprints in the Sand

As she sat in the waiting room of Berkelyside Memorial Hospital, the thoughts that flooded her head were bizarre and far from organized. She wondered, pondered and considered why she did not just jump off the sofa and make the fastest dash to her car.
However against her present innate instinct, she tried to steady her shaky hands. Somehow she did not believe that fate could be this cruel to her, not after all she had been through, she did not want to have to deal with medical issues.

Lara Onweagba… at least that is what she had been for the last 3 years of hr life had grown accustomed to pain and suffering, at least the emotional variant of it. The superficial lifestyle of covering it all up beneath a smile and a warm hug here and there had become her strong forte; and even though she was not one who would run away from what she was feeling, she kept it carefully concealed. However, when it became unbearable, when she was alone she would soak herself in the misery of what her life had slowly and sadly become.

She stared at the painting on the wall. It was a landscape of an area in Lagos. The burst of the colors employed depicted the brightness of the artist and she got up to get a closer look at the name of the artist. ‘Graham-Douglas’. It was written in that lazy scrawl of his. Somehow she should have guessed that the use of the rues in that painting were consistent with Luke’s work and the lively way he attended to his subjects that gave the observer an insight into his personality and his emotions at the time of creating the work. Lara looked at the date on the painting, March 2004. That was the month after she had moved back to Nigeria, it was the month after he proposed to her.

For a second there she was translated to another time and another place, where she was happy and bright. A time when everything seemed beautiful and she could swear that the world was a much better place to be than now. She glanced at her watch, her appointment was for 2pm but she had arrived here an hour earlier. The anxiety in her heart did not allow her sit still. She needed to get here and receive the doctor’s verdict on her scans.

___________________________________________________________________________________



Luke slashed away angrily at the canvass, he was working on a mix of dark colors. The picture he was working on had yet to be formed clearly in his mind but he needed to do something to keep him from going insane. Luke always found solace in his work and right He stared blankly at the wall behind the canvass for some odd reason, seeking inspiration from nothingness. He felt like Vladimir from one of those books he had read in his teenage years. “Waiting for Godot”
Caught up in the vortex of what he constantly called his failures he felt lost.

A month ago, his long estranged brother was involved in a freak accident. A freak accident indeed for there was no better word to describe how a generator would explode for no reason after being turned on with no previous history of malfunction. Lance Graham Douglas was at the moment lying in the intensive care unit of Abercrombie Infirmary in Victoria Island. The doctors kept telling Luke to be hopeful even though the prognosis was bad.

All he could think of was the last time he spoke to Lance and the strong and virulent words that had passed between them. Lance could not wrap his head around why his brother left their home in America, where he had his work displayed in every major art gallery in the East Coast. Luke felt it was none of Lance’s business where he chose to run his business after all if Lance could live successfully and happily here in Nigeria so could he.
Luke cursed under his breath “damn u Lance for being a ‘know-it-all’”, because somewhere in his heart he felt that his brother might have been right all along.
Even though they were twins, Lance had always felt responsible for his brother. Luke on the other hand, felt he was his own man and could make his own decisions, Lone Ranger style.
He was not making any progress with what he was working on at the moment anyway. The work looked dark and moody and was not a reflection of who he truly was. Sighing he walked toward the window and then his phone buzzed. He glared at it in anger, not much good news comes through the phone these days.
____________________________________________________________________________________

The woman sitting under the tree in front of her house was a constant nuisance, she had tried and failed to displace her and now was not the time to get into that argument. She left her hand on the buzzer at the gate and hoped to the heavens that Effiong was not off on a frolic of his own. With an upraised fist, about to pound on the fist the gate cracked open. “Welcome madam” She gave him a once over and stumped up the stairs towards the front porch.

“Seun” She yelled as she opened the door to the kitchen. The buzzing in her head increased, almost sensing that she was near food. Unable to decipher if the hunger was from anxiety or from the fact that she had not eaten all day, she opened the fridge and grabbed an apple. Where was everybody? She’d come here thinking she would be able to talk to her daughter before the news broke. With kids and the internet generation, one could not be sure what they heard and from where!

