I wrote this piece back in 2012 and it was published on WeRunThings. I was going through my portfolio of work and I found it.
I'm not going to edit it, just so it can have a semblance of authenticity.
I hope you enjoy reading it.
****
I spent the last week ruminating on
the veracity of IK Osakioduwa’s TipsToGettingAMAn. I’ve also been trying
to find a Nigerian celebrity, who is, prima facie, happily married with 2 kids
(poster image of perfection), who would be willing to write Ten Tips To
Getting and Keeping A Woman. The fact that you’re reading this now,
means that I have been unsuccessful.
I believe that there’s no such thing
as “One Size Fits All“ especially with relationship
issues because of difference in personalities and backgrounds/upbringing. If
you don’t believe me, just check out the comments section of blogs and
websites…. it’s a riot! There is a truth to every comment… as true to the mind
of the writer as can be imagined. It might be a lie, but the person believes it
to be true and that is enough for the person.I really didn’t want to have to
write this because hey… what do I know about getting and keeping a woman?
Nobody has gotten me or kept me for that matter. So what qualifies me to write
this piece? I’ll tell you… NOTHING. Well, maybe not NOTHING! I have access
to this medium and I’m going to use it. Here goes!
Atoke’s Tips For
Getting A Good Woman
- Learn To Do Solo Trips: There are so many good looking
guys with plenty “sweg” and a plethora of foreign accents out there; allow
the woman notice you. Roll alone, allow her assess your qualities without
all your men casting a shadow on your shine.
- Whether Na One Naira: Someone said all a man needs
to have is money, to get a woman. Not entirely true, but no girl wants a
broke dude! Whether na one naira, have it and let it come in regularly. Girls
like to be pampered, whether with ‘Kristian Lobatan’ Shoes or by the real
deal Red Soles.
- Reel In Your Relatives: There’s something to be said
for a man who can protect his woman from the onslaught of relatives. A guy
should learn to properly keep his nosy aunties and rude sisters away from
the girl. Nobody wants to start dealing with the challenges of in-laws
even before they get into the family. Massive turn off.
- Champagne Popping & Raining
Benjamins: For
some reason, men believe that this is ALL a woman needs to see. Wrong! The
good woman wants a man who’s very good with managing his finances, she
needs to know you wont leave the bills unpaid for a weekend of fun with
your friends at the GrandPrix in Abu Dhabi.
- Be Neat & Well Dressed at
ALL times: The
whole cave man look is so 1942! Please take time to shave, wear
antiperspirant and dress well. A good woman doesn’t want to have to deny
knowing you when she is in a gathering of her friends. Don’t make it more
difficult by being un-presentable.
- Be Respectable &
Respectful: A good
woman will have absolutely no problems submitting to a man who is
respectable and respectful. The odds wont really be in your favor if you
come into her house acting like an agbero. Picking a quarrel
with your gate man/ maid or even worse, hers…will earn you NO points.
Remember, respect begets respect (as cheesy as that sounds, it’s true)
- Learn to cook, Do yourself
a favor and learn how to cook: No really, really do LEARN to cook. Because,
assuming that knowing a woman’s knowledge of cooking automatically confers
her with all the wisdom of world is failure. More importantly, a good
woman becomes mush when her man whips up a meal. You don’t believe me? Go
check out the comments section on Chef Fregz’ posts on BellaNaija.
Dude gets women slathering after him every week.
- Have Standards & Keep Your
Word: Nobody wants a man who
says one thing and does the other. Really, have standards and let your
word be your bond.. That is all.
- Read & Keep Yourself Well
Informed: It’s
not enough to be Tall Dark & Handsome, you have to have something in
between your ears. Imagine being at a business lunch and the topic of the
killing of the American Ambassador in Libya comes up and you have NO clue
what’s going on. Ignorance is not bliss. Keep yourself abreast of what’s
happening around you. It’s the least you can do.
- Remember your frailties
as well as hers: It’s
important that you remember that the same kind of blood that flows through
your veins, flows through hers. Whatever inadequacies you have, and have
to live by, the chances are that she has her own dose of inadequacies as
well and it is only in the constant remembrance of these frailties can you
get the girl of your dreams.
