A few years ago my mom and I went to a dealership to buy a car. After signing the paper work we turned around and as we got to the car, the clerk followed us and asked me for my number, I looked at him and said I didn't have a phone. He smiled at me and I glared back, entered the car and left. The events of that day in R.T Briscoe is often recounted to me over and over again by mother. She cites it as an example of pride and setting too high standards. Every opportunity she gets to talk about my being single and how I have 'high standards', she is quick to talk about the R.T Briscoe clerk.
Last week, she said that this year she was going to encourage me to be a friendlier person and then said if Mr. ABC says he likes you, give him a chance. I gasped, "Mom, Mr. ABC is a clerk in my office, besides he is dating one of the cleaners". I burst into tears immediately. Had my case become one of "anyone wey come?". I was miserable. I cried and cried and cried and cried. I mean here I am, a well educated young woman, being pawned off to the nearest bidder, not highest oh... nearest!!! My mother said "the worth of a man is not where he is right now". This got me thinking, asking myself the question...Am I proud? am I choosy? am I a picky individual? I have said it time and time again and even readers of my blog know this, I ask for very few things and in this order:
1. The fear of God (A man with the fear of God entrenched in him is estopped from doing hurtful things. He will be governed by the tennets of God and as such will love me as he loves God. I do not mean all those eye-service Christians oh, those ones that will say I should not wear "trozziz". I mean a fear of God and the genuine love of God embedded in his core. Note that I did not say 'awon spiro' oh. I didn't say those 'i-live-in-the-church-but- i-can-kill-you-with-my-nasty ass-unforgiving-spirit'. I mean the true love of God. Shey you get??)
2. Education, drive, wit, and intellect. This is self explanatory. I can't over emphasize these things. All four are fundamental and I believe they are a four-in-one cocktail.
3. Family background.A lot of people make the stupid mistake of saying "I'm marrying him not his family" can I get a resounding "DeyDere!!!!!" For me, a person's family background goes a long way in forming who he is today, his mindset and how his inclinations are. Now I know everyone can't come from the same type of stock but indeed iron sharpeneth iron. #NuffSaid.
As you can see I have not said the guy has to be stupendously rich, I have not said I require him to take me on holiday on an exotic island bi-annually. I have not said I will not move in with him into a small place. I tell you this, I can be with a man who has no car, who has a tiny room if he has the fear of God, he is educated, he has the drive for more, a desire for more, if he's witty and funn for God Forbid I live with a man who isn't funny or has no sense of humour. I will gladly take public transport with a kind hearted intelligient man. I will be with a man who's not intimidated by the fact that I have a loving family and who has kind family members. I want to be with a person whom I can start another family with.
I have enumerated here how I measure the worth of a man. because I realise that this "worth of a man" concept isn't universal. It isn't a one-size-fits-all thing. To each his own. For me, I don't wanna make a mistake. I am not shallow ( or at least I'd like to believe I am not) but I'd like to be able to talk to my partner/friend/husband about the nuances of my work, my interests and my life. There has to be that initial threshhold from which other things would be launched.
How do you measure the worth of a man/woman?
Friday, January 14, 2011
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Resolved
My office shut down on the 17th of December, so it's been a really long holiday for me. I'm back at work now and truth be told I do feel refreshed. The fact that there's no immediate pressure at work also helps too.
Yeah I know people normally start the year with lofty resolutions and all, my one resolution this year.. TRIPPLE MY NETWORTH by December 2011. I am sorry if it appears like I'm motivated by material things, but it is what it is. ;)
Ok, on to today's rant.
A friend of mine recently got "disengaged". Her fiance sent her a "Dear John" (or 'Jane' in this case). Dude listed out in a clear, coincise manner, all the things he called her "flaws" and stated that he was unable to accept them and they were not issues that were up for discussion. She was distraught. She spent the first month trying to call him and he wasn't picking up her calls. He asked his driver to take all her belongings to her house ( you know how we girls like to leave one or two things strewn around Boo's office... marking our territory and stuff like that.. not so subtle but yes we do it) anyway, so dude basicallly wiped out all traces of her from his life. She is STILL distraught.
The primary bone of contention with the guy was her religion. Lemme tell you a lil' som'n about my friend. She was has muslim parents, she was raised as a muslim and somewhere along the line, she became a Christian. Her ex-fiance is a muslim. According to him, when they met she told him she was a moslem. According to her, she told him she ws a "non practising muslim". He says she deceived him. All this before he used his mouth to PROPOSE to her oh! He knew about this 'deceit', he knew she had flaws and went ahead and asked her parents for her hand in marriage. He proposed to her and told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
He woke up one sunday morning and all of a sudden, he didn't want to be with her anymore. According to her, they didn't quarell, in fact, they had "resolved" the religion issue. He wasn't gonna force her to become a muslim and according to her, she would have reverted if he had asked.
Another friend of mine was in a similar situation a year ago. Hers was slightly different, in her own case it was a clear case of "You're a christian, I'm a muslim. I love you and I wouldn't try to change you." They added a slight twist to theirs; my friend promised her boo she wasn't gonna take "his" children to church. So for them, both parties were promising to stay in their own lane! (Hm!!! note the "his" children not "their" children) Anyway, they started planning their wedding and dude realises that you know what? This religion issue which we'd "resolved" isn't soo resolved o! Babe, I don't think I can do this. Another broken engagement.
This brings me to the crux of this post... what exactly do people mean when they say they've resolved issues that are as fundamental as religion when they are about to get married? Faith is a very personal thing, and as such I wonder, how do you "resolve" it just to enable a marriage?