'Yes mommy' Her daughter had a frown on her face but Anke could not really be bothered. Giving her a once over she smiled 'no hugs? I don't get a hug'? Her eight year old daughter was the most adorable creature ever, and even when she was scowling she was just so pretty! Seun huddled across the living room to where her mother was standing and gave her a hug! "Mum, I was working on my notes, my recital is on saturday and i need it to be perfect. Mr Lambert says I need to work on my lines" Anke rolled her eyes and marvelled about the passion with which her daugher spoke about her violin and the school ochestra! "Sweetie, mommy needs to talk to you about something very important,and I need you to sit down ok?"

Cautiously, Seun sat down near her mom, and looked in her face. Dear God, give me strength to do this 'cos You know i don't deserve this angelic child...

Taking in a deep breath, she started telling Seun how they came to live in Abuja. A story that was long over due and had now become extremely neccesary!


(To Be Continued)

Why do we have to get married?

This post was inspired by someone I follow on Twitter.

Recently, my friend 'diagnosed' me of being anti-relationships, anti-marriage , she said it was partly because i was afraid (her words not mine). I guess to an extent I am guilty of taking one side of the marriage story and saying 'mehn, i'm not down for all this ooo'.

I have openly told my friends that a lot of us women get married because they keep saying ' you've finished school.. what is next' You know the way people always asked ' so what Uni are you off to' when they see you at home after Secondary School. So marriage always appears to be the NEXT major thing.If they don't ask you, they ask your parents, your parents subtly ask you ' that guy that keeps coming here nko, is he not saying anything?'A lot of us get married because we just need to move out of our houses, I mean, you are tired of your room, you are tired of your parents shouting 'Aderonkeeeeeee'from downstairs when you just wanna lie in! So what do we do, we clamour for a marriage proposal. We believe that surely we can do better! I asked a lady who came to live in our BQ why she married her husband? and she said ' I had finished school now, what else was left'I was shocked at her reason! You MARRIED a person.. tied yourself to a man because it was the 'NEXT' thing to do? **GASP*** This chic and her boo were living in our BQ, (FOC) dude did not have a place.. and no they were not pregnant..they just felt it was right! I complained to my mum and she said.. there is nothing wrong with it.. "Do u know where ur daddy and I started from?"


I have been making an effort to stop thinking like that, I have started trying to see things positively, I want to believe that marriage is not just a place I want to get in so that I can have uninhibited sex without the fear of the hand of God striking me! and then guess what happens.. I read this on twitter.. I shall copy and paste it here :

"ok here goes... As far as a marriage is concerned, what's really in it for men? i mean, what do women really do in the 21st century marriage? cook? no... there's a cook 4 dat. clean? no... there's a maid 4 dat. provide money? again no! there's me for that. and God forbid that they take care of their own children cuz what then would the nanny do? most of the households i see 2day r like this. it's a damned shame really. dont get me wrong, guys are pricks too. and i guess women have just evolved to match our err... prickiness. lol. basically, with marriage, the rules of engagement have changed. if i was born 50 years ago, then i'd be all for marriage. but now? no tainks cuz now, i'd be marrying an independent woman who depends on me... Go figure. (O_o) that's all folks. like i said earlier, it might not make the most sense but bear with me. :))"

And that is the view of marriage from the lens of one person! I believe a lot of men share that perspective!
So why do people still come around and ask, ' so how far now... mr Right nko?' who is Mr Right and who is this Miss Right they all keep going on about? I said 'who' and not 'where' because I honestly don't believe that person is anywhere on the surface of this earth! The society has evolved, a lot of women work now, and they earn an income, a lot of women are more independent financially but society needs them to be in this box called marriage. I know a lot of women who say why should they go to work and come back and start sweating in the kitchen, or is it after such a stressful day at work that they want to come and start taking care of a whiny baby? or cleaning the house? The money they make can do all that for them NO?

Society is not structured the way it used to be, things and people have evolved...so why can this issue of marriage not evolve?

I however believe that there is a lady somewhere out there ( albeit remotely out there) who is willing to cook, clean, nurse the babies, and not be clingy! I also believe there is a man out there who will not beat me, not take my money and thereafter jack me for sex (my worse fear BTW), know how to drive, be able to raise my kids with me, and will love God (like i said.. he's somewhere out there lol)but in the mean time.... can someone please free the single people from the pressure of marriage?

Please! Let's be allowed to make the best of our lives without being made to feel like we are missing out on one super duper thing and our lives are incomplete without it.