I lived in a home where the mommy was a christian and the daddy was a muslim. Trust me, it was not fun! They were always fighting! Apparently before they got married wayy back in the late 60's the Mommy's father had made the Daddy promise that he'd never convert his daughter. It was "resolved": but as the years went by, Daddy became a real big shot in his town and his political career shot up! He was a visible Alhaji with a Christian wife. She grew older and increased her church activity. It was messy. Trust me. I lived through it. It was messy! I would cower at the foot of the step when the screaming started on sunday mornings when Mommy carried her bible and purse with plans to go to church.
Are these things ever resolved? Do you wanna go into a marriage knowing you're not in sync with your partner? Should both parties not be able to pray and encourage each other? My friend who is a muslim shared with me a story of how ALL her life she's always known her parents to pray together every evening. Like clockwork. They brought up their children in that way.
Faith, your faith is personal. It's the beacon that guides your walk through this maze called life. You know how they say "better a broken engagement than a failed marriage"? It sounds like a cliche but it is true. My friend dodged a bullet I tell ya!
I don't believe you should waver in your faith. Do what you know is right to do, not just for yourselves, but for your children. Don't let them grow up confused. Show them the right path and bring them up with a oneness of heart
All my life, I was brought up to believe that the father is the spiritual head of the home. I wanna marry someone who prays like me, who shares my faith. Someone who can say to me like my friend's dad... "Come up, let's pray". It is resolved!
Yeah I know people normally start the year with lofty resolutions and all, my one resolution this year.. TRIPPLE MY NETWORTH by December 2011. I am sorry if it appears like I'm motivated by material things, but it is what it is. ;)
Ok, on to today's rant.
A friend of mine recently got "disengaged". Her fiance sent her a "Dear John" (or 'Jane' in this case). Dude listed out in a clear, coincise manner, all the things he called her "flaws" and stated that he was unable to accept them and they were not issues that were up for discussion. She was distraught. She spent the first month trying to call him and he wasn't picking up her calls. He asked his driver to take all her belongings to her house ( you know how we girls like to leave one or two things strewn around Boo's office... marking our territory and stuff like that.. not so subtle but yes we do it) anyway, so dude basicallly wiped out all traces of her from his life. She is STILL distraught.
The primary bone of contention with the guy was her religion. Lemme tell you a lil' som'n about my friend. She was has muslim parents, she was raised as a muslim and somewhere along the line, she became a Christian. Her ex-fiance is a muslim. According to him, when they met she told him she was a moslem. According to her, she told him she ws a "non practising muslim". He says she deceived him. All this before he used his mouth to PROPOSE to her oh! He knew about this 'deceit', he knew she had flaws and went ahead and asked her parents for her hand in marriage. He proposed to her and told her he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her.
He woke up one sunday morning and all of a sudden, he didn't want to be with her anymore. According to her, they didn't quarell, in fact, they had "resolved" the religion issue. He wasn't gonna force her to become a muslim and according to her, she would have reverted if he had asked.
Another friend of mine was in a similar situation a year ago. Hers was slightly different, in her own case it was a clear case of "You're a christian, I'm a muslim. I love you and I wouldn't try to change you." They added a slight twist to theirs; my friend promised her boo she wasn't gonna take "his" children to church. So for them, both parties were promising to stay in their own lane! (Hm!!! note the "his" children not "their" children) Anyway, they started planning their wedding and dude realises that you know what? This religion issue which we'd "resolved" isn't soo resolved o! Babe, I don't think I can do this. Another broken engagement.
This brings me to the crux of this post... what exactly do people mean when they say they've resolved issues that are as fundamental as religion when they are about to get married? Faith is a very personal thing, and as such I wonder, how do you "resolve" it just to enable a marriage?
I lived in a home where the mommy was a christian and the daddy was a muslim. Trust me, it was not fun! They were always fighting! Apparently before they got married wayy back in the late 60's the Mommy's father had made the Daddy promise that he'd never convert his daughter. It was "resolved": but as the years went by, Daddy became a real big shot in his town and his political career shot up! He was a visible Alhaji with a Christian wife. She grew older and increased her church activity. It was messy. Trust me. I lived through it. It was messy! I would cower at the foot of the step when the screaming started on sunday mornings when Mommy carried her bible and purse with plans to go to church.
Are these things ever resolved? Do you wanna go into a marriage knowing you're not in sync with your partner? Should both parties not be able to pray and encourage each other? My friend who is a muslim shared with me a story of how ALL her life she's always known her parents to pray together every evening. Like clockwork. They brought up their children in that way.
Faith, your faith is personal. It's the beacon that guides your walk through this maze called life. You know how they say "better a broken engagement than a failed marriage"? It sounds like a cliche but it is true. My friend dodged a bullet I tell ya!
I don't believe you should waver in your faith. Do what you know is right to do, not just for yourselves, but for your children. Don't let them grow up confused. Show them the right path and bring them up with a oneness of heart
All my life, I was brought up to believe that the father is the spiritual head of the home. I wanna marry someone who prays like me, who shares my faith. Someone who can say to me like my friend's dad... "Come up, let's pray". It is resolved!
Thursday, December 2, 2010
When people ask...
Ever wondered how easy it is to ask "How are you"? Ever noticed how quick we are to reply "Fine, thank you!" Well, I noticed how flippantly that question is asked. Most of the time the enquirer is no longer interested by the time he's done asking the question. Most of the time you issue your response so you can swiftly move on to the order of the day... whatever it is that you are about in the first place.
I take this question very seriously though. I never ask anyone how they are unless I genuinely wanna know. I usually ask with a bright smile on my face because I really care. I wanna know how you are and how you've been since the last time I saw you. I realise sadly, this is not the case with everyone.
I've been very weepy and teary eyed in the last one week. It's been a very sad time for me.I have a lot of those sad moments, but usually when I get in front of my laptop, I turn on my Modern family or Greys Anatomy and I'm fine. Recently, I've been really teary eyed, as in, it's been more than just being sad. I've been borderline depressed. You see, I'm a very cheery person ( or at least I like to think I am) but like every cheery person, I have my down times. So these tears and stuff, only means this is really a bad time. Let me explain a bit.
You see, I believe if you're single,(manless) then you should have money, like loads of money, or a really fulfilling career. You know, something that you can look back on and say.. that's what I was doing that I didn't have time to settle down. It just occured to me that, I'm on this dreary road to nothingness; no career satisfaction. I haven't found where my talent lies, I'm not rolling in bucket loads of cash and I'm manless?? Like really What The Heck??? When I was in Uni, I wasn't the partying sort, I wasn't the spiro born-again fellowship hopping girl, neither was I the top of my class.. LIKE FRIGGING SERIOUSLY... WHAT THE HECK?? I'm bloodly Jane Average!!!!!!
So you see, I've been mulling this around this my head and it's been bringing me to tears. I'm so unhappy at work, I'm going through the motions, I travel to work everyday, leave at 8p.m get home just in time to have a shower and fall asleep. To crown it all.. I'm manless.. Like What The Hell????? Seriously, if this isn't enough to bring me to tears... well I'm sorry.. my threshold for hurt is very low. I bruise easily, which brings me to what precipitated this blog post.
So I tweeted that I was really sad and it's been really hard to see beyond the tears at see those things I should be grateful for. Then a friend of mine gets on Gtalk and says.. "Why are you sad?" I said "It's really long and complicated I don't wanna talk about it because talking about it depresses me further and I'm in tears. Talking about it would only make me sadder" and then dude just goes on and on about how I should tell him.. then I finally tell him " oh it's about my job, I'm unhappy". Then he types "Dat's why you're crying, iranu(nonsense/trash/rubbish) Se iyen lo wa fa ekun (is that enough to warrant tears?)" I was in shock!!!! You see, if he'd just left me, I'd have been alright, I'd have been calm, I'd have been able to return to normal me, talking about Kanye West's new album and all things beautiful in the world. But in that moment, in that minute, I didn't need to be told I was crying for no just cause.
I know there are people starving in Sudan, I know there are people who've been married for 16 years with no kids, I know there's someone out there who's just lost a kid, I know there's someone out there who's been jobless for 4 years.. I know this. I, however, do not believe this precludes me from being able to weep at a situation which causes me hurt. "Friend", if you knew you didn't really wanna know what was wrong with me WHY DID YOU ASK??? I'm really upset! Usually, I cry, and I'll be fine.
I got back from work last friday and I was in tears. I met my brother in my house, and I just dragged him to the back and cried. I cried for 10minutes, not explaining anything, just crying. He stood there, not judging, not shouting.. "what.what" he was there for me. Then when I finished I told him how miserable I was at work, how I needed something to challenge me. I needed a reason to keep going to work. You see, to someone else, these are 'minor issues' but right now, this right there is my 'major issue'. Please respect me enough to let my major issue be major to me and don't knock me, especially not when I'm down and out and miserable.
When my brother died in March, a lot of people who came to commiserate were more interested in the 'gist' of how the generator exploded. Was he putting fuel in it while it was on? was he using his phone? I'm like..really how insensitive do some people get? When people ask questions, are they really ready for the responses they'll get? or they just ask for 'asking' purposes? It's not compulsory you know
When you ask how a person is doing, please be ready for how they are really doing. Don't ask because you need 'material'. If you are not ready, please don't ask. Just walk on by. Walk on by.
Sadly yours
Eknoreda
I take this question very seriously though. I never ask anyone how they are unless I genuinely wanna know. I usually ask with a bright smile on my face because I really care. I wanna know how you are and how you've been since the last time I saw you. I realise sadly, this is not the case with everyone.
I've been very weepy and teary eyed in the last one week. It's been a very sad time for me.I have a lot of those sad moments, but usually when I get in front of my laptop, I turn on my Modern family or Greys Anatomy and I'm fine. Recently, I've been really teary eyed, as in, it's been more than just being sad. I've been borderline depressed. You see, I'm a very cheery person ( or at least I like to think I am) but like every cheery person, I have my down times. So these tears and stuff, only means this is really a bad time. Let me explain a bit.
You see, I believe if you're single,(manless) then you should have money, like loads of money, or a really fulfilling career. You know, something that you can look back on and say.. that's what I was doing that I didn't have time to settle down. It just occured to me that, I'm on this dreary road to nothingness; no career satisfaction. I haven't found where my talent lies, I'm not rolling in bucket loads of cash and I'm manless?? Like really What The Heck??? When I was in Uni, I wasn't the partying sort, I wasn't the spiro born-again fellowship hopping girl, neither was I the top of my class.. LIKE FRIGGING SERIOUSLY... WHAT THE HECK?? I'm bloodly Jane Average!!!!!!
So you see, I've been mulling this around this my head and it's been bringing me to tears. I'm so unhappy at work, I'm going through the motions, I travel to work everyday, leave at 8p.m get home just in time to have a shower and fall asleep. To crown it all.. I'm manless.. Like What The Hell????? Seriously, if this isn't enough to bring me to tears... well I'm sorry.. my threshold for hurt is very low. I bruise easily, which brings me to what precipitated this blog post.