(p.s I'm the product of a 40 year old marriage so NO I'm not from a dysfunctional home)

Celebrating Our Parents

Today is children's day in Nigeria. I do not know if it is a worldwide celebration but is and has always been in Nigeria. May 27. Children's day.
It's a day where kids stay at home, or get taken out. A day to celebrate children in general.

Today as my colleague and I drove to work we spoke of parents, and how much they actually give up for their kids. We never actually reallly think about it.

I earn an income now and right now, I can't begin to imagine having to share that income with anyone else, not to talk of some kids who will keep coming to ask for more. I do not remember anytime growing up when I asked my parents for books, clothes,that i never got it. and I always asked for more! I remember inflating the prices of books because I knew my dad would always question other non-academic things and I would justify my thievery ( yes was i not a little thief?lol) by saying well if u dont give me money for joker jellies i would remove it from the money of books!but my point is, everytime I asked, I always got. He never asked me to wait till month end. Flash forward to the present.. me.. Aderonke.. omo if you want anything from me you need to allow me plan for it oh! what do you think I am a bank? even my time.. you need to let me plan ahead for it.

I remember when I finished secondary school, and the time came for me to go to Uni... I wanted to take the A-Levels.. scratch that... I took every exam under the sun to ensure I got into a higher institution anywhere in the world. So here i was planning to study for cambridge A-Levels. That was a big deal for me because most of my classmates were doing IJMB ( the #abaversion of Cambridge A-levels lol)so I really needed to pass right? I needed to do very well so I could go to school in England. I had no idea where my parents were gonna get the funds, but hey.. I was going to do my part. I went to a 'cheap' A-Levels tutorial class which cost over a 150k, then excluding books and the cost of registering for the exams.I promised my parents that they would not regret shelling out the funds, but guess what i did? I flunked. Infact i flunked soo bad...but hey.. i got an 'E' in English.. I flunked so bad i cried as if i was going to die. How was I going to face my parents with this olodo result? how was i going to justify the spending of such an amount on a child who would not even pass. I remember going to tell my mum. I walked into her office, eyes red, face swollen.. i had cried like there was no tomorrow.. I told her i had "E, E, O" and guess what she said...'So Ronke, what do u want to do now, do u wanna write it again? or would u rather wait for JAMB?" In that moment, i could not love my mother more! I thought I was going to be killed. and then she said.." we have to go and check out Oxbridge if you want to do it again" Now Oxbridge was the best Alevels tutorial College in Lagos at that time ( D-Ivy people wey dey read make una no vex.. but Oxbridge was the best! hehehe) it was also the most expensive. You can imagine my shock, I had just failed and these peopel were willing to sink in 3 times the money they had paid earlier on.. I really could not have loved them more. I had to strive soo much harder to do them proud.. and yes I passed ( B, C,E I shoulda gotten a 'B' in English Literature instead of the 'C' but the A/c in Otunba Jobi Fele hall was soo cool i slept for more than 20 mins in the exam hall .. gist for another day).
My point is, parents are acually a gift and parenting is hard hard hard work. It's very easy to get carried away with your own life, your waka, your work and your ways and not give a rats a$$ about one child who just wants to faff about.

A lot of folks on twitter have been putting up their childhood memories and alot of them involve how their parents smacked the living day lights out of them, or taught them something , or gave them something.. Parents rock!

Have u seen a mother who is unable to provide her child with something? she would fight tooth and nail to get that thing for her child, an education, money, a better life style.. anything and what do we do?
sometimes we kick back at them, sometimes we tell them we hate them, sometimes we ask why we were ever born to them or why we were adopted, sometimes we hurt them so bad and we never even look back.
When my parents lost their son, I watched them in a state of shock, I was grieving but I could not even begin to imagine where they were, what they felt in that instant.. to lose a son? mind blowing!

Parenting is hard work and I think parents should be celebrated. Everyone can be a child, but not everyone can be a parent, an awesome parent.

So today, the 27th of May 2010, I chose to celebrate parents.. their sacrifice, their love, their patience, their money, their attention, devotion, loyalty and perseverance.

I celebrate my parents and I pray to God I'm half as good as they were, I pray that my children would be able to celebrate me, my principles and what I stand for.

Happy Parent's Day

The power of the hash tag (#)

I recently joined Twitter, which in my opinion has become my number one source of news and amebo! I heard of Yaradua's demise on Twitter, I heard that Chelsea FC scored 8 goals to clinch the English Premiership title. Twitter is a very informative avenue, my new addiction.
The hash tag (#) is used on twitter to depict a topic or a trend. The hash tag is usually employed when twitting in drawing the attention of your 'follower' to the subject. It has proven to be a very useful tool in twitter with respect to catching one's attention.

However, the hash tag can only go so far. Last week I read something on Twitter, 'Singing about the problem does not solve the problem' ( not verbatim). The hash tag can only go so far. #lightupnigeria, #enoughisenough are laudable moves by young people who have had enough and believe that something needs to be done about this crazy place we live in.(effective word being 'done').
We have gotten so used to living with the situation that we have been lulled into a false sense of inertia (is that the right word). It is as a result of this that these young people have decided to stand up to what is right and what is good. The #enoughisenough movement was very laudable and though I did not participate, I appreciate the fact that people left the comfort of their homes, offices and marched both in Lagos and Abuja. However, I believe the hash tag can only go so far, infact, the hash tag is almost powerless.

Last week, I finally got around to watching the first episode of BBC's documentary Welcome to Lagos. It show cased the lifestyle of people living on a dump site in Lagos. They live and work on the dumpsite. A friend of mine came to my house and saw it and went off on a rant about how this 'oyibo' people will not go and do a documentary on Brixton and Peckham and leave us alone. I felt sad in that instant because I realise that a lot of Nigerians would believe that and say that, because unfortunately I disagree. I do not believe that anything in that documentary was exaggerated. It is simply the reality of Nigeria, and trust me, there are more of those people, more of people that have to go through that every single day than those of us on Twitter and using the hash tag. The presumption is that you're on twitter because you are 1. Basically educated enough to make your way around a social app; 2. you have a computer, internet and power supply; and or 3, you own a Smartphone of some sort which enables you have access to the internet.

There's poverty of immmense proportion in this country and it's just so sad. It's very sad and the hash tag cannot solve the problem. Singing about it and tweeting about it wont take it away.

So what WILL take it away? doing your bit. A little at time, help the person you know who can barely get by. A lot of people hardly have enough to feed, no where to sleep not to talk to expanding on their dreams. We have a lot of options available to us and there are a lot of folks out there who have nothing.Funmi Iyanda and TY Bello have Link-a-child Project and they are making a difference. The gap between the haves and the have nots needs to be bridged and its PEOPLE who care and who are willing to make a difference, not by talking, not by singing and definitely not by tweeting. By taking a positive step in the right direction. There are a whole LOT of people who are living below the poverty line. We need to help them out of the little we have. We can make a difference through wealth distribution.Please don't say you are not the one who spoilt Nigeria, don't say you are cleaner or better than those people who live on Kuramo Beach or who work the dumpsites. Just make a difference, no matter where you find yourself.
Believe me, that 500naira you are about to use to buy a gossip magazine, a softsell, is enough to buy milk for a little baby somewhere in Makoko.

Today

Today I take my first step
into the future and into life
I'm growing, excitedly

Today I met my bride
I know she is
'Cos I feel it deep within


Today I held my son
Bright eyes and a wide smile
Glimmer of what the future holds

Today my son moves out
For he is old enough to,
Making a life for himself

Today I buried my son
My heart is heavy
He was vibrant and youthful

Today I changed my will
For all I hoped and planned is not
But I have tommorow or so I think


Today is all I have
Today, not tommorow
Just today

We lost him

I was going to blog about something entirely different 2 weeks ago. I was going to blog about how love was actually the strongest tie that binds. I was going to go on and on about how parental love and sibling love was so strong and nothing could match it. I was going to tell you all about my brother's accident, the explosion of the generator and how he sprinted through the fire to go get his wife and kids out. I was going to blog about how brave my brother was in doing what he did. I was going to tell you how I was never going to go a day without telling any of my siblings how much I loved them and how I was going to sheath my sword of quarell with my dad.
This is what I was going to do before Monday the 22nd of March when my sister called me and said to me "We Lost Him".

I don't know how I feel at the moment, though I must tell you everyone asks me.. " How are you doing?" and I answer "I'm fine"

I'm not fine. Will I ever be fine? fine as i knew it? maybe not really, but God is my strength not so?

I have learnt a lot of things from everything that has happened. God has been speaking to me through different means, you wont believe that I listened to a Sunny Ade or was it 'Obey' song today and there was something for me there.