So I tweeted that I was really sad and it's been really hard to see beyond the tears at see those things I should be grateful for. Then a friend of mine gets on Gtalk and says.. "Why are you sad?" I said "It's really long and complicated I don't wanna talk about it because talking about it depresses me further and I'm in tears. Talking about it would only make me sadder" and then dude just goes on and on about how I should tell him.. then I finally tell him " oh it's about my job, I'm unhappy". Then he types "Dat's why you're crying, iranu(nonsense/trash/rubbish) Se iyen lo wa fa ekun (is that enough to warrant tears?)" I was in shock!!!! You see, if he'd just left me, I'd have been alright, I'd have been calm, I'd have been able to return to normal me, talking about Kanye West's new album and all things beautiful in the world. But in that moment, in that minute, I didn't need to be told I was crying for no just cause.
I know there are people starving in Sudan, I know there are people who've been married for 16 years with no kids, I know there's someone out there who's just lost a kid, I know there's someone out there who's been jobless for 4 years.. I know this. I, however, do not believe this precludes me from being able to weep at a situation which causes me hurt. "Friend", if you knew you didn't really wanna know what was wrong with me WHY DID YOU ASK??? I'm really upset! Usually, I cry, and I'll be fine.
I got back from work last friday and I was in tears. I met my brother in my house, and I just dragged him to the back and cried. I cried for 10minutes, not explaining anything, just crying. He stood there, not judging, not shouting.. "what.what" he was there for me. Then when I finished I told him how miserable I was at work, how I needed something to challenge me. I needed a reason to keep going to work. You see, to someone else, these are 'minor issues' but right now, this right there is my 'major issue'. Please respect me enough to let my major issue be major to me and don't knock me, especially not when I'm down and out and miserable.
When my brother died in March, a lot of people who came to commiserate were more interested in the 'gist' of how the generator exploded. Was he putting fuel in it while it was on? was he using his phone? I'm like..really how insensitive do some people get? When people ask questions, are they really ready for the responses they'll get? or they just ask for 'asking' purposes? It's not compulsory you know
When you ask how a person is doing, please be ready for how they are really doing. Don't ask because you need 'material'. If you are not ready, please don't ask. Just walk on by. Walk on by.
Sadly yours
Eknoreda
Friday, September 17, 2010
What's Cooking??
So I decided to update my blog and after typing the title I figured, what better way to seek inspiration than go down and get some food. So as I type this my good fellows, I'm a well fed legal practitioner... back at her desk and wishing the day would end ALREADY! ** sigh** Oh well, lemme quickly tell you guys something that's been bugging me for a while now. It's cooking.
I'm a very unique individual ( yes me and 10 billion other people in the world you might say?) well I am a very unique girl 'cos I was raised by various people. At different times, but one common thread ran through these different stages... "you must be a good cook, home maker and mother" I learned from my grandma, my mum and Mrs Yusuf. I grew up being taught that as a woman I had to know how to cook (WELL.. no be any how food oh), clean, take care of EVERY need of your children and husband. So, I learned to cook everything we eat in my house. I went to Uni and learnt some more.
Recently, I decided to be more adventurous and learn how to cook meals from other tribes/ cultures in Nigeria. So i decided to start with Ibo food cos I'm partially from the north anyway so i got a pretty decent handle on some soups from the Northern part of Nigeria. You can imagine my excitement when my ibo friends tasted my 'catering practicals' and gave me a nod of accession. I was told I was a natural. The excitement was short lived tho. I wanna tell you two things that doused the flames of my excitement.
1. The realization that knowing how to cook is not as ESSENTIAL I'd been raised to believe, and; 2. The fact that you can make all this 'local' food doesn't necessarily earn you points as a 'good' wife and home maker.
Recently a friend of mine started a relationship of some sort with a guy who lives in Asia. My friend is in her 30's and as such she was excited about this new relationship, with marriage in view. The dude asked her to come over to Singapore for a visit and you can imagine our corporate excitement about the fact that the relationship was 'progressing' towards a proposal and a huge rock :D. I asked her, "What would you be cooking for him when you get there?"
Lemme give you a quick background of my friend and what gave rise to this enquiry of mine. My friend is a very 'hawt', 'fly' chic who is in no way 'domesticated'. She lives in a house with a cook and says that she's had help all her life and as such can not be bothered to get her hands dirty. This is a long way from where I am coming from so you can imagine why I like her, she's a perfect insight to how the other side of the divide is.
She answered me, "cook ke? I am thinking of how to get a wax and how to keep my body bathing suit compliant you are asking me what I'll cook" I was in shock.. In all fairness to her, when she got to Singapore and she asked the guy what he wanted her to make for him, he responded "babes, you are on holiday, please let me treat you" There, in the garbage, she tossed the egusi and dry fish her mama asked her to take along with her after a crash course in cooking egusi the week before her trip.
So I found, there are men who aren't bothered about food. I mean, the fact that you can or cannot cook will not take you a step closer to getting the title "MRS" .
**sigh** Did my mothers lie to me?
The second thing that rocked my firmly rooted beliefs was that the fact that I can make awesome ogbono, fried rice, efo riro, grilled chicken.....( awesome is a very humble way of describing my cooking actually :P) I digress.... :D Anyway, so i found that the fact that I can make 'local' food doesn't neccesarily mean the man is going to be impressed. I'm terribly hurt as I type this.
This is me, a girl who's been brought up in a certain way, I mean we didn't have carbonara, squid in sweet and sour sauce, lamb in garlic sauce in the house. Those were things we had in restaurants when we went for someone's birthday. I'm a yoruba girl for chrissakes, I was born in Lagos and i've lived in Lagos all my life. Mac and Cheese was not served in my house as a regular. yam, Egg, Beans, Rice, Eba, amala, Pounded Yam, Spaghetti and meat balls ( if we wanted to get stylish) These were the things that were served in my house. I was shocked when I read on Twitter that a girl needed to know how to make some of these ' fancy restaurant' stuff as well.