No one has the words to console me, not one person in this world can do it for me.
I've been in a trance, I come out once in a while, almost as if he's not dead. I do normal things, I clean, I cook and I play, and then I remember and this dark cloud of grief settles on my heart.
I find however, that when I think of God I feel the burden lift. I do not want to over spiritualise my blog but there is really no friend like God. He holds my hand as I fall asleep. He keeps re-assuring me that my brother is with him. I'm telling you, that stuff about God being the great comforter is real oh! Don't let anyone deceive you.
As I walked out of Vaults and Gardens ( the internment site) I kept chanting like a mantra " Oluwa ki se'bi.. ire lo'n se" ( God does not do evil.. he does good) I kid you not, God has been faithful too me in this my short life that I can not turn on Him at this time of sorrow and say He has done a bad thing to me. As i grieve, try though I may to be strong, it is only God that gives me the grace to get through the day without breaking down.
At the hospital, the cord of love that was between my brother and I could not have been stronger. I needed at all times to let him know that I loved him and even though I could not hug him cos of the severity of his burns, I told him, from my heart to yours.. I love you. He said, I love you too..very much.
I remember those words as clear as day. And even though I did not think he would die, I did not think that the last time I would see him alive was when he asked me to pull the blanket up to his neck and shield him from the cold.. I remember those words, I love you.. and I felt it. I knew in that minute that nothing could be stronger than the cords of love.
The love we as humans have for each other is but a microcosm of what God has for us. Imagine when God says to us, neither death nor life can separate us from the love of God. In essence, he's saying to me, even though I've brought your brother to rest with me, even though you wont grow old with him, I love you. So here I am, with the love of my brother before he died, and the love of God.

I have my low moments, I have times when I wish I had spent more time with my brother. There are times when I think about all the things he said to me in the 5 days we spent at the hospital. I think of his bright smile, I think of his humour, how he laughed at the blackness of his burnt face, how he made fun of the hospital.
I think of the sharpness of his brain and the acuity of his mind. And most of all, I can't help but think that Deji died a hero. He literally went through the fire for his family.
And that my friends, is what love is about.

Date Rape

First of all, I need to understand the concept of 'hanging-out' .. Seriously, how is going to a bar, club, with no lights and lots of noise, people milling around a form of relaxation after a busy day at work? How?
So last night, I went out with a guy I'd been speaking to on the phone but had never met, we were supposed to hook up last night after work. Being the wet blanket that I am, my friends and colleagues challenged me to go, and do something besides lying on my bed and watching 'Greys Anatomy' and 'Brothers & Sisters' (which by the way is my ideal idea of fun... sue me!!!)
So last night, I went out with ... let's call him 'Callistus' ( lol.. he's Ibo by the way so in a round about sort of way that name is apt ne pas?) Anyway, I digress! So Callistus and I went to a bar somewhere on the Island. I was very conscious of the fact that I live on the mainland, I do not have a car and they lock the gate to my street at 10pm.. did i mention that i was very tired? ok well, Callistus lives on the Mainland too so I figured he'd drop me off. Well, we left the bar at 2 am in the morning ( and yes, i was sitting down and just waiting for the hours to go so I could go home and sleep)

So, we left and I could not go home, so i ended up sleeping over at Callistus'.. this was fine up untill 5 am this morning when he decided he wanted a lil' som'n som'n. So was I ready to put out for Callistus? Hell to the Nizzle ( as my colleague IB would say!) I mean, dude, i literally just met you, how would you think I was gonna say 'hey baby.. hump on'
It brought my mind back to when I was in Uni, and when my friends were going out, my first fear would always be 'where would sleep?'.. since Unilag gate closes at midnight but my friends always said.. oh they'd sleep in the house of whomever took them out. Times when I followed however, i found that the patron would always try to get a load of the goods.. and i actually thought it had something to do with my huge mammaries.. I realise today that my friends lied... all that time they lied.. cos Callistus took it for granted that I was gonna get into a bump and grind with him. Then he asked me this retarded question.."are u a virgin?" Dude... do I have to be a virgin to know I dont wanna sleep with you? I mean, everytime a guy assumes I'm a virgin cos I dont wanna do it with him. Mister man, has it occured to you that I just don't wanna screw you? I mean, can a girl not have choices?
So, 2 lessons learnt.. none of that 'hanging out' things, If my friends like, let them say I'm single because I dont go out.. na them sabi.. if they like, they should say it's McDreamy that will come and marry me from inside the TV.. na dem sabi.. no more of this hanging out business... I said 2 lessons right? secondly, never go home with a guy you are not ready to put it out for, it does not matter if he is a goody two-shoes, as long as he's got a penis, then stay the hell away from his home if you do not intend to do him.


Date Rape

I don't know how much of what happend I should share, but I need to get it out there. I need to let people understand the concept of Date Rape. I feel that the more people know, the more educated we would be.
I feel people are less sympathetic to the issue of rape when it seems you've been on a date with the rapist!
I always said that if I ever found myself in a situation where I was about to be raped, I'd say to the rapist, 'oya look, im not struggling. just do what you want to do.. and don't hurt me' However, faced with the same situation with the man I went on a date with last night I could not say that, I was scared,and too repulsed to even say anything like that.. I could not even imagine it. I struggled and writhed and screamed and nothing happend. I was pinned down by the weight of his body and his hands held mine down. With his teeth, he scratched and bit me... I struggled, I was scared.. I kept playing back the events of the night before and asking.. 'ye.. see wetin the words of people don do u oo...' and if u tell them now oo.. they will sya 'ehen, why did u go na' it just felt so wrong so unfair.. and all the while, he kept saying... "why are u behaving like a 15 year-old! Ah... It was horrible. I was badly bruised. He was unable to get into my VJay-jay, but he kept knocking around because I was writhing and struggling. I am bruised, abused and violated.

Who do I report a date rape to? As he drove me home, I said to him, you violated me, my trust and everything and he said.. listen to this please...' why na.. why would you say that' Dude.. raped me as far as i was concerned, but am I a part of the complicity? I don't know.
Am I going to go out with anyone anytime soon?


Hell to the Nizzle!!!!

The Death of Language

Hey people, I was looking around twitter and I saw a link about Winnie Mandela and her grouse with the Madiba. I decided to go read what she was on about and ran into the comments section..lo and behold this is what hit me

MBEBE MISHACK wrote :
WE AS SOUTH AFRICANS DNT WANT TO KNW WAT HAPPENED TO WINNIE AND MANDELA DURING THEIR MARRIEGE IF WINNIE HAS SOME GRAGIES WTH DAT OR SHE FEELS JOLOUS ABOUT THE GENOROCITY OF MADIBA SHE RADA APPEAL FOR LOVE BACK OR MARRIEGE BACK NOT TO BETRAY OUR BELOVEST MAN IN SA AND IN THE WORLD........................PLEACE WINNIE WE LOVE THE MAN WE EVEN LOVE YOU TOO.............."

I was gasping for air when I finished reading.. I mean.. dudette could not even spell 'Please'? ( why did i just assume the writer was a woman?) ok i stand corrected dude(tte).. was just wrong in every sentence right there. I just had to come and post this on my blog.
I think the English Language has fallen so badly, people don't even bother to speak the proper thing any more. I am guilty of the same sin. Some days ago, I asked my brother this question ' is she sleeping at yours?' my brother was quick to ask me.. 'what's that nonsense you people say these days? what is 'yours'? 'I felt really stupid. I was joining the crowd, speaking 2010-ese ( for lack of a better word) I pride myself in being able to speak properly, but I notice that I am sliding that the slippery slope of 'anything goes' into the murky waters of complacense(sp)?

People, let's speak properly, let's encourage people to speak English the right way, after all nothing stops us from speaking our native Languages?

Speaking of languages, I have been accused in my office of being very'cultural'. I've been told I speak a variant of Yoruba that is 'stronger' than normal people would. At first I was mortified, I did not realise that I was being tagged a '9ice' in the office, but then on the flip side, I took pride in the fact that I speak Yoruba quite excellently (if i may say so for myself) and I am quite skilled in the art of English (language is an art.. you gotta believe me) and as such, being able to speak both languages is actually a plus for me and not neccesarily a bad thing (i think??) So, I'd like to encourage everyone reading this blog to learn a new language, yours, someone else's.. just learn a language. start by learning a verb or two.. you dont know where it'll come in handy. ( and NO, you are not too old to learn) I am struggling with my hausa, but I know that one day, I'm going to be able to say way more than 'zo muchi abinchi'('come let's eat'..yes i'm a grub.. bite me! :-)