You can imagine my state of mind. I mean, I'm growing up and finding out that being an innate homemaker doesn't guarantee you that a man would choose you over the beautifully clad bikini wearing chic who has absolutely no interest in cooking or home affairs. I'm growing up and finding out that all my 'awesome' catering skills will amount to nothing if I can't whip up squid in sweet and sour sauce.
So guys, what's the deal? what do you guys really want in a wife? I used to believe a guy needed a woman who loved him, supported him, took care of his children, gave him fantastic mind blowing sex, fed him ( belly and ego), wasn't an embarrassment to be seen with and made him feel like the alpha male at all times.
**sigh**
Why was I taught to be all this and I find out that it's still not enough?
What do men really want? Guys, what's really cooking? I need feed back!
I'm a very unique individual ( yes me and 10 billion other people in the world you might say?) well I am a very unique girl 'cos I was raised by various people. At different times, but one common thread ran through these different stages... "you must be a good cook, home maker and mother" I learned from my grandma, my mum and Mrs Yusuf. I grew up being taught that as a woman I had to know how to cook (WELL.. no be any how food oh), clean, take care of EVERY need of your children and husband. So, I learned to cook everything we eat in my house. I went to Uni and learnt some more.
Recently, I decided to be more adventurous and learn how to cook meals from other tribes/ cultures in Nigeria. So i decided to start with Ibo food cos I'm partially from the north anyway so i got a pretty decent handle on some soups from the Northern part of Nigeria. You can imagine my excitement when my ibo friends tasted my 'catering practicals' and gave me a nod of accession. I was told I was a natural. The excitement was short lived tho. I wanna tell you two things that doused the flames of my excitement.
1. The realization that knowing how to cook is not as ESSENTIAL I'd been raised to believe, and; 2. The fact that you can make all this 'local' food doesn't necessarily earn you points as a 'good' wife and home maker.
Recently a friend of mine started a relationship of some sort with a guy who lives in Asia. My friend is in her 30's and as such she was excited about this new relationship, with marriage in view. The dude asked her to come over to Singapore for a visit and you can imagine our corporate excitement about the fact that the relationship was 'progressing' towards a proposal and a huge rock :D. I asked her, "What would you be cooking for him when you get there?"
Lemme give you a quick background of my friend and what gave rise to this enquiry of mine. My friend is a very 'hawt', 'fly' chic who is in no way 'domesticated'. She lives in a house with a cook and says that she's had help all her life and as such can not be bothered to get her hands dirty. This is a long way from where I am coming from so you can imagine why I like her, she's a perfect insight to how the other side of the divide is.
She answered me, "cook ke? I am thinking of how to get a wax and how to keep my body bathing suit compliant you are asking me what I'll cook" I was in shock.. In all fairness to her, when she got to Singapore and she asked the guy what he wanted her to make for him, he responded "babes, you are on holiday, please let me treat you" There, in the garbage, she tossed the egusi and dry fish her mama asked her to take along with her after a crash course in cooking egusi the week before her trip.
So I found, there are men who aren't bothered about food. I mean, the fact that you can or cannot cook will not take you a step closer to getting the title "MRS" .
**sigh** Did my mothers lie to me?
The second thing that rocked my firmly rooted beliefs was that the fact that I can make awesome ogbono, fried rice, efo riro, grilled chicken.....( awesome is a very humble way of describing my cooking actually :P) I digress.... :D Anyway, so i found that the fact that I can make 'local' food doesn't neccesarily mean the man is going to be impressed. I'm terribly hurt as I type this.
This is me, a girl who's been brought up in a certain way, I mean we didn't have carbonara, squid in sweet and sour sauce, lamb in garlic sauce in the house. Those were things we had in restaurants when we went for someone's birthday. I'm a yoruba girl for chrissakes, I was born in Lagos and i've lived in Lagos all my life. Mac and Cheese was not served in my house as a regular. yam, Egg, Beans, Rice, Eba, amala, Pounded Yam, Spaghetti and meat balls ( if we wanted to get stylish) These were the things that were served in my house. I was shocked when I read on Twitter that a girl needed to know how to make some of these ' fancy restaurant' stuff as well.
You can imagine my state of mind. I mean, I'm growing up and finding out that being an innate homemaker doesn't guarantee you that a man would choose you over the beautifully clad bikini wearing chic who has absolutely no interest in cooking or home affairs. I'm growing up and finding out that all my 'awesome' catering skills will amount to nothing if I can't whip up squid in sweet and sour sauce.
So guys, what's the deal? what do you guys really want in a wife? I used to believe a guy needed a woman who loved him, supported him, took care of his children, gave him fantastic mind blowing sex, fed him ( belly and ego), wasn't an embarrassment to be seen with and made him feel like the alpha male at all times.
**sigh**
Why was I taught to be all this and I find out that it's still not enough?
What do men really want? Guys, what's really cooking? I need feed back!
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
Failed State
I started writing this post in September. As I type this, it is 07.38pm, 8th November 2010. yes. I didn't blog at all in October. I am quite lazy like that, but I do appreciate the fact that some of you keep coming back to see what randomness has left my head and is laid bare for the world to see. You know I do this for both of us, you guys, and for my sanity. Sometimes I have so many things I wanna talk about but then I don't have the words. Do you know that feeling? I have recently discovered I do not know how to express myself properly. For a lawyer this is a horrible discovery, thank goodness I do not have to represent any poor person in court. I shudder at the thought of the Judge tossing me out. Let me give you an example, I was trying to explain to my colleague about how NNPC ceded a portion of their rights in certain Oil Mining Leases to a foreign oil company and I kept rolling my hands round and round. I said... "NNPC/ I mean the government, gave a percentage of the.. the .. the thing" She stood there with a blank look on her face. What I wanted to say was "NNPC made company X a co-venturer in the Joint Venture" The words "Joint Venture" eluded me for several minutes. It's sad though. I have decided however, that I need to slow down when
speaking to avoid looking like a bumbling idiot in the work place. I mean, what's the point of knowing what I know and not being able to express myself. Surely I'm no more than he who has no idea. At least his own mouth is closed!
**sigh**
Ok I've told you guys what I've recently discovered about myself. Let me tell you what I originally wanted to tell you in September.. or was it August?
Ok so NEPA (PHCN) Power generating and distribution company in Nigeria. I think that description is a failed one though, because they are neither generating nor distributing any power... Anyway, I digress, So NEPA went on STRIKE!! Yes, delayed I know but really how does a company like NEPA go on strike? Only in Nigeria. I don't think our leaders know how much of a failed nation we are without constant power.
I just got back from holiday somewhere in the North east of England; and as with everytime I'm out of the country, the joy of knowing that there would be no sudden power cut (barring all unforeseen circumstance). So i dashed down to Tesco one beautiful morning to grab muffins, a pack of 4 muffins cost £1.50 which is approximately N360. In Chocolat Royal, a coffee shop / pattiserrie of some sort in Lagos, one muffin... One muffin is 350 naira. i was about to go off on how I was being ripped off in Lagos. Why was I paying the price of 4 muffins, for 1 muffin? Then I remembered that Chocolat Royal had a huge power generating set which it left on for 20 hours in 24. Businesses provide power for themselves, this pushes up operating costs and in order to break even, they have to push up retail prices.. Hence, the end user is inadvertedly paying for the lacuna in the infrastructural development of this 'great' nation.. It's truly sad.
So Nepa went on strike for about 5 days, and a lot of people said they were blissfully unaware of NEPA's strike because they'd not had power or 'light' for weeks anyway, I was scared. I mean, we usually have light at night. It was a sad situation though, because it further demonstrated the fact that Nigeria is a failed State. What business does NEPA have going on strike????
Issue number2.... Nigeria's 50th Anniversary. Nigerians donned the cloak of patrioticism on the 1st of October. They told themselves they had something to celebrate. 50years of Independence from the British Colonial masters. The city was awash with what a friend of mine calles 'Massive DeyDererism' (Dey Dererism is the act of engaging in 'hand falling' behaviour. Loosely translated to mean self delusion). So my people went about on that day, wearing a touch og green and going about with hearty smiles and ready to slay those of us who didn't quite get in the groove of the 'festivities'. i wasn't the only one who was not quite happy. Apparently, millitants were also unhappy with the splurging in Abuja and decided to ensure they were heard. More than 8 lives were lost in explosions which disrupted the celebrations.
You see, I live in a country where there is truly no hope. I hear some of you already trying to close the page, you think I'm being a pessimist? Ok hold on a minute, think about the young people you see around you now in Nigeria. They are after all the 'future' right? They are the 'hope' which some of you see right?? How many young people are honest & hardworking? How many possess the integrity to stand for what they belive? How many people are willing to engage their brains and not be led by 'false prophets' and not allow themselves to be fed garbage?
I'll continue to urge everyone I know to brighten the corner where they are. Do your bit, don't drive like savages, have a little sense of integrity, be honest and hardworking. Be the change you want to see in Nigeria. It sounds like a cliche I know, but really, this country's problems are not going to go away at the rate we're going. We need a change of mentality.
I think I've made you guys sad enough... Lemme stop here. See you when next I'm able to shake off my block. :)
speaking to avoid looking like a bumbling idiot in the work place. I mean, what's the point of knowing what I know and not being able to express myself. Surely I'm no more than he who has no idea. At least his own mouth is closed!
**sigh**
Ok I've told you guys what I've recently discovered about myself. Let me tell you what I originally wanted to tell you in September.. or was it August?
Ok so NEPA (PHCN) Power generating and distribution company in Nigeria. I think that description is a failed one though, because they are neither generating nor distributing any power... Anyway, I digress, So NEPA went on STRIKE!! Yes, delayed I know but really how does a company like NEPA go on strike? Only in Nigeria. I don't think our leaders know how much of a failed nation we are without constant power.
I just got back from holiday somewhere in the North east of England; and as with everytime I'm out of the country, the joy of knowing that there would be no sudden power cut (barring all unforeseen circumstance). So i dashed down to Tesco one beautiful morning to grab muffins, a pack of 4 muffins cost £1.50 which is approximately N360. In Chocolat Royal, a coffee shop / pattiserrie of some sort in Lagos, one muffin... One muffin is 350 naira. i was about to go off on how I was being ripped off in Lagos. Why was I paying the price of 4 muffins, for 1 muffin? Then I remembered that Chocolat Royal had a huge power generating set which it left on for 20 hours in 24. Businesses provide power for themselves, this pushes up operating costs and in order to break even, they have to push up retail prices.. Hence, the end user is inadvertedly paying for the lacuna in the infrastructural development of this 'great' nation.. It's truly sad.
So Nepa went on strike for about 5 days, and a lot of people said they were blissfully unaware of NEPA's strike because they'd not had power or 'light' for weeks anyway, I was scared. I mean, we usually have light at night. It was a sad situation though, because it further demonstrated the fact that Nigeria is a failed State. What business does NEPA have going on strike????