Holy God

I often wonder about worshipping God, and I realize that I do not do it nearly enough. I know I pray and I know when I pray I feel a certain connection with God, I believe he hears me but then, I realize that with worship, I don't do it nearly enough. I mean for a God who is awesome in all His awesomeness I don't worship enough. When I'm in church yes, I believe that the songs and the ambiance and the dimming of lights and the fellowship of brethren does take me to another realm and I able to completely fall, let go of my person, myself and let go to the Deity who gives me life. I realize that I seem to only get to that place, that peak of worship when I'm in church, when I'm being led to worship. However, I have not been to church this year.. I mean, its 2 months into the new year and I have not been able to connect on the level I desire. I was once in church and the pastor said, it's not the songs that should lead you to worship, it's you, it's the spirit. I have been able to pray, I have been able to praise, I have been able to give thanks, but I have not been able to worship.

What is a life without worship? It's empty. An empty life is what it is... nothing.

I do not want to live an empty life, I want to be able to worship the God who made me, who called me to being, because the truth is, without HIM, I'm but a speck of dust.

Today as I type, I am listening to a song by Donnie Mclurkin, and I think I have unlocked the key to my private worship of God.
The song goes;

Only you are holy
Only you are worthy
Only you are wonderful
For there’s no one else like you
Who is faithful, ever true
All my love, my heart, my life
Is a testimony
Only you are holy

And there, it came to me... I need to focus on the holiness of God and the fact that there is absolutely none like Him. God has proven Himself to me time and time and time and time again.. indeed all my life is a testimony to him. Who am I not to fall before the awesome, holy presence of such a being... Holy, in whom there is no imperfection. A God so awesome, so great that none can compare. I need to just remember that He is HOLY, free of blemish, before whom I can not stand, before whom I am nothing, without whom I do not exist.

He is Holy, God is holy, faithful and true. I will worship HIM at all times. I need to remain focused, remember that ONLY HE IS HOLY, FAITHFUL, EVER TRUE, THE ONLY WISE GOD, THE OMNIPOTENT, THE ONE WHO CALLS THAT WHICH IS NOT AS THOUGH THEY WERE. HOLY, HOLY HOLY.

Role reversal and this generation

I have been trying to update my blog in over a month. There is no excuse, I have simply been lazy. Pure and simple, no two words... mere laziness! Today I read 234next.com and Tolu Ogunlesi had posted an article, I read one yesterday and when I saw another one at dawn this morning I knew.. I'd been slacking with my blogging.

So here I am.. blogging again. I've had a lot of things whirling around in my head, a lot of things have confused me and made me wonder. One of such mind boggling things is the role reversal between the husband and the wife in this generation.

In the day and age of my mummy and daddy ( hehehe.. thats sounds soo five-year old)the daddy provided for the household and the mummy took care of the children.Sometimes the mummy did both... worked and still found the time to slap us aroud for breaking her pyrex.. but still there was the primary daddy provided and mummy spent arrangement...
Fastforward to 2010... mummy and daddy work.. daddy asks mummy for her contribution to house rent... (excuse me to let out an expletive here) WTF?????????????? So not only does mummy work, and contribute to providing for the family or even in some cases.. mummy is the Sole Provider...Daddy wants to still exercise his rights as daddy...

Me thinks once I start bringing half of the rent and I start paying for petrol in the generator ( and no not one a one-off situation.. when it becomes regular) .. me thinks then you lose the locus standi to expect that dinner be served at 7pm, or even expect that I come and rub your toes and tummy at my inconvenience. I am sorry, I am old school. I see no reason why if our roles are now reversed you should not take the role of cooking, or going shopping for household things... yes... after all I'm busting my caps all week long to have enough money that you will spend... and then i should come and do you a pedicure? no way jose!!!
And what is this busines of what's your money is mine and my money is yours? Please NO! that was in the day of our parents.. now let everybody hold their money!!!

So I know there is a place for being a supportive wife and all that, that's understandable, but please men should stop taking these things for granted.

I think, this generation is just warped and they have it all twisted.
I want a loving and supportive man, a man who would be considerate and not collect my money ( seeing as I've been driving to and from lekki in traffic all week), a man who would appreciate my efforts, who would provide for me( yes, thats the role of a man.. if u dont like it ..sue God...!!!!)and basically a man who would make me bless God for him and bless him all the days of our lives.