Issue number2.... Nigeria's 50th Anniversary. Nigerians donned the cloak of patrioticism on the 1st of October. They told themselves they had something to celebrate. 50years of Independence from the British Colonial masters. The city was awash with what a friend of mine calles 'Massive DeyDererism' (Dey Dererism is the act of engaging in 'hand falling' behaviour. Loosely translated to mean self delusion). So my people went about on that day, wearing a touch og green and going about with hearty smiles and ready to slay those of us who didn't quite get in the groove of the 'festivities'. i wasn't the only one who was not quite happy. Apparently, millitants were also unhappy with the splurging in Abuja and decided to ensure they were heard. More than 8 lives were lost in explosions which disrupted the celebrations.
You see, I live in a country where there is truly no hope. I hear some of you already trying to close the page, you think I'm being a pessimist? Ok hold on a minute, think about the young people you see around you now in Nigeria. They are after all the 'future' right? They are the 'hope' which some of you see right?? How many young people are honest & hardworking? How many possess the integrity to stand for what they belive? How many people are willing to engage their brains and not be led by 'false prophets' and not allow themselves to be fed garbage?
I'll continue to urge everyone I know to brighten the corner where they are. Do your bit, don't drive like savages, have a little sense of integrity, be honest and hardworking. Be the change you want to see in Nigeria. It sounds like a cliche I know, but really, this country's problems are not going to go away at the rate we're going. We need a change of mentality.
I think I've made you guys sad enough... Lemme stop here. See you when next I'm able to shake off my block. :)
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
He'll 'Progam' Dem
How do you write about someone who has a better way with words than you do? I wanna write about a young man who I honestly believe is a lyrical genius. I've written this article over and over... in my head offcourse and even now as I type I'm not sure i can adequately pass the message across. I lack the words to adequately describe this young man whose wit, humour, savvy and sarcasm caught my attention.
His name is Afolabi Durotoye. Some people know him as Beazy, I just think of him as a breath of fresh air in the cloudy world of music lyrics in Nigeria.
I read about Beazy for the first time in February 2010, I started following him on Twitter 'cos I noticed his comebacks were hilarious. I would read a tweet from Beazy and I would either start laughing crazily, or I'd have a goofy smile on my face.At other times, I'd read something so serious and so in your face "I -Don't-Care-What-You-Think-Of-Me" and I'd just go.. 'oh no.. this boy will get beaten because of Twitter ooo' but you see that's the thing about him.. He is a smart young man who's not afraid to speak the truth as it is.. no bullsh*tting!
With three (3) mixtapes released and over two hundred (200) songs recorded under his belt, i think it's safe to say Beazy is a rapper who knows what he has a passion for and is not afraid to make it work. He is consistent and hardworking. Beazy, eats, drinks and lives his music. He is constantly reinventing himself and is not afraid to take criticism. When you listen to something and you are tempted to place him in a box, you hear something else and say.."that's different!!!!"
I've listened to all 3 mixtapes an uncountable number of times and I can tell you, Afolabi's lyrics make a lot of sense and half the time I'm laughing 'cos I can just imagine what may have inspired some of those lyrics. Time and time again I try to tell myself I have a favorite track on each of the mixtapes and i have failed. Why? because on each mixtape, there is something different. Now this is not to say that he is an unfocused guy who lacks clarity in the quality of his work.. no.. this is clearly an evidence of versatility. His lyrics rhyme and make sense, this is not something we have seen too much of in recent times.
I wondered about how this guy was going to successfully break into the music industry in this country.. I mean if you know Nigerian music, you'd agree with me that we are being dished with a whole lot of crap.. words like "ginger, swagger, sanbaribobo, utunu,f,fff.jgkegfh dsam.fw" ( no that last one was not a typo.. that's my way of saying a hot load of crap) . I wondered, how long it would take him to break even, because while we all go to our day jobs and make money...music is a lot harder to convert into money..especially when you are new in the game. you see, the music 'business' is like oil prospecting, you have to invest a lot of money before you strike a commercially productive/ viable well. It's a lot of hard work and the reason why we have a lot of crappy music out there is primarily because a lot of people think that music is a shortcut to success.. I mean.. you flunking at school? No problem go and sing or go and rap!!! I mean, how else can we explain having so much crap out there?
I respect artistes who make sense, because for me, music is not just about the beat and the hype, it must have meaning, inspire or at least make me laugh.. brighten my mood
I believe that not to long from now, Beazy will become a personification of Good Music that comes out of Nigeria. I also believe that he will be smiling to the bank in due course.. because in the words of Oladele "Music na work o, no be joke oh, my pikin go wear clot, den go go school.. so spray me money".
"Beazy can not only hold his own, but is out to get theirs as well" so I will confidently say in that time.. that "I backed the winning horse" He'll 'program' dem
He has a standard bio online what i'd like to call his "Afolabi Durotoye, born in Jos to Akin and Abake Durotoye bio) so if you'd like to read about him just Google Afolabi 'Beazy' Durotoye.
Monday, August 9, 2010
Truly Madly Deeply in Love
I stared into his eyes, and all I could see was the depth of what he felt for me. I reached out to touch his face, the roughness of the day's worth of hair on felt good to touch. Just knowing he was here, and he was mine was enough to make me smile. I leaned into him to kiss him, and just when I thought I could not love him more, he said, "You bring me joy babes". There was a catching in my breath before I planted my lips soundly on his. It was like I drew all the strength I needed from holding him.
We walked to his car, and he opened the door for me, I smiled as I got in.. my boo, ever the curteous man. Unlike most Nigerian men who took you for granted, he always opened the door for me, held out my seat, and hauled all the heavy things. As we drove to my brother's home for Sunday lunch, I turned on the radio.. news of the Hatian Election and Wyclef's attempt to rule the nation flooded our car. I said.. "na wa oh.. Actors and musicians sha believe they can do this governance thing". I threw my hands up in mock exasperation, the love of my life smiled at me and said.."Ronke, u need to think outside the box" He proceeed to explain the intrigues of politics in relation to poverty ridden countries. I stared in marvel at how God could have blessed lil' ol' me with a man so intellectually stimulating and caring enough to break down the nitty gritty of every topic to me. Beside him, I felt I could take on the world. I smiled and gazed out of the window... the sun was bright, the sky was blue and the world just looked good.
****SPLASH OF COLD WATER******
Wake up!!!!!!
Oh guys, did I get ur juices rolling there? aww.. pele.. yours and mine as well! You see I've been wondering how it would feel to be truly madly deeply in love. As I typed the above I kept saying.. "Ah Ronke.. see this dodoyo picture you' re painting" lol .. I've become such a cynic that even picturing myself so 'mumu-ically' in love is hard! lol lol! Offcourse the part where I'm leaning in and kissing the hot intelligient boy doesnt seem so far off.. but all that he gazed into my eyes and he opened the door bit...**shaking my head*** nkn nkn...Even I can't picture it.
So what exactly is wrong with me? Seriously guys.. I want to fall in love before it becomes too late oh! I'm becoming more and more hopeless at these love matters by the day! It seems the only people I'm capable of loving are my family members and my friends....I mean, when will I fall in love with that boy that will make me go "oohh ahh" you know what I mean?
**sigh**
Seriously, I need help! I meet people everyday and I think, yeah nice but I don't just see it happening. I don't imagine that click.. or is that click...only in movies?
The scariest part for me is.. I don't wanna be so jaded, that I start infecting people who are truly in love (choke**)with my Miss Grinch behaviour.. you know? How someone tells me they met this really awesome guy and I go .. "ehn.. does he have a job? I hope he's not with u because u have a blue passpoprt oh, ah.. " why can't I just let people in love be? I mean, I don't actually say it to them .. but I *yimu* ( I don't know what yimu is in English.. ok maybe it means shrug.. ok not shrug..shrug is done with your shoulders... yimu is done with ur nose, you know that thing you do when you twitch ur nose? ehen..)
I wanna fall in love soon.. with a boy/man/guy off course! and I wanna do it soon!
But said man must be intellectually stimulating oh! abeg.. oh and did I mention he must be HAWT as well? see I'm not asking for too much, you see.
I have not gone on and on about wealth, house, car.. Just be smart.. funny and goodlooking.. those three things will oil the wheels of this my falling in love business!
So, dude.. do quick and come.. let's make that my fantasy/dream a reality?
ok?
Have a good week people!
We walked to his car, and he opened the door for me, I smiled as I got in.. my boo, ever the curteous man. Unlike most Nigerian men who took you for granted, he always opened the door for me, held out my seat, and hauled all the heavy things. As we drove to my brother's home for Sunday lunch, I turned on the radio.. news of the Hatian Election and Wyclef's attempt to rule the nation flooded our car. I said.. "na wa oh.. Actors and musicians sha believe they can do this governance thing". I threw my hands up in mock exasperation, the love of my life smiled at me and said.."Ronke, u need to think outside the box" He proceeed to explain the intrigues of politics in relation to poverty ridden countries. I stared in marvel at how God could have blessed lil' ol' me with a man so intellectually stimulating and caring enough to break down the nitty gritty of every topic to me. Beside him, I felt I could take on the world. I smiled and gazed out of the window... the sun was bright, the sky was blue and the world just looked good.
****SPLASH OF COLD WATER******
Wake up!!!!!!
Oh guys, did I get ur juices rolling there? aww.. pele.. yours and mine as well! You see I've been wondering how it would feel to be truly madly deeply in love. As I typed the above I kept saying.. "Ah Ronke.. see this dodoyo picture you' re painting" lol .. I've become such a cynic that even picturing myself so 'mumu-ically' in love is hard! lol lol! Offcourse the part where I'm leaning in and kissing the hot intelligient boy doesnt seem so far off.. but all that he gazed into my eyes and he opened the door bit...**shaking my head*** nkn nkn...Even I can't picture it.
So what exactly is wrong with me? Seriously guys.. I want to fall in love before it becomes too late oh! I'm becoming more and more hopeless at these love matters by the day! It seems the only people I'm capable of loving are my family members and my friends....I mean, when will I fall in love with that boy that will make me go "oohh ahh" you know what I mean?
**sigh**
Seriously, I need help! I meet people everyday and I think, yeah nice but I don't just see it happening. I don't imagine that click.. or is that click...only in movies?
The scariest part for me is.. I don't wanna be so jaded, that I start infecting people who are truly in love (choke**)with my Miss Grinch behaviour.. you know? How someone tells me they met this really awesome guy and I go .. "ehn.. does he have a job? I hope he's not with u because u have a blue passpoprt oh, ah.. " why can't I just let people in love be? I mean, I don't actually say it to them .. but I *yimu* ( I don't know what yimu is in English.. ok maybe it means shrug.. ok not shrug..shrug is done with your shoulders... yimu is done with ur nose, you know that thing you do when you twitch ur nose? ehen..)
I wanna fall in love soon.. with a boy/man/guy off course! and I wanna do it soon!
But said man must be intellectually stimulating oh! abeg.. oh and did I mention he must be HAWT as well? see I'm not asking for too much, you see.
I have not gone on and on about wealth, house, car.. Just be smart.. funny and goodlooking.. those three things will oil the wheels of this my falling in love business!
So, dude.. do quick and come.. let's make that my fantasy/dream a reality?
ok?
Have a good week people!
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