All this nonsense of role reversal is just wrong. Men, step up to the plate and bear that name "Man" with dignity!

I believe

I believe in love
Even though I do not feel it
I believe in the air,
'cos I breathe it
I believe the sun is shining
Even though I do not feel it
I believe in the silence
'cos it envelopes me
I believe in the dark,
even though it brings no joy
I believe in a smile,
'cos it brightens up my day
I believe in God
even when the pain wracks so deep
I believe in death
'cos one day, I'll be no more.

Elusive Purpose

How is it , that i feel so empty
Yet I'm bursting with so much
So much to think, to do to say
Yet i can not find the words
The world around me is expectant,
Having been blessed with such
I am found seriously wanting
I wonder if when death comes
Will I be ready
Because I feel I haven't acheived my purpose
Where does one seek purpose?
Where does one seek this so elusive thing?
In the smile on people's faces when I've done something nice
The joy which radiates just by my being there
A burden i have helped lift
A tear i have helped dry
Life,
purpose,
it seems one cannot have one without the other
But purpose cannot actually be measured
It is felt, and it is what keeps me going.
I have to bring joy and happiness to the next person.
I need help, I can not but seek
for purpose, so elusive, so free
can only be found
in this tangled web of life

Dear God

All day today, I have been moaning and whining and complaining, and it just occured to me that somewhere up in heaven, You must be tired of hearing from me today.
I am a truly blessed child and all I've done today is complaining about something I dont have or the other. I'm either complaining about Smoking Joe, or my hair, or money to make my hair, or something.
I had an epiphany while i was in the shower this night, 'God has been soooo good to me and all I have done to repay him has been to whine about what He has not yet finished doing'.
I am truly sorry.

So here goes, a list of things I am grateful for.

1. I am grateful for the patience and the time taken to raise me up. My parents gave up a lot for me to have the best upbringing ever. My mum says all the time they would rather by books than buy clothes. I read all Ladybird series, Secret Seven, Famous Five before I was 10. I remember how my mother would nearly have a fit if you said "th" the wrong way, or pronounced a word like you were to lazy to make the effort. I am eternally grateful because today i can say "Woolwich" (Woolich) the way it was meant to be said.
2. I can not really say I have ever struggled to 'look' for a job in the real sense of it. I have been blessed, instead what do I do? I moan about having to drive all the way to Lekki. Some people just want to work.. they will sort logistics out, and here I am at a job that people are looking for and shallow me.. I complain.
3. I did my NYSC in Lagos. Trully, that may seem like small fry but I cant imagine having been in Yobe ooo seriously!
4. Never thought I'd say this but I'm grateful for Smoking Joe, warts and all that old dude gets me around this metropolis.
5. I'm grateful for the fact that I have never been deported, my name is not on the news for attempting to blow up any aircraft, I am just lil ol' unknown me.
   
6. I have just come back from holiday , a holiday I totally and thoroughly enjoyed every bit of (albeit one little annonnying someone who made me sad) and I was with my sister, and my friends and I life was just peachy. How did I manage to forget that just last week I was in bliss, and I'm already complaining that I have to service the car, I have to go to work....You are truly patient ooo...
   If i had a child who was always whiny and moany.. one day I'll just lock her up in the bathroom.
7. I'm grateful for my intelligent friends and my family... they are available as resource. They are always there, a well of knowledge and support! I'm not as poor as I always say I am. I'm blessed.
8. My computer, as old as it is.. no battery and all, serves me well. Me and this buddy have been together for a while and it's still going strong. I complain about it all the time, not having a battery, not having a camera, hard drive not being big enough... but I have a computer, cant I just shut up and leave it at that?
9. I have a 2 bed room flat.. ( gives me an illusion of independence) I come and go as I please. I complain that it needs to be fixed, i need money to paint, do plumbing, blah blah but still. A roof over my head, a place of my own ( almost lol) and a sense of belonging.
10. And last but not the least, I'm grateful to be alive and well. I don't know the last time I was in a hospital bed, ill or even down with something beyond the common cold and every day " oh I'm weak"

So dear God, I'm truly sorry I've been ungrateful and whiny, a high maintainance kid. I promise to have an attitude of gratitude ( sounds corny i know) from now on.
Love always, your baby...
